Manuals for the Living

My brain sometimes thinks sideways and upside down, and as crazy as it may sound backwards periodically. Most generally, my husband and I have completely opposite views. His is more in a straight tidy well organized line, with labels and tabs and an index Incase you get lost. Baffles my mind to bits. My line zig zags circles around and around comes back this way then back that way, you get the idea, and I guarantee you I drive him insane. I think he is so hard to read and figure out and that I am an open book, he sees it the other way around.

So, my mind gets to wandering. What if we all came with a manual when we were born. What if. Let’s say that manual covered absolutely everything about you and your life. In general terms. This manual covers everything from how you were going to be birthed to how you were going to die and everything in between. Again, in generalizations, like you would reach the height of 5’2 before you reach adulthood, but will shrink to the height of 4’8 before your death. With no specifics such as you will reach 5’2 in the 5th grade and appear to be an Amazon woman towering above all your classmates, however; they will all pass you up one day. And you will have 3.2 children before the age of 40 but no more specifics, especially what the heck the .2 is. You will be born in the back seat of a car ( which I was not) and you will die in the back seat of a car. No specifics again, just general information. You will obtain x amount of schooling. You get the idea. All generalized info. With some added things such as say, you will be deathly allergic to chocolate. Just enough information to not be enough information.

Would you want to have this manual for any reason? Would you want it to help you with the early years of being a new parent? If you did accept the manual to help you with the early years with your babies, would you want to pass the manual on to them as they got older, if so, when would you pass it on to them? If you made the decision to not pass it on to them, and they learn upon having their own child that there is such a manual; what would you say to them then?

I have thought and thought about this. I have known several people who have committed suicide. Had they had manuals that stated their lives would end by their own hand, would it have changed things? Would they have taken their lives sooner? Or never?

There are times I think I wish I could go back to a certain time in my life and know what I know now. But if I could do that how would it make my life different now? My guess is, it would change it but not for the better. I know someone who was constantly trying to find a way to get rich, had a law suit against a former employer, netted him far less then he had hoped. Had another law suit against a driver who rear ended him, still had to work. Then one day while out on his Harley a little old lady crossed the Center line and struck him. He fought for his life. Lost a leg. Mangled him up really bad. Was in the hospital forever it seemed then rehab, and still had troubles today with his prosthetic leg. But, he’s a millionaire-ish now. If he’d have had a manual, how would that have changed his look at life?

I’ve learned that we go through the crazy things and the bad things and even the good things to better ourselves. Learn lessons from those things. Move forward. If we have a manual that guides us, where would we really end up? Better? Worse?

I’m good with who I am now. I’m not perfect, but I’m a better person then I use to be. And I went through a lot of shit to get here. Not all bad shit. And not all someone else’s shit, I stirred just as much as anyone else did. So I think for me, I wouldn’t want that manual. Because it would make me afraid. Afraid to live each day to it’s fullest. Afraid to take chances when maybe I can’t really afford them. Afraid to laugh or afraid to cry. And that’s certainly not living.

So, I’m gonna keep on living each day as God gives it to me, thanking him all the way. And I’m going to keep screwing up and praying He helps me through it!!!

✌🏼😘

It’s What We Do

I want to take this time to talk to you about Real Housewives. By REAL, I mean REAL.

We all know all the different shows from all the different large cities…. ” Real Housewives of……” I loved those shows. Was addicted to those shows. Oh my GAWD I wanted to be IN one of those shows. I watched every single one of them, back when I was a Stay -At-Home Mom. I got sucked in by all the glamor and glitz. I did not know a soul, housewife, working mom, stay-at-home mom NO ONE who even came close to anyone of these woman. At the time, I lived in a trailer. YUP, Mobile HOME, had wheels on the bottom. I always thought ” you want housewife, come to the 47666 and follow me around, our shopping sprees takes us to Goodwill!”

I am not going to talk anymore about those house wives because someone somewhere will certainly get their feelings hurt and I have nothing anyone else would want to sue me for!

