Kid Rock

Wow! March 1rst Kid Rock came to Roberts Stadium in Evansville, IN. For the first time in all the times I have seen him live on stage or at an event on T.V., I did not cry when he took the stage! Maybe turning 40 has brought about a surge of adulthood, God I hope not!!

You may be thinking “why on earth would this grown ass woman cry when Kid Rock comes on stage?” Well, there is a sort of “emotional” attachment to his voice. I know, now you think I am beyond crazy and perhaps even certifiable. Truth be told, I just might be. I’ll tell you my story, then you can decide for yourself. Before I begin, I have to tell you, I don’t share my personal experiences with many, and have NEVER told this story to anyone outside of my circle of friends. I am not even sure if my husband knows the full story behind my “personal” attachment to Kid Rocks’ voice.

I suppose I should give you some background before jumping into the deep end.

I was the owner of a salon, I was married with a young son. My Mothers boss at the local factory started coming in to get his hair cut. One thing led to the other, and I left my husband and within 6 months Scott and I were married. There was a moment in time, before I left my first husband that I took Scotts’ hand in mine, and something just lit up. I knew at that moment that he was my soul mate, the love of my life. I went home I told my husband I wanted a divorce, and that as they say is history.

To date, Scott and have been married 13 1/2 years. April 13 of this year marks the 14th anniversary of the night I took his hand in mine. Things are so very good these days. We are actually going to be closing on our first house this week. However, things have not always been so good. In fact they were bad VERY VERY bad. I would describe the bad period in our life as a roller coaster ride thru hell and back again.

I knew when Scott and I got together that he occasionally smoked pot. I was ok with that. As I saw it, really what was the difference in that and the man who came home from work everyday and drank a case of beer. I can’t say that pot was a stepping stone, because I am not convinced it was. I think it did open the world up to him in a manner that he was able to find what he wanted when he wanted, beyond the pot. When his oldest daughter was 15 she was “violated” . The police did not want to do anything about it because this man was under investigation for involvement with a drug trafficking gang out of Chicago. ( about a year later he was arrested for possession of pot and got a whopping 12 months probation-never a charge on him or any of the other supposed members) HE terrorized my daughter, me, our whole family when he would see us out. My husband damn near went insane with rage, and with that feeling of worthlessness from not being able to protect his daughter. I honestly thought he would track him down and kill him. And I imagine it went thru his mind. But, instead he turned to methamphetamine. It was a progression really. He didn’t jump into the deep in and then was lost to us. But as he progressed, there was no pulling him back in. HE just sank deeper and deeper and deeper. At the beginning, I knew what was going on, but I put blinders on. Once it got to a point of no return, regretfully, I had allowed it to go on for so long, I could not reach him. By this time he was “deeply” involved. There would be times he would be gone for days. I would have no idea where he was who he was with, how to contact him. He would leave us with no money, no car, barely any food in the cabinets. His mother would call for him, and I would lie as to where he was. My family and friends would question his where abouts, his state of mind and so on. I can remember one time it was the dead of winter, a blizzard going on outside, the authorities had called for a state of emergency, and the furnace went out. I called my dad crying, but he wouldn’t dare the roads to come help. I called my husbands cell phone, no answer…shocking….anyone and everyone I could think of that may know where he was. I left shitty messages on many a cell phone, and FINALLY a few hours later, me and all the kids bundled on the couch in a ton of blankets, he came storming in madder then an old wet hen, fixed the furnace and was gone for another 3 days. Because I had the nerve to call his “friends” and leave those shitty messages. And that, that was a good night. How about seeing your vehicle go cruising past your house with a strange girl driving it. Finding messages on your husbands phone, not for him, but for his girlfriend. Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough finding text messages between your husband and your very own sister, and not “hey how ya doin” messages… but “booty call ” messages. And, at the time I was 7 months pregnant. Which, of course for the entire 9 months he swore was not his. Finding out that during that blizzard when the furnace went out he couldn’t be found because he was shacked up somewhere with yet another of his crank whores. There were many, all of which he denies of course. The one he could not deny, he got her pregnant while I was pregnant. Care to guess how I found out? I doubt you will, so here it is. I had a dream one night that this girl with long dark hair showed up at my door with her mother and informed me she was pregnant. Of course he denied it, no on else would tell me the truth, then FINALLY one night for some reason he decided to clear his conscious, but his version basically that she more or less raped him but he let her. I know right!?!

I knew it would be a bad night when he would come home turn off all the lights and close all the blinds. Jeeze, those nights were real rough. He saw ghosts and para troopers and spies and God only knows what else.

