Manuals for the Living

My brain sometimes thinks sideways and upside down, and as crazy as it may sound backwards periodically. Most generally, my husband and I have completely opposite views. His is more in a straight tidy well organized line, with labels and tabs and an index Incase you get lost. Baffles my mind to bits. My line zig zags circles around and around comes back this way then back that way, you get the idea, and I guarantee you I drive him insane. I think he is so hard to read and figure out and that I am an open book, he sees it the other way around.

So, my mind gets to wandering. What if we all came with a manual when we were born. What if. Let’s say that manual covered absolutely everything about you and your life. In general terms. This manual covers everything from how you were going to be birthed to how you were going to die and everything in between. Again, in generalizations, like you would reach the height of 5’2 before you reach adulthood, but will shrink to the height of 4’8 before your death. With no specifics such as you will reach 5’2 in the 5th grade and appear to be an Amazon woman towering above all your classmates, however; they will all pass you up one day. And you will have 3.2 children before the age of 40 but no more specifics, especially what the heck the .2 is. You will be born in the back seat of a car ( which I was not) and you will die in the back seat of a car. No specifics again, just general information. You will obtain x amount of schooling. You get the idea. All generalized info. With some added things such as say, you will be deathly allergic to chocolate. Just enough information to not be enough information.

Would you want to have this manual for any reason? Would you want it to help you with the early years of being a new parent? If you did accept the manual to help you with the early years with your babies, would you want to pass the manual on to them as they got older, if so, when would you pass it on to them? If you made the decision to not pass it on to them, and they learn upon having their own child that there is such a manual; what would you say to them then?

I have thought and thought about this. I have known several people who have committed suicide. Had they had manuals that stated their lives would end by their own hand, would it have changed things? Would they have taken their lives sooner? Or never?

There are times I think I wish I could go back to a certain time in my life and know what I know now. But if I could do that how would it make my life different now? My guess is, it would change it but not for the better. I know someone who was constantly trying to find a way to get rich, had a law suit against a former employer, netted him far less then he had hoped. Had another law suit against a driver who rear ended him, still had to work. Then one day while out on his Harley a little old lady crossed the Center line and struck him. He fought for his life. Lost a leg. Mangled him up really bad. Was in the hospital forever it seemed then rehab, and still had troubles today with his prosthetic leg. But, he’s a millionaire-ish now. If he’d have had a manual, how would that have changed his look at life?

I’ve learned that we go through the crazy things and the bad things and even the good things to better ourselves. Learn lessons from those things. Move forward. If we have a manual that guides us, where would we really end up? Better? Worse?

I’m good with who I am now. I’m not perfect, but I’m a better person then I use to be. And I went through a lot of shit to get here. Not all bad shit. And not all someone else’s shit, I stirred just as much as anyone else did. So I think for me, I wouldn’t want that manual. Because it would make me afraid. Afraid to live each day to it’s fullest. Afraid to take chances when maybe I can’t really afford them. Afraid to laugh or afraid to cry. And that’s certainly not living.

So, I’m gonna keep on living each day as God gives it to me, thanking him all the way. And I’m going to keep screwing up and praying He helps me through it!!!

✌🏼😘

Things I’ve Learned About Running

I am no fitness expert. Not a running expert either. In fact I know nothing about fitness and only a slight bit more then that about running.
I’m not even sure what I have began is considered running at all. It’s probably more of a light jog on the treadmill. I’ve only been at it for two weeks. My goal is to run a 5 K in May.
All that being said, the following is what I have learned about running thus far!
• Choose your playlist very carefully! You want music that will keep you motivated, but will NOT bring out the 80’s head banging or hustle & flow moves because THAT does not end well on a treadmill!
• Have a water bottle which allows you to squirt the water into your mouth versus having to unscrew the lid and drink. On the plus side of the latter, you can play it off as you really worked up one heck of a sweat! 😉
• Wear TWO sports bras- that should be self explanatory
• DO NOT GET ON THE TREADMILL WHEN IT IS SET ON FULL SPEED AHEAD! EVEN IF YOU ARE HOLDING ON- SUPER BAD IDEA!
• Do not position the treadmill so it is anywhere near the ping pong table, that is if you have one. For some reason the person on the side which has them facing you occasionally feels the need to slam the ball as if they are attempting to hit a home run- and yes I am aware home runs don’t exist in ping pong- that’s my point!
• I won’t bring up the dart board, now that I think about it, probably should move the treadmill at this point!
• When your dog comes up and sits and stares at you, do not bend over to let him! Even if you are holding o !
• Stretch before & after
• Stay hydrated ( remember squirt bottle)
• Breath thru both your nose and mouth, more oxygen, less of a headache!
• Set realistic goals
• ALWAYS potty TWICE before you get on the treadmill, cause on e you get going you are still going to think you have to go!
My final words of novice wisdom: try to time your running playlist so you end your run with a song like Queens ” We Are The Champions” or Kid Rocks ” Never Met A Mother Fucker Quite Like Me ” Trust me, when you feel like your either going to puke or passout and you’ve lost your HMPF with one minute left- one of those songs come on and you push yourself through that last minute and get off the treadmill with an attitude like HELL YEAH I DID IT!
Until next time, keep your feet on the ground!