In my life, I work full time outside of our home. I take care of all the bills, finances, housework, kids things, mowing, pretty much everything except working on the appliances and vehicles; which usually I call someone to come and do. My husband, he just gets to go to work and that is it! And I am jealous of that sometimes. I will tell you, I screw up our account at least twice a year. And he gets so mad at me each time I swear he is going to divorce me. He thinks I am spending large amounts on STUFF when what it always comes down to is, I got lazy or sick or behind or all the above and stopped keeping track of what was going where who was spending what on what and why and just watched the balance until it got to the OH SHIT level. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it now, but it is going to happen again, I guarantee you. He refuses to help me, says I won’t learn how to do it and do it right until I keep doing it. What sense does that even make? UGH!

I can not tell you how many pizzas I have burned because I am tired and get side tracked when I go into the other room to fold laundry and throw it on everyone’s beds. I can set the timer on the stove and swear it’s the dryer yelling at me and at that moment I just do not care that the clothes are dried. Then finally someone yells ” WHAT’s ON FIRE!” In our first few years in our house we had ADT. I can only imagine how many bets went on when our house came up on screen as having a fire. Our towns 911 dispatch operator would call me personally to see if there really was a fire or if it was just me cooking again. My husband was mortified by it. I thought it was funny. I mean why in the hell did they put the smoke alarm 3 feet from the stove in the first place.

I can make a Sears service man cry. At one point he threw up his hands and said ” I give up” at which point he declared our washing machine ” uneconomical to repair”; and Sears issued us a full refund on the machine, PLUS what we paid for the warranty. The machine in question was only six months old and I had somehow managed to blow apart the concrete arm that held the tub in place. True story. That was six years ago. In that six years we have gone through three more washers. My husband and the lady who owns our local Sears Home Store went round and round about my abilities to operate the machines correctly. Her loss, we now purchase our appliances from Menards.

I think about all the things that I have gotten myself into, and out of. From the things listed above to ruined laundry, lost pets, broken hearts, skinned knees, first days of kindergarten to graduation days, science projects gone wrong to better grades now then I got when I was in school. There are days I am so tired I don’t know if I should cry, laugh or scream. I have many days when I REALLY want a margarita. Then I think of all the butterfly kisses, stomps in the mud puddles, laughs until we cried, sleepless nights, early mornings, drives through the country until a very sleepy someone falls asleep…………. Then I think of all the times I wished time away and I cry. My soul cries. My heart cries.

All the things I wish I could undo or take back, erase and move on from. It’s all part of being a mom, a wife, a housewife, mother, disciplinarian, cook, referee, boo boo kisser, laundry sorter, dishwasher, hair fixer, tear drop catcher……how ever you want to classify me, I gladly accept the job. Yes, there are still going to be days I wish I lived at the beach, I am always going to want to live at the beach, but I want to drag all my little bugs with me. I love my life, however you categorize it. And the more I go over all those little things, and big things we do and will continue to do as REAL HOUSEWIVES, I wouldn’t trade any of it to be big and fancy and controversial, ( which for some reason reminds me of when Chloe and I went into a second hand store a while back and she said to me, ” isn’t this for poor people?” and we both looked up and saw a purse with a huge price sign that said $700 USED……she looked at me and we both laughed…..who in their right minds pays $700 for a used purse????) So, I will probably keep on complaining at times, bragging at times, and planning a life I will never have on a beautiful tropical island, but I love being the housewife for the husband and children, and house I have.

 

 

 

Little Red Corvette

What did that title make you think of?

Prince circa way back when? Wait, is it still the artist formally known as Prince? I can’t keep up on those things!

Here’s what my original thought was, a mans MIDLIFE CRISIS! And this would be the visvisualization of THAT thought:

 

 

Now, I don’t know about you, but I personally think that is just a bunch of bull crap! All the way around. No matter how you look at it, how you break it down. That photo sums up a mans midlife crisis. I don’t mean all men cheat or all men go out and buy a super fast sports car. I can’t say that, I don’t know allmen. However, I do believe a mans midlife crisis, or whatever it is, is completely different then a woman’s.