There came a time when things were so bad, I cut off all ties to friends (did I mention my best friend was one of his conquers?..yeah) and family. I was alone. In mind, body and spirit. I was beat down and broken. I happened across a Kid Rock CD that my sister had left. I remember I put it in the computer, skipped thru a shit load of songs until I heard “Lonely Road of Faith” I cried and I cried and I cried, then I cried some more. I think I listened to that song a million times in the next few days. At that point if I remember correctly he had been gone about 3 days or so. I was pissed, boiling over ready to rip someone in half pissed. I put that cd in and let the whole thing play. I found there was a song for just about every emotion I would go thru at any given time. So, when I was pissed the fuck off, I would listen to ” Never Met a Mother Fucker…” when I was down and feeling sorry for myself it would be anything from “Lonely Road of Faith” to “Only God Knows Why” (by this point I had found other Kid Rock songs.) and even when I thought I wanted to try to understand my husband, what he was going thru, yes there was a song for that, like ” Jackson Mississippi”. So, that voice booming these songs out at me, letting me feel what I needed to feel, letting me throw a glass at the wall or what ever it was I needed, that voice became my shoulder to lean on. It became my friend, my break in the dark of loneliness. That voice saved ME. Really, I am not insane. I do not find an attachment to Kid Rock himself for any reason. Seeing him gives life to that voice, but I have no misguideedness towards a bond or connection of myself and him. Just a voice out of the darkness leading me to the light. And if that makes me crazy, then I am glad to be.

Would I love for him to show up at my door and he and I be life long friends, hell yes. Do I live in reality and understand this will never happen, unfortunately and sadly, yes I do. So, whether you understand it or not, that is my story. I am not sure why I didn’t cry this time at his concert. Maybe maturity, maybe the evolution of our life has finally brought me to peace. And maybe, after many many years, my heart is has mended and is again a whole. I am not sure, but what ever it is, whatever happened or didn’t happen, I am forever a true Kid Rock fan.

You may be wondering at this point what ever happened, well you already know we are still together. My husband ended up going to jail, spent some time there, some time on house arrest. And thru the last 6 years, we have healed, mended and moved forward in our lives. I suppose all of that will be another chapter in our lives.

In closing this, if anyone has actually read this far….. always believe……….

When I Grow Up!!!!!

I will admit, a few months ago I turned 40. It wasn’t near as bad as I thought it would be. Of course, I am not sure what I expected to happen. The earth to stop rotating maybe, a giant asteroid landing on my person? I seriously don’t know why I thought it would be so bad. Except, given my Dad gave me grief for an entire YEAR that I would be turning 40, that made me alittle anxious I suppose.  * the jokes on him now, cause I will give him grief for the next year on his about to turn 60*

So, I think maybe it is time I decide what I want to be when I grow up. Because it seems like that “grow up” time is creeping up on me faster and faster. I came to this realization just the other night when my 11 year old son asked me: ” Mom, what do you think I should be when I grow up?” At first, I was a bit taken aback, here he is 11 and he is thinking about and wandering about what he SHOULD be when he grows up. When I was 11 I have no idea what I was thinking, but I highly doubt it had anything to do with when I grew up! I know this to be true, because here I sit at 40, and I still don’t want to think about it. It’s a good thing that all this is going through his mind, maybe that is a sign he will fare this life much more successfully then his Mother has.

This also made me wander, allthose people we went to school with that are now doctors, and lawyers and successful at everything they touch……did they figure out and map out their entire “grown up” life when they were 11? And what on earth made them do that at 11? I mean, why were they mapping out their future when I was throwing rocks at the metal building across the road because I loved hearing the “ting” it made when it hit??!!! Seriously, why was the now Prosecuting Attorney NOT playing with GI Joe’s and blowing up his sisers Barbie Dolls???  Did these ambitous kids’ parents steer them in that direction? Should I be sitting down with my 11 year old AND my 5 year old and say…..ok this is where you want to go and this is how you are going to get there? *shrugs shoulders* I have no idea……

Because, as I have said, I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. This is why you have woman who are 90 graduating from college. 90 seems like a good age to grow up and get it all figured out at!

So, I think….if I were to try and decide what I want to be when I grow up….what MIGHT that be?

Possibility #1. Kid Rocks wife

Sadly enough, the only PLAN I can come up with is to find him when he is drop dead drunk or high as a kite and marry him real quick…..then KEEP him drop dead drunk and high as a kite for the next say, 10 years!!!! So, anyone know where I can find ol Bob Ritchie these days?

Possibilty#2 Have my own PRC Housewives Show

Now, this idea, should really be #1, but I got alittle ahead of myself by getting excited when I thought about Kid Rock. Unfortunately, it seems you have to be drop dead rich and have 7 nannies for 2 kids along with a house manager, which I have no idea what THAT is, a personal assistant, and so on….along with a mansion and do absolutely NOTHING all day but shop drink and cause drama to qualify for this…..and although you may be surprised…..I have NONE of those things.  So, if anyone else out there knows of a plan to head me down this path…CALL ME!

