To Fly

Do you ever feel like your standing on the edge of earth but you can’t decide wether you should spread your wings and fly or just scream? This is how I have felt all summer.

There are days when I swear I can feel something out there trying to pull me in. I have no idea what or maybe who. It’s just this heavy knotted up something sitting just within my chest. Just sitting there heavy as can be and barely tugging. And it’s so exhausting. Trying to figure out what in the hell it means.

Then there are days I could just curl up in a ball and cry. Sleep and cry. All curled up. With my super thick blanket as my armor against whatever hell the world wants to throw at me that day.

Occasionally there are those days that just whirl by like the wind blew me in circles leaving me dazed and confused.

Not all days are bad or sideways. There are days of happiness, joy and laughter ribboned and twisted throughout all the others.

And still I come back to days of standing on the edge of the earth. I find myself more and more asking all the what’s and why’s of life. Sometimes I think I am really in this world all alone, it’s spinning and spinning and everyone else took the leap, and are now soaring to new heights. And here I stand. Trying to make sense of it all. Wandering. Dreaming. Wishing. But never able to fly.

It’s scary.

The days only seem to go by faster, never slowing down. Never allowing time to take a breath and re center ones self. Constantly in motion. So I stand and scream. And no one listens.

Not Me

By now we all know that a woman from Massachusetts won a huge amount of money. We all know her name, her age and many more things about her. Sadly, I have to inform you it was not me. I did buy two tickets. I knew it wasn’t going to be me so there was no way I was going to go broke trying to appease the lottery Gods.

On that Thursday morning after the drawing I saw all these posts popping up on social media. They were of her coming out of the lottery office for the first time after coming forward. People were being down right horrible in their comments. Just bashing her about her chewing her gum. Could you imagine? I mean you find out you are the sole winner of an insane amount of money, I imagine there is a moment of complete shock. Kind of like ” SHUT UP! ” with your jaw dropped and you feel like you can’t catch your breath kind of moment. I would think I’d sit down and just cry. I would cry like I have not ever cried before and I would let it all go, everything cause damn it I can go buy myself a good bra now!!! So you get all your shit together take it all in and you go to the Powerball office. Not thinking this is a big deal for anyone other then you. You are sitting in the office filling out whatever they have for you to fill out and someone mentions the media is there. 😮 ” What? Wait? Who?…….. oh hell no, I’m not going out there. Shit. Are you serious? Can’t I just climb out that window? This is no one else’s business but my own I’m not going on tv!!! You have got to be kidding me! Ok I need a cigarette. What the hell do you mean no smoking inside??? You people are pissing me off. I can’t go out there. Ok. I can do this. Does someone have some gum?” I mean come on think about? I haven’t smoked for 5 years but I’d want a cigarette. I mean this kind of thing doesn’t happen to normal people. It does not happen to me. And now that it has I have to go out and smile in front of media? Oh damn it. I’d chomp that gum like the new multi millionaire I am and talk all your smack cause guess what, yup you aren’t getting a dime of it. 😬 That’s right. OWN IT GIRL!!

What happens next? The rest of us will continue to dream knowing we won’t ever get to retire because we skipped class on the day they were teaching planning for your future. And this woman, man how exciting! I’d love to be on her first real shopping trip with her. Will she let loose and buy those $200 jeans and $500 boots because she can? Or will she still be like ” but they are just jeans who in the hell spends $200 on jeans? Not this girl I don’t care how much money I have!” See, I love shoes and purses and cars 😊 That being said I’m not sure even if I did spend $500 on a pair of shoes I’d have it in my heart to wear them OUTSIDE! Although I’d love to know how those shoes feel or how $200 jeans feel. But, it’s not me, it’s someone else. What will she go wild with? It would be very interesting to know.

I wish her well. The best of everything for the rest of her life. I hope she doesn’t allow people to use her and I hope she doesn’t become jaded. All the best for her! All the best!