Here is how I see this particular point in my life :

Completely different wouldn’t you say?

I am NOT more “disguising” looking! I am almost 42 years OLD and not only do I have wrinkles, but I have pimples and blackheads! And not just a few, but a whole face full! Try shopping for face cleaners and spot treatments and makeup when a product for one problem worsens the other problem! It’s a nightmare! I have purposely let ALL the light bulbs burn out over the bathroom vanity! I do not want to see what the mirror has to offer me! ESPECIALLY those extremely long but you can barely see them until your 7 year old points them out chin hairs!!!!!! REALLY!!!!!!!!! This is where a ball bat to mirrors would be a super fun sport, if I wasn’t so superstitious!

At the ripe ol age of 42, after having given birth to 3 children, I can not sneeze,laugh or cough without having a bladder leak! Yes, I went there. And as long as I am there, ask my 7 year old what happens when I jump on the trampoline! For the past year she asks me periodically if I will jump with her, and she asks with a smile that says ” PLEASE jump with me so I can tell everyone you peed in your pants AGAIN!!!!”

I also find it strange that with 2 bathrooms in the house, and one out in the building that I am the only one who “gets in trouble” if I lock the bathroom door. All of them, husband included will stand outside that door beating on it hollering ” WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?” like I am a 15 year old boy who’s mom just discovered dads collection of nudie mags had been raided! I mean come on! So, I leave the door unlocked, and in and out they come. I really love it when as I am drying off, because I am the only one in the house who actually dries off as I am getting OUT of the tub, happen to notice that the bathroom door is standing WIDE open. Funny, because I KNOW I shut it when I went in, especially since my almost 13 year old son has his girlfriend and 2 friends over, yup I am positive I shut the door!

I have no idea what I thought my 40’s would be like, I probably thought I’d never live to be THAT old. But, now that I am here, and moving swiftly towards the mid 40’s I’ll tell you what I WANT it to be like!

I don’t want to have to do homework anymore! I have been doing homework since I was 5, and by gosh I don’t want to do it anymore! This is why I don’t go back to school myself, I should have many many many degrees by now with all the homework I have had to do for 5 kids!!!!!!! And, we aren’t close to being finished yet! ( with school that is….I am beyond finished with HAVING kids!)

I want to sleep in EVERYDAY, if I want to! Or, maybe stay up all night doing nothing at all, or reading, or walking thru the grave yard. Yes, I said walking thru the grave yard! Why? I don’t know, maybe to see if it still scares me now that I am old enough to know that NO ONE is going to jump out of the grave and grab me!!!!!

Today, I might want my hair pink, tomorrow I might want it red and the next day I may want to wear feather ear rings! No, I have NEVER wore feather ear rings because I thought those were the most stupid looking things EVER! And now, I want clogs and feather ear rings, just like Stevie Knicks wore in the 80’s! Next week, I may decide to be a Valley Girl.

 

The only thing I am real sure of right now at this precise moment is this:

I don’t mind getting older, but can I please do it on my terms? I’ve spent the last 22 years raising kids, raising a husband, I forgot to be me. I don’t know what I want to be, who I want to be or how I want to be yet.

Time, please slow down a bit, so I can catch up!