And so, now I am all out of possibilities. Due to the fact that anything else I could come up with requires me to have some sort of skill or talent, and sadly I have none. I always wanted to take guitar lessons, but there was always something more fun to do. Bought a sewing machine not too long ago, it works great for throwing my clothes over. Stacy and I even bought material and STUFF to attempt to make a quilt, not sure what happened to that idea, other then I have no idea HOW to work the sewing machine I bought. Made some bracelets a few years ago, that was fun, however, my eyes can’t see those tiny beads anymore….and I REFUSE to go to TRI FOCALS!

So, here I am lost in confusion on what to do and how to do it. Of course I do WANT to grow up, because I really don’t like the alternative to NOT growing up. I just don’t know what I want to BE!

You know what would be SO awesome! If I had a long lost great great uncle that I never knew about, that just so happened to be a billionaire. He was mean and hated his kids and his kids hated him, so upon his death, I inherit a good portion of his billions! Then I could have a mansion, a house manager, a stylist, a nannie, shop all day and be on The REAL HOUSEWIVES of PRC!!! Now, my friends THAT is a plan!!!!!!!


January 8, 2011

Well, now that we got the formation information down, I guess it’s time to move on to something a bit more serious before we get completely out of control with ourselves.

After an almost 18 month battle with Pancreatic Cancer, on January 8, 2011, we lost our dear friend and PRC member, Amy. She was very brave in her day to day struggle with this horrible disease.

I don’t want to throw too much personal  info on this subject out there, because it is not my story to tell. Nor , will I gain personal gratification from my personal grief, that of my friends, or our bond as “sisters” in displaying Amy and her familys struggle thru the past 18 months.

I will however tell you, I was very lucky to have been “reunited” with Amy and to have made some wonderful lasting memories over the past 18 months. For me, she will be sadly missed.

I will also tell you, if you do not have a charity that you actively donate to, you really should find one. A good place to start is the American Cancer Society. Cancer period is a horrible disease to battle. Wether your diagnosis is terminal, or curable, the process of fighting this disease takes a huge toll not only on the patient, but their family and friends. I can’t believe with all the science we have available, all the research that has been done, and continues, that a cure has not or can not be found. So, I strongly earge you, to donate.

God Bless

We will forever carry Amy in our hearts!

Patokadelphia Retirement Club

This is my first blog post, so bare with me; as if anyone would actually read this!

The Patokadelphia Retirement Club really started out as a joke between Stacy and I. We were on the phone one day talking about how when we were old we would sit on her porch on Main Street Patoka, Indiana, dressed in our purple pants, red shirt, yellow socks and pink feathered hats and throw tennis balls at all the kids that passed by her house. Of course, we added a whole lot more to the story, we were rolling in tears by the time the conversation was done. A day or two, heck maybe even a week later, there was something Stacy wanted to tell our “group” of friends that she didn’t want anyone else to see as a post on Facebook. So, she created a group page called The Patokadelphia Retirement Community (or club), also known as, the PRC. On this page we could gossip, bitch whatever we wanted back and forth to each other. And from there we have become an unofficial “official” club.

Our “original members” are a group of us “girls” that grew up together in the small Southern Indiana farming town of Patoka. We also refer to this little ol town as the “Devil City”, because it’s zip code ends with “666”, no joke. Stacy, as I mentioned lives now, as well as most of her young life on Main Street. Me, Julie, I grew up on the “other” side of the tracks, and that is literally, on Spring Street. Denise, well she also hails from my side of town, and also the same street. Then, we have Amy, she was from the same sad part of town as Denise and I, only a block over, and it beats me what on earth the name of that street is and was! Oh, and I can’t forget Jessica GB, we have no idea where she grew up, because she came to Patoka much later, and her parents, which she still lives with at a rip ol age of 30~something, live way on the OTHER side of the highway. She, likes to refer to her “side” as the upper side, but she is only fooling herself! Next, we have Jessica S and Chloe. These two were “adopted” into the group because they “belong” to Stacy and I, respectfully, and as old geezers, we will need the younger ones to take care of us.

At some point and time Kathy G was adopted in, Stacy nominated her and I seconded it, and as originating founders, we brought her aboard. She is probably sorry we did this to her! Now that I think about it, Kathy has NOT been initiated in!

Then came Carri U. Oh Carri U!!!!!! We had to bring her in, cause not only is she as crazy as us, she has an awesome pool that we LOVE to crash during the summer!!!!!!

And our newest memeber, Brandy B. Now this is one for the books. It shows how crazy and diverse we “girls” are. Brandy is the wife of Stacys second ex-husband. (he was your second right) I think it was me that said we had to bring her in. She sat in on one of our “secret” hill sittings, once you do that, you are in, wether you like it or not. At this point, she has probably decided she doesn’t like it, but that is too bad for her! You can NOT escape the PRC!

So, that is the basic run down on the “who” the “how” and the “why” of the PRC. Although, I am sure one if not all of the “girls” will have something to add to all of this! Which, I welcome with an open keyboard!!!!!!!

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