Live

Love

Laugh

Til next time~ Jules

The Experience

Recently, my two sons and I attended a Kid Rock concert. Before the concert, I won a contest through The Rebel Soldiers Fan Club ( Kid Rocks’ fan club) called ” The Ultimate Fan Opportunity” for weeks they kept secret what the actual prize was. Then as other concert winners were attending their prospective concerts, information was leaking here and there. Probably, mostly because I was poking around trying to find out what EXACTLY was going to go down. Not because I enjoy taking the element of surprise out of things, but because I had to convince my husband I didn’t sign up for a full blown orgy back stage with Kid Rock, because the contest CLEARLY stated the opportunity was for the winner ONLY not the winner plus one or the winner plus their party, just THE WINNER, that was it. Therefor, I HAD to track down information, otherwise this winner was NOT going to see the prize!

I had only bought two tickets to the concert because when I bought them, I had no idea there was going to be a contest, little alone that I would win one. The plan all along was for me and our 13 year old son to go. Over the years, he has begged to go to a Kid Rock concert with me. In 2011 my husband and I went to the Born Free concert in Evansville, I promised our son then, the very next concert he could go to. Turned out, I lied. My husband and I went to Noblesville in August of 2011 for another Kid Rock concert. So, when the Rebel Soul tour was announced, it was decided at that moment, me and my son were going to Rock it together!

Then I won the contest, my husbands comment ” What about Trent? You know he won’t sit there by himself” All my joy was sucked out of me! And NOT A SOUL that I knew would agree to leave their seat and come sit in my seat for the last three songs of the concert ( even though we had damn good seats) and no one I knew that wasn’t already going to the concert would agree to buy a ticket and then come sit in my seat for the last three songs of the concert. It was as if everyone was saying, ” Screw You!” It literally came down to a few hours before the concert, I begged and begged my oldest son PLEASE buy a cheap seat ticket. They are ONLY $22 PLEASE!!!!!!! He FINALLY caved! And, I think even he is happy he did.

The following paragraphs are copied from a text I sent to my friend, she sent me a text, and I quote; ” So tell me about how it all went down”…….and I did, then I copied it into a note on my Facebook page, adding The Rest of the story. Now, Here I am copying it to my blog, with The Beginning of the story! Image

Well, Born Free had just started and I felt someone pull on my shirt ( which I already knew security was coming to get me during that song) so I turn and the guy asked Julie? I said yes he said follow me so I followed him down the steps ( we were the 10 th row off the floor) to the floor and all the way to the back of the floor area where there was the other fan club winner and a girl and her boyfriend that had won thru Harley Davidson……
So we just stand there thru most of the song then the guy says ” the next song is Bawtidabaw, when the explosion goes off we go… Follow me” and I was like oh man I wish I hadn’t left my phone with Johnny cause I so need to video this for Tyler Bates!……
So then all these sparkler things start going off all across the stage and Kid Rock comes shooting out of the bottom of the stage ( which is also how he started the show so damn cool) and then BOOM! And we were off dang near sprinting to the front diving our way thru people( not really but I did have to push one chick out of my way)
We get up to the front and walk behind a curtain. And there I am standing UNDER the stage and this guy in a suit comes up to me sticks his hand out and says ” I’m Gio, are you Julie?” And I thought SHIT I’M GETTING KICKED OUT ALREADY! Gio is Head of Kid Rocks personal security! So he says they ( and points to the stage) will go off stage change then they will come back out and they are going to play Happy New Year you guys are going to stand by the Harley and just have a good time like your at a New Years party and they gave us Happy New Years hats……
So the song ends and we walk up on stage all the lights are off and it was so damn cool! A couple minutes went by I guess then the band and Kid Rock come out from a curtain with their gold coats on. And this Gio grabs my arm and says you here…. Then they started playing and I started singing and clapping and waving my hands and jumping up and down ……..
The other fan member that won she was like 70 and so darn cute , the sax player kept turning around and smiling winked a couple times then moved to the other side of the stage! Ha! Then the guitar player came our way and he nodded and smiled and soon he too moved away! And yup KR did look our way, but that was it. No HEY GIRL WHAT’S UP! But he was like 5 feet away from me at one point! They turned the lights on and I could see J2 and Trent then I really went crazy and they were crazy waving back!
They kept drawing the song out, so what is normally a 3 minute song was like 10 minutes, when the song was over we were escorted off stage had our picture taken, not with Kid Rock and told thank you and good bye! And I was HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