From My Diary January 26 2012

What a morning, I tell you! Thursday is my ” have to be at work at 7 AM day” this semester. Because the only way to torture eager minds with the complexity of Anatomy and Physiology is to do it at 8 AM. Last night I went to bed extremely earlier, because I worked myself up into a real nasty migraine. In doing this, Chloe ended up in our bed, which left Scott to sleep in her bed. His alarm went off at 3:30, waking him up is just as nightmarish as waking a hibernating bear before Spring! However, I did make his lunch for him this morning. Then I went back to bed, he had to make his own breakfast. Couldn’t go back to sleep. I went in to check on the fire, decided, I didn’t really care today if it was lit or not, thinking maybe I’ll give it a good clean out when I get home today, then again, maybe I will just attempt to drag it outside!!! After getting ready, I had to get the kids up. Trent, actually got right up and was ready in record time, that is a first….ever!!!!! Chloe, well, Chloe was Chloe. She had a specific outfit that she had planned for the day, and since I did not do a damn thing yesterday, the shirt was in the dirty laundry. Before I tell her this, I go back to her room and find a shirt with Edward on it…….and surprisingly, she did not throw a fit! ( she herself has never seen a Twilight movie, she has seen all the different hypes about all of it, her sister Sincere, however has seen the movies and now has a huge crush on Edward…….I believe this is why we did not have any issues over the change in shirts!) So, we are all ready and heading out the door…..Chloe stops, looks me over and says ” EXACTLY WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE SHOES!” and of course, it was with the whole attitude thing, that by now, I don’t think I even need to describe! I said ” Goodwill” to which she responds with ” YOU WENT TO GOODWILL SHOPPING, GOT A PAIR OF SHOES AND DIDN’T GET ME ANYTHING? WHAT ELSE DID YOU GET?” I told her no I didn’t get her anything, she didn’t need anything right now, and she knew I have been going there looking for a pair of black flats to wear to work cause I HATE high heels! And I also mistakenly told her I bought dad a couple sweat shirts. She proclaimed, as she often does, which sooooo reminds me of another daughter, ” I AM TELLING DAD ON YOU!” I just shrugged my shoulders, as I always do and said ” ok”. It is then that she switches gears and says, ” I really like that sweater Mom” to which I thank her. * now i am shaking my head * she then says ” When you “outgrow” it, can I have it” I tell her, ” sure you can, and maybe by then you can figure out how in the hell you are actually suppose to wear it!” ( it’s one of those damn wrap around things that you can wear it like 7 different ways, and I can’t figure out 1 way to wear it properly, so I used a hair tie!) Now, she notices my socks….she says ” you do realize those socks are for Halloween, right?” I take a deep breath, cause at this point, I just want some coffee, VERY VERY strong coffee, and I am so tired of discussing my wardrobe with my almost 7 year old!!!!!! I tell her, yes I do, but without turning all the lights on in the bedroom and waking you up, they were the only black pair I could find. She shrugs her shoulders and replies with ” ok as long as you know!” So, we actually make it to the car now, we go to Trade Mart first, where both of them put in their “order” when I get back in the car, Chloe exclaims ” So, Mom, WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR HAIR TODAY?!” * dear lord, please give me strength, amen* I answer by reminding her that my flat iron does not work, she sarcastically replies ” is the blow dryer broke too”…….I do believe I banged my head on the steering wheel! Trent of course is laughing, and he had changed my music from KR to some screamo crap….which made my head pound!!!! I took a deep breath and explained, no the blow dryer was not broke, but with the rain and the humidity, it does me absolutely no good to try and straighten it with JUST the blow dyrer. She kind of made a hmpf noise and I swear I could hear her eyes rolling….probably thinking, well if I was you I would have at least TRIED! We FINALLY make it to Mother and Dads…….. NO COFFEE! Then Laci comes out and kind of looks at me side ways, and I say WHAT!!!??? I told you my flat iron doesn’t work anymore!!!!!! Bless her heart, she came out and said, ” Here, I have an extra one!!” HA!!!!!! It must REALLY BE THAT BAD!!!!!! Get to work, look at my slacks, I have something sticky all over them!!!!!! I don’t even know what it is, or where it came from. So, today I am just a flat out MESS!!!!!!!!!!!

I Don’t Wanna Be A Grown Up!