Chocolate Bandit ( purely for fun!)

BREAKING NEWS….PATOKADELPHIA…..: Chocolate Thief HAS been identified! Local Heiress to River Bottoms Fortune was nabbed early this afternoon while sitting on her couch in her bath robe, with her cat on her lap eating reported stolen chocolate. Details are still sketchy at this time. We will follow this story as it develops!
John J D White wrongfully accused suspect turns out to be hero in investigation. haha
……..Local mail man was questioned after witnesses saw him teasing a chiuaua with what appeared to be a chocolate bar. After further investigation, mail man was released for co operating with Chocolate Investigators. What was thought to be a chocolate bar, was in fact a rubber remote control toy! Unfortunately for mail man, due to his co operation on the apprehension of the Heiress, he has been ejected from the will of Heiress, and no longer stands to gain the power of her Cat Kingdom!

In breaking news, Patokadelphia Heiress has admitted to eating chocolate. A spokesperson for the Chocolate Investigation Crime Unit ( C.I.C.U.) reports that Heiress confessed to having consumed chocolate. Reports are still a sketchy, but it appears Heiress consumed chocolate under duress while being held captive in a corner by hissing cat. It is … See More-also reported that Heiress did not steal the chocolate herself. She has claimed that the chocolate magically appeared at her door with a note from a local Daycare owner stating simply: ” I did this for you “. The Daycare owner in question has not been apprehended at press time

.Stacy White-Allen *whispers* Daycare owner has gone into hiding in an undisclosed location (her house) and will assuredly plead the fifth. She has many little-bitty alibis (i mean accomplices) to make her case strong.

In today’s news, C.I.C.U. ( get it *see i see you!ha*) investigators tried to question a fore mentioned Daycare owner. Upon arrival of the not-so-secret lair of the D.O., investigators were malled by what they describe as tiny sucker yeilding oompa lumpa’s. Investigators were last seen running wild on the south side of the Big City. reports suggest they were waving their hands frantically and screaming incoherently. An insider has suggested that members of the C.A.R.S. ( Crazy Ass Riotors Service) unit have been deployed to apprehend the C.I.C.U. Investigators.

In other news, it has been reported that local River Bottoms Heiress has in fact named the benefactor who stands to inherit the much sought after Cat Kingdom. An anonymous source says that Strawberry Shortcake has in fact been named the new benefactor. This change in the Heiresses will stems from her brother having named the Heiress as the Chocolate thief. The brother, in his much distraught state over this change of the will was found in a creek with hip high boots on in an hysterical state screaming ” WHO WANTS THOSE MANGY CRITTERS ANYWAY!”

More on this story as it develops, back to you Bob!

SHUT UP!

If you know me, or if you follow my blog, then you know I am a HUGE Kid Rock fan.
Big deal right? I mean most people are a huge fan of someone or something! What makes me any different or special in a fan kind of way? Nothing at all, on a normal day.
February 12th was NOT a normal day, and neither will April 1rst be.
April 1rst is the Kid Rock concert my son and I are going to.