I hadn’t been to Ford yet so I had no idea if our seats were good or not good and the chart you couldn’t really tell. When Trent and I were walking down the steps and we got half way down I turned and said ” NO WAY!” He said WHAT? I about started crying when we finally got to our seats! I mean they seriously could not have been better! Well, yes they could have but not anywhere near my price range! I’m not gonna lie and say I wish I could have gotten a hand shake, but I’m good
( as told by me to Stacy via text message…. She asked how it all went down, so I told her!)
And here is the rest of the story, which I left out of the text messages.
As I am heading back up the steps to where our seats were, I was diverted to a different set of stairs because someone in our section had passed out. However, my sons were waiting for me when I came out of the stairway. And it was on. I was all chatter like I had just drank a gallon of Red Bull followed by a dozen of those energy shot things! I could not shut up. I thought as we hit the doors I was gonna freeze walking back to the Jeep, but nope! I was good to go. And the three of us laughed and laughed and were just crazy ridiculous the whole walk back to our ride. I can’t speak for my boys but I had had the most amazing night! The whole night was just epic! ( I had wished several times that Scott was there, so he was in my heart) I can’t explain how full my heart and my soul felt. It was like, a release….. Not the end of a story, but THE opportunity to turn the page to the next chapter. For some, you are probably thinking this girl is nuts, which I am, but others who are reading this understand exactly what I mean. EPIC!
And now, the REST of the REST of the story. As we are rolling up the highway I say ” who’s window is down?” J2 says ” his” and points to the back I didn’t think anything at first, thought Trent was hot. Didnt seem odd. Then I said ” what’s that smell? OMG! Are you throwing up?” And he was! So we pulled into Windmill. I went in got him some water and napkins and mistakenly lead the cashier to believe I go to EVERY Kid Rock concert, as in crazed psycho fan following him around the country when I just meant all the ones he has in Evansville!….oops! Apparently, he had been feeling sick to his stomach every since we sat down at the concert. I told him NEVER do that again! EVER! He said WHAT? I told him no one and nothing not even Kid Rock is or ever will be more important then my kids and he should not have had to sit thru all that feeling as bad as he did, we would have left! I then felt like the worse parent ever!
This part, I think all of you will love. Chloe gets off the bus today, first thing she says is ” why did Trent stay home?” So I explained how he got sick, she smiled that evil little smile and said….” HMPF, sounds like Trent doesn’t like Kid Rock either!”
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Image( that’s me in the orange shirt, which just so happens to be a Harley Davidson TShirt!….I have just as many of them as I do Kid Rock tshirts, ok, well maybe not, but I have a few!)

May 2018

Crazy. I was. I can not tell you how insanely over the top crazy I was for Kid Rock. No, I had no grand illusions of being whisked off to forever be his love slave. Ewe. I mean how many ” places” do you think THATS been in. 😲 Noway, I have loads of respect for my place. Anyway, in the deepest darkest depths of my own personal hell his voice was my everything. My best friend, my anger release, my sobering cries. Wow. His voice was all that held me in check. That night, April 1,2013 I was so high on life. I was going to be on stage with the voice that kept me sane. No bundle of nerves no jitters, calm as my soul could be without having been on the Gulf of Mexico. I was ready. And SLAM. No warning signs no sirens, just a big fat fuck you. That’s what it felt like. Right there. I mean just feet away, and not a nod, not a wave not a passing by high five NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Took me about 7 seconds on that stage to feel it. We were a mosquito buzzing around and around his nose, pissing him off. Resentment. Because he sold out. His backers required him to host the contests but they couldn’t force him to like it or give anything of himself. It hung heavy in the air. Took another 5 seconds to see I was feeling it right. And another .2 seconds to close it all off and say fuck you back. From that moment on Kid Rock as I use to see him was gone. The rest of my time on stage it was about me being on stage where my sons could see me and I could see them and we just danced and waved and acted stupid. It was the death of a friend. My over the edge excitement for anything Kid Rock died as well. For a few years I didn’t even listen to him. We still go to concerts, he puts on one hell of a show. Still dream of him playing for me at this huge 50 birthday party for me. But, he’s not all that anymore. He’s an asshole as I see it. Broke my spirit for awhile but that’s my fault. I put it all on his voice. I needed someone or something to help me through, and his voice did. So, for that I thank him. Still pisses me the hell off. What would it have hurt 2 seconds. *sigh* I dream too big I suppose.