     These days, I often forget most everything. It’s disheartening to say the least, that I have forgotten how to be a kid. Ironically, I did not forget all those thousands maybe millions of times I wished so badly to be a grown up! Now that right there is a prime example of ” becareful what you wish for!
     There are days I almost cringe when I hear ” MOM! ” my response after the 10 billionth time of hearing that word is….in the most dramatically sarcastic loud voice I can muster….. ” WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? ” Which then brings on a cry. Now comes the very skilled and hereditary sigh puff with the roll of the eyes and I’m off to hug and kiss and baby. This, is a typical day, not the occassional burst of exhausted hormonal mom versus kid breakdown.
     My questions are:
1. Who lied about castles? ( I wouldn’t have a castle now if it was given to me free and clear….cause I’m NOT cleaning 20,000 sq feet of anything!)
2. Where is the dang butler? ( I get so tired of people knocking on the doors, and we have 4 doors, so then I have to figure out which door they are knocking on while they knock harder and louder because its taking me so long!)
3. Who said I was the maid? ( I know for a fact no one told me this was part of being an adult. Why did I do all those chores growing up, I thought Moms just took naps!)
4. Where are the tickets for all those exotic vacations? ( isn’t that what parents are suppose to do……party all weekend long at fancy resorts while their kids sit at grandma and grandpas all weekend and sometimes a few extra days? I mean why else did my parents ship me there all the time?)
5. What are spa’s? ( this at my house is defined by a 2 minute hot shower, followed by 4 minutes of a cold blast topped off with beating the body wash bottle on my leg to get the last bit out followed by a quick “throw on” of the closest lotion that can be found before someone comes bursting in with the MOM scream. Just so the next day I can wander where on earth that bruise on my leg came from!)
     In all seriousness, there are times I think to myself ” I just wanna go home!” Or ” MOM! Oh, wait where’s the phone….cause she DOESN’T LIVE HERE!”. I get tired of trying to think of what’s for supper. If I pass the trash can and its not been taken out, yes I just smash it down! I throw all the socks in a basket even though I know I’m gonna hear ” I need socks” or “I can’t find any socks!”. I stack laundry on the dryer even though I know they won’t grab it on their way thru, which means when they go digging thru it everything ends up on the floor just to have to be washed again. I close the kids bedroom doors so I don’t have to see it. When I clean the fridge out I put the pans on the floor for the dogs. These are just a few of my “I just can’t want to do it’s”
     Free time? I have no idea what that is. I go to work not just for the paycheck, but to get out of the house!
     Girls day/night? Please explain, in detailed hick terms…..cause if Momma goes so does daughter! Which may explain why friends don’t even call or text to say hey! How are you? Miss you!
     Fun? Does riding the mower across the street for gas count?
     I don’t wanna be a grown up! I take back all those wishes and pleads.
     Instead, I wanna jump off the back of a pontoon on a Tuesday. Go Jeepin on a Thursday. Race the motorized carts at Wal Mart on Mondays. Go muddin on a 4 wheeler on Fridays. Sleep til 3 or 4 on Saturday, after I woke up to watch an hour of cartoons at 8. Go to church on Sunday followed by some down home family dinner, that someone else cooked and has to clean up. And occasionally, dance in the rain…..after running thru the mud puddles!
     Mom!Mom! Where are you?
     Til next time, go dance in a mud puddle!

We HAD to move to TOWN!

Living in town, compared to the “secluded” riverfront property of the compound is very different!

First, and my husband would roll his eyes about this, and probably my good friend Mossy, because they both seem to think it is weird that I willingly visited my Mom every morning, but I so miss my morning coffee visits with my mom! *and for some reason that made me tear up!* Even if we had mornings where we didn’t say a word to each other, we were still “visiting”, and I don’t know about her, but it made me feel good.

Second, I can not STOP running to the window every time I hear a car drive by, which is like every 3 seconds. I think “someones here!”, and the odd thing is the one time I choose not to run to the window, someone is here! Given there are way too many doors in this house, when someone does come, it’s like playing hide and go seek. They knock on one door, I go to another, and it just keeps on going! So, for future reference, we do not use either of the “front” doors, except in the morning when we are waiting for the school bus. When you go around back, go to the second door. If you forget this and go to the actual front door, please DO NOT ring the door bell, it really irritates me, who invented that thing anyway!

Third, not only do we have a multitude of doors, but windows too, I am use to running around the house in whatever I want….especially from the shower to my bedroom, which at the old house, you stepped out of the bathroom into the bedroom. Now, I have to go down the hall and thru the front room, which has a VERY big window. And even though I am constantly shutting those blinds, someone is constantly opening them! And this brings me to number 4!