I should probably rewind some of this so everyone else can understand what on earth I am talking about. I’m sure right now it all sounds either crazy or in code.
Being a member of the Kid Rock fan club, Rebel Soldiers, I was able to enter a contest called ” Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity”. Two winners would be picked for each concert venue already on the schedule. No other details. That’s it. So, of course I entered! I entered daily for a week, then they closed the contest.
Sometime after 9 PM on February 12 th I checked my emails via my phone before going to bed. I had an email that said I was a winner for the concert I had chosen. All I had to do was respond to the email with verification I was in fact a fan club member and I do have a ticket for that concert. My first reply to the email said this: ” SHUT UP! Is this for real!?” To which I received an immediate reply that yes it was in fact for real and please submit the verification requested. So I did.
I then receive an email telling me what to do on the day of the concert. That’s it! Nothing else.
Well, at that point I was thinking ” there is no way this is real” Which in checking the fan forum, apparently no one else believed it was real either. For some crazy odd reason, that told me it was in fact real. But why was it so cryptic? No one on the fan forum was talking about their experience at the concerts as winners. Why? Now, it passed cryptic and sailed straight on to creepy.
In talking with another fan, who won for the concert the night before the concert I won for, we wandered …. Are they kidnapping people? I mean cause Jeepers a Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity and no one is posting anywhere about it? No pictures NOTHING! ANYWHERE! So that’s it, now we know…. Someone is kidnapping Kid Rock fans! Great!
Luckily, someone finally posted!

It seems they expected way more than what the actual prize ended up being. I think the words they used were something like “complete bullshit, nowhere near the epic experience I thought I was going to get”
Now, I’m going to stop here to tell you before thinking fans were being kidnapped, I had been saying things like ” I’ll probably get a free hotdog and drink” or ” they will have me mop the stage” because in fact a Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity would be anything outside the normal buying a ticket to the concert experience, right? Right!
Still all the while hoping I’d get to meet him.
Well, the prize is, during the last song of the concert, the winners for each show get to stand on the stage and clap while Kid Rock signs and performs the last set.
Now, according to the fan that was completely disappointed, he doesn’t even look the winners way! I hope this isn’t true! I mean if I don’t get to meet him, at least I can say HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME! Of course in my case if he does look right at me it will be because I tripped and fell and knocked something over, probably fall off stage to boot.
I can see the disappointment. I mean you get all excited and tell everyone that you have won, but you don’t know what you have won. And everyone is ” oh you’ll get to meet him!” Now that I know before hand, I can let everyone know, hey I don’t get to meet Kid Rock, but I do get to make an ass out of myself on stage so take plenty of pictures! I’d been a bit ticked if I hadn’t known and then after the concert been asked ” so did ya get to meet him” ….. I’d have felt like a complete idiot!
Thank Goodness I only bought a new pair of jeans and not a new pair of shoes too! What a disaster that could have ended up being! 😉
Who knows, maybe next time!

Not At All What I Had Been Visualizing

     For the most part, I am behind when it comes to music. Unless, of course its Kid Rock, and I am up-to-the-minute!
     So, the first time I heard Pontoon, was maybe a month ago. Man, I love that song. When I hear it, I so want to go find a pontoon boat climb up to the top and jump off the back! Cross my heart…..so true!! What makes that even more funny, I am scared of water!
     As soon as I heard it I had to come home, find it, download it and go mow my yard. Beacause that’s really the only time I get to actually relax and listen to my music.
     Anyway, I am hacking away on the ol Husqvarna ( which I can actually say correctly now thank you very much, and I will add I have something those goofy ass valley girls in California can’t have….sorry that’s an 80’s thing, I get side tracked easily)….where was I, o, Husqvarna…..yes, hacking away and the song comes on….I’m singing and mowing and have my arms moving like I’m swimming thru the water. Hey, its my yard, my mower, my relaxation.
     The visualization going thru my mind is sheer luxury. I mean if your going to get the whole picture in your mind while on a mower, you gotta go big with it right? Picture it…..not me mowing and singing but, hear the song and picture the pontoon boat. Got it? Me too! Makes you wanna go pontooning right?
      Ok, so I do a Google search, just because I am bored and THIS is what pulls up:

image

YUP! I am so serious! I think I laughed so hard I spit out my nose. Thought to myself, dang even Google knows I can’t afford to fantasize on someone elses budget! THANKS GOOGLE! WAY TO CRUSH A GIRLS DREAMS WHEN SHE’S NOT HAD A CIGARETTE IN 5 DAYS!
     So, now I am gonna have a bowl of Boo Berry Cereal, follow it up with a Blueberry Tootsie Pop and then turn on a Kid Rock song and do the sprinkler dance like Google can’t see me!
😀