Damn it one of these damn days I am going to be filthy rich with my own damn yacht sailing around one of those beautiful islands with my husband and kids and beautiful friends, ugly ones too, and Kid Rock is gonna wish he had high fives me that night……..

✌🏼

Things I’ve Learned About Running

I am no fitness expert. Not a running expert either. In fact I know nothing about fitness and only a slight bit more then that about running.
I’m not even sure what I have began is considered running at all. It’s probably more of a light jog on the treadmill. I’ve only been at it for two weeks. My goal is to run a 5 K in May.
All that being said, the following is what I have learned about running thus far!
• Choose your playlist very carefully! You want music that will keep you motivated, but will NOT bring out the 80’s head banging or hustle & flow moves because THAT does not end well on a treadmill!
• Have a water bottle which allows you to squirt the water into your mouth versus having to unscrew the lid and drink. On the plus side of the latter, you can play it off as you really worked up one heck of a sweat! 😉
• Wear TWO sports bras- that should be self explanatory
• DO NOT GET ON THE TREADMILL WHEN IT IS SET ON FULL SPEED AHEAD! EVEN IF YOU ARE HOLDING ON- SUPER BAD IDEA!
• Do not position the treadmill so it is anywhere near the ping pong table, that is if you have one. For some reason the person on the side which has them facing you occasionally feels the need to slam the ball as if they are attempting to hit a home run- and yes I am aware home runs don’t exist in ping pong- that’s my point!
• I won’t bring up the dart board, now that I think about it, probably should move the treadmill at this point!
• When your dog comes up and sits and stares at you, do not bend over to let him! Even if you are holding o !
• Stretch before & after
• Stay hydrated ( remember squirt bottle)
• Breath thru both your nose and mouth, more oxygen, less of a headache!
• Set realistic goals
• ALWAYS potty TWICE before you get on the treadmill, cause on e you get going you are still going to think you have to go!
My final words of novice wisdom: try to time your running playlist so you end your run with a song like Queens ” We Are The Champions” or Kid Rocks ” Never Met A Mother Fucker Quite Like Me ” Trust me, when you feel like your either going to puke or passout and you’ve lost your HMPF with one minute left- one of those songs come on and you push yourself through that last minute and get off the treadmill with an attitude like HELL YEAH I DID IT!
Until next time, keep your feet on the ground!

SHUT UP!

If you know me, or if you follow my blog, then you know I am a HUGE Kid Rock fan.
Big deal right? I mean most people are a huge fan of someone or something! What makes me any different or special in a fan kind of way? Nothing at all, on a normal day.
February 12th was NOT a normal day, and neither will April 1rst be.
April 1rst is the Kid Rock concert my son and I are going to.

I should probably rewind some of this so everyone else can understand what on earth I am talking about. I’m sure right now it all sounds either crazy or in code.
Being a member of the Kid Rock fan club, Rebel Soldiers, I was able to enter a contest called ” Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity”. Two winners would be picked for each concert venue already on the schedule. No other details. That’s it. So, of course I entered! I entered daily for a week, then they closed the contest.
Sometime after 9 PM on February 12 th I checked my emails via my phone before going to bed. I had an email that said I was a winner for the concert I had chosen. All I had to do was respond to the email with verification I was in fact a fan club member and I do have a ticket for that concert. My first reply to the email said this: ” SHUT UP! Is this for real!?” To which I received an immediate reply that yes it was in fact for real and please submit the verification requested. So I did.
I then receive an email telling me what to do on the day of the concert. That’s it! Nothing else.
Well, at that point I was thinking ” there is no way this is real” Which in checking the fan forum, apparently no one else believed it was real either. For some crazy odd reason, that told me it was in fact real. But why was it so cryptic? No one on the fan forum was talking about their experience at the concerts as winners. Why? Now, it passed cryptic and sailed straight on to creepy.
In talking with another fan, who won for the concert the night before the concert I won for, we wandered …. Are they kidnapping people? I mean cause Jeepers a Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity and no one is posting anywhere about it? No pictures NOTHING! ANYWHERE! So that’s it, now we know…. Someone is kidnapping Kid Rock fans! Great!
Luckily, someone finally posted!