Number 4, my dog now has to go out on a leash, which irritates both me and him. Not to mention, he is used to as soon as my feet hit the floor, I am opening the door to let him out. Now, he has to wait for me to get dressed in something the neighbors won’t gauk at, which just like the leash irritates us both! What am I gonna do come summer? Mow the yard in sweats?

Now I know it may sound like I do not like our new home, quite the opposite actually. I love our new home, I just wish we could move it to the other side of the highway.

The other day I was outside walking Jack, in our yard, waiting on the school bus, this van approaches with some old lady and her dog, she stops dead in the road right in front of me and Jack, stares at us for a good full minute, as does her dog, she then smacked her dog on top of the head and drove off. REALLY ? I mean WTF was that? Of course, you know me, I stood there and stared back, and I am sure Jack did too. Is that how you get welcomed to the neighborhood now? A stare down? What happened to casseroles and pies or house-warming gifts? This is true stuff, no joking.

I now know why those who can afford a very tall fence with a gate have one, and if we could afford to fence the entire yard and gate it, we would trust me. Oh, and a moat that would be so cool! Oh well, I am sure I will get use to it….eventually!

The neighborhood children NEVER go home! In and out the doors all day long. Letting the dogs out each time, then getting upset because now the dogs are out and they want to chase the boys on their bikes. I can not tell you how many times they open the refrigerator door! Once, I told them to drink from the garden hose ( i had to when i was their age) they all looked at me like I had blood coming out of my eyes, and then one asks “what’s a garden hose?” REALLY? You have got to be kidding me! I wanted to yell, GO HOME!

I hate town!

Saturday evening I was sitting in the family room watching something on Bravo, I look out the window and there stands this little blonde headed boy on our patio. He could not have been anymore than 2 years old. So, I get up, go out there, and I start asking him where his mommy is and so on, then this little girl came waltzing up with her hands on her hips shaking her head at me and says ” he’s Lindons brother”. Now, she was probably 4 if that. I ask her if she knows where his mommy is and she mumbled something that I could not understand. This little girl had an attitude from you know where, and she was not the least bit afraid to show it. Through the conversation I had with her, that lasted a good 3 minutes or more, the only thing I was able to come up with was 1. he was NOT her brother, 2. he was Lindons brother. So, I go inside to get my shoes on, thinking I am going to have to walk around this damn neighborhood and find this little boys Mother, who obviously didn’t care he was even gone. At that point it had been 5 minutes and no sign of a Mother, no one hollering and screaming for their child, I on the other hand was a nervous wreck! It took me 30 seconds to put my flip-flops on go back outside. At this point, the little boy had found Trent’s BB gun that was laying in the yard for some UNKNOWN reason. This particular BB gun looks like a .22 rifle, or whatever .22’s are. So, I take it from him and explain ” this can hurt you”. I take his hand, with the BB gun in my other hand, and start out across the yard. Well, looky there, here comes this HUGE woman charging at me. ( it did not occur to me until later what it must have looked like with me holding her son’s hand AND a gun!) She is charging in such a manner that it sends Rachel, our little rat terrier mix into a frenzy. She was NOT going to let that woman anywhere near me. At that point Jack decided, maybe he should let out a bark or two. This woman, never said anything to her son, never asked me to get my dogs back, actually she never said a word until she went to attempt to kick Jack and yelled SHUT THE EFF UP! Not good! So, not good! My dogs are just like my kids…..If I could have grabbed that woman by her throat and choked her I would have. But, instead I said a few choice words of my own and told her to get her fat ass off my property!

That fence and mote I mentioned previously, is looking damn good right about now!

Apparently from what I could find out from other neighbors, this woman and her boyfriend have a hand full of kids and they can’t be bothered to watch them. There is either an older brother or sister, or both, but by older I do not believe he/she is anymore then 6. Anyway, that is who is in charge of watching them when they are all outside to play. \

I would like to click my heels now!