It seems they expected way more than what the actual prize ended up being. I think the words they used were something like “complete bullshit, nowhere near the epic experience I thought I was going to get”
Now, I’m going to stop here to tell you before thinking fans were being kidnapped, I had been saying things like ” I’ll probably get a free hotdog and drink” or ” they will have me mop the stage” because in fact a Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity would be anything outside the normal buying a ticket to the concert experience, right? Right!
Still all the while hoping I’d get to meet him.
Well, the prize is, during the last song of the concert, the winners for each show get to stand on the stage and clap while Kid Rock signs and performs the last set.
Now, according to the fan that was completely disappointed, he doesn’t even look the winners way! I hope this isn’t true! I mean if I don’t get to meet him, at least I can say HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME! Of course in my case if he does look right at me it will be because I tripped and fell and knocked something over, probably fall off stage to boot.
I can see the disappointment. I mean you get all excited and tell everyone that you have won, but you don’t know what you have won. And everyone is ” oh you’ll get to meet him!” Now that I know before hand, I can let everyone know, hey I don’t get to meet Kid Rock, but I do get to make an ass out of myself on stage so take plenty of pictures! I’d been a bit ticked if I hadn’t known and then after the concert been asked ” so did ya get to meet him” ….. I’d have felt like a complete idiot!
Thank Goodness I only bought a new pair of jeans and not a new pair of shoes too! What a disaster that could have ended up being! 😉
Who knows, maybe next time!

The Womans Guide to Football Part 1 Downs

image

First and foremost, if you are not a fan of sports at all, my best advice is to just go shopping on Sunday afternoons.
However, if you’d like to have a basic understanding of what all the yelling and screaming at the TV is on Sundays, Mondays and the occasional Thursdays, this guide might be useful to you.
You don’t have to like the team your husband does, but you should know the team. Know who the coach is as well as the quarter back. Keep it with those two for starters, that way you don’t get too confused.
Obviously, the point of the game is to get the ball into the end zone to score points. Unfortunately, it’ all the stuff that happens before that which can and will confuse you.
Before I get into the basics of “Downs”, let me warn you. DO NOT ask questions during the game unless you absolutely have to and only because you really want to understand what just happened to make him yell like that. Otherwise, just Google it. I spent years asking ” How is it 10 men who each weigh at least 350lbs can pile up on that ball and it doesn’t burst?” Or ” Does the helmet block their view?” These are not questions you want to ask during a football game, EVER!
Downs
This took me years to get right. Partly because I’d watch for a few minutes leave the room, come back in, leave the room again. I’d leave the room and the screen would read “2nd & 8” come back in and it would say “3rd & 2” next time “1rst & 10”. My husbands explanation, “they moved the ball”. And????
So, here is the simplest version I can come up with:
The offense (team with the ball) wants a touch down. The perfect play would be- the center snaps the ball to the quarter back, the quarter back passes it to a wide receiver, he catches it and runs all the way to the end zone for a touch down. Perfect. Happens, but rarely.
Therefore, the offense has 4 chances to move the ball 10 yards towards their end zone. So, if it’s 2nd & 8 they moved the ball 2 yards and still need to move it 8 more yards to keep the ball. With 2nd & 8 they still have 2 more chances to attempt to move the ball 8 more yards. Once they have successfully moved the ball 10 yards or more towards their end zone, they start all over with 4 more chances/attempts to move the ball toward the end zone.
Now if they don’t move the ball forward, toward the end zone, in 4 attempts, the other team gets the ball. On most occasions, if after the 3rd down they aren’t close enough to the end zone for their kicker to score points by kicking a field goal ( kicking the ball thru the “U-shaped poles) then they will kick the ball to the other team. They do this because if they were just to hand the ball over where they stopped with it, the other team wouldn’t have that far to go to make a touch down of their own. So, the point of kicking it to them is to give them the ball as far away from their end zone as possible.
Now, there will be many times you will see something that looks completely crazy when it comes to downs. It will be something like 2nd & 18. This means they lost yards. This typically happens because the qb got sacked. ( he was attempting to throw the ball, couldn’t find someone open and was running all over the field just to end up having someone tackle him) *I’ll get into that another time* This means now they have to attempt to move the ball farther toward the end zone in order to keep the ball.
When you see or hear 2nd & Goal …..means just that. They are inside 10 yards of the goal line. Now they are attempting to get that ball across the goal line for a touchdown. Sometimes you might hear 2nd and inches….you got it….they are just right there. Typically, but not always the QB will dive over everyone in an attempt to get that ball over the line for a touch down.
That’s all I got on this for now. Hopefully this gives you a basic knowledge of “downs”.
Key terms in this section:

End Zone
The 10 yard area at each end of the field where hopefully your team will get a touchdown in their own end zone and a safety in the other teams end zone (we’ll get into a safety later)

Quarterback (QB)
He’s the guy who is on the field yelling and pointing and hiking his leg up like he has to pee. Also, he receives the ball from the center and he will hopefully either complete a pass (throw the ball) or hand it off to someone successfully

Center
The dude all bent over in the middle who snaps the ball to the QB

Wide Receiver
A player who, hopefully can run very fast and receive (catch) the ball when thrown to him by the QB

Offense
Team with the ball

Drive
While I didn’t use this term this is a word you will hear. Announcers refer to the movement of the ball towards the end zone as a drive or offensive drive. Like who drives a ball right? And of course that would be offensive! Just remember Ball is supposed to be moving forward somehow!

Snap
The action of the ball being tossed between the legs ( HIKE) to either the QB, punter or the holder (guy who holds the ball for the kicker) on a kick attempt

Down
Offense gets four downs to advance the ball 10 yards. A down starts when the ball is put into action by the center snapping the ball to the QB. A down ends when the ball is ruled dead. Oh dear ok, this can happen by many means, which we will get into later. But as an example: Someone catches the ball and was tackled, therefore the play is over, Ball is dead. Another play now begins.

Happy FOOTBALL SEASON!!

Go DETROIT LIONS!!!

Bye Bye Birdie

     The sun slowly rose over a warm blanket of green grass just as the last morning dew fell slowly down the edge of a burning red day lilly.
     Today is the day.
     The young fledgling looked over the edge of the nest, toward the ground. Then she turned and looked back at Momma Sparrow. With a faint in her heart and a tear in her eye, Momma Sparrow gave the alert. It’s your time. You are prepared for your new journey. I believe in you.
     With a call of acknowledgement and love the fledgling, Birdie, hopped on the edge. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and jumped. She felt the drop and for a brief moment forgot to catch the wind. Quickly she opened her eyes, raised her head and spread her wings. She climbed and climbed racing toward the rising sun. She twisted and turned, rose and dipped with each change of the wind. Before long she was soaring high in the morning sky.
     Back at the nest high in an old Weeping Willow tree, Momma Sparrow watched proudly as her little Birdie flew free. With each pass a tear rose in her heart. With each tear blew a memory of love through her feathers.
     Birdie landed high atop an old Oak tree. As she caught her breath she glanced back at the old Willow tree. At that moment, she knew. She was free. Free to be Birdie as Birdie was meant to be. And while Birdie will spread her wings and fly, she will pass over that old Weeping Willow tree every morning just as the sun rises over a warm blanket of green grass and the last of the morning dew falls slowly down the edge of a burning red day lilly.