Itโ€™s Just A Bitch

I’ll just cut straight to it, I’m pushing 50 just as hard as I’m pulling 45. And I’m telling you it’s a bitch. Most all of it is, bit today Auntie Flow is one hell of a bitch. I hate her.

First, I’ve worked my ass off over the last month since her last visit. Not lying one bit. I’ve been rowing that damn rower tracking my food weighing in every damn day so excited to see the damn scale move .001 of a pound every morning. And OMG I’m so ducking excited ……. wait!!!!! Who the hell says ” ducking”???!! Nobody but this stupid piece of shot …… you are seriously killing me!! So FUCKING excited to FINALLY be down 12 pounds . Yup. Then SLAM straight into hell. Woke up knowing I’d be down another .02 I mean I had nothing but green smoothies yesterday just to show that scale who’s the real bitch around here. ๐Ÿคจ 6 pounds. GAINED!! Fingers so damn swollen can’t zip my pants. Feet so swollen can’t get my shoes on. I’ve been doing this for 30 damn years I’m over this shit! OVER IT!!!

But, apparently you just can’t say you’re over it and be over it. So here I am in the middle of the damn night with cramps from hell, a throbbing head ache 4 ginormous pads stuck one on top of the other trying to keep from eating an entire box of Hostess Suzy Q’s ( because it takes 2 to equal the size of what 1 use to be!) and scrolling through tunes crying one minute, pissed off the next and ready to head bang at the next one. It’s a slippery slope of downward spirals. I swear if I didn’t have to work tomorrow I’d already have downed the bottle of expensive margarita my sister in law gave me. ( which I’m saving for a special day)

Tomorrow is most certainly going to suck. Why? Because I am STARVING for chocolate, it’s damn near 11:00 at night; like 2 hours past my bedtime and I have to be at work at 7:00 AM!!!

Why on earth am I not rich and famous? Oh hell just rich. Why on earth am I not on my yacht off some beautiful tropical island roasting some insane toast with Kid Rock??! Never mind Kid Rock, he surely has cooties. Just me and my husband being insanely rich on our yacht off of a beautiful tropical island?!!

There ya have it . It’s a Bitch. All of it.

Carry On!

Jules

No One Told Me

Do you remember high school and wishing it was over? Do you remember your mom telling you not to wish your days away because once you graduate time flies so fast? I remember, I didn’t believe her though.

One day I was 18, very shortly there after I was 28, then 38 sometime this year I’ll be 48. And do you know what I’m still doing? Wishing the days away. Then I’m mad because time is flying by so damn fast. Truth of it is, I’m wishing the days away when I’m at work.

Just last weekend my husbands siblings and spouses all got together in Nashville TN for a weekend of adulting. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to come back to have to go to work. I swear if I could live in Nudies Honky Tonk on Broadway I would, I love that bar. But I can’t. Real life adulting for us is working until we are so tired we can’t really enjoy life.

Truth is I want to be on a beach all day. Everyday. Somewhere tropical all the time. I hate winter and every other season, I just want tropical. I mean there has to be a job I can do from my hammock over looking a beautiful sandy escape with a back drop of an emerald ocean.

For the love of enjoying life NO ONE TOLD ME I’d have to work insanely hard just to survive. No one told me being an adult could just suck the life out of you. This is not how it is suppose to be. But, no one told there were options. No one told me to save save save and invest so I could retire at 50. In high school they gave us some sort of test to give us an idea of what we would be good as in terms of a career. I think I got Gardner, which is so funny today. Most of us grow up to work in a factory or on the coal mines around here. No one told me storm chasing or ghost hunting was an option, or reviewing posh restaurants on sandy beaches. I could so do that, I love to eat and I love the beach. No one told me.

I can not figure out how some people set a course when they were 15 to get through high school to college and on to a successful career and it stuck! I mean at 15 I was in tears if o was out of Aqua Net I sure couldn’t see 20 years down the road. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up! Whatever that is that those people have, I seriously lacked. And today here I sit dying to enjoy adulthood. Wanting so much for us to be able to just go and do and not have to think about how it will affect the budget.

So, if you’re reading this and your under 21, now you know. Start saving now! Sacrifices whatever you have to do you can be wild and care free later in life. I promise you it is so worth it.

If your reading this and you just so happen to need a family to live in and take care of your mansion on a beautiful island so your soon to be 7th ex wife doesn’t get it, email me, let’s talk terms!

Not Me

By now we all know that a woman from Massachusetts won a huge amount of money. We all know her name, her age and many more things about her. Sadly, I have to inform you it was not me. I did buy two tickets. I knew it wasn’t going to be me so there was no way I was going to go broke trying to appease the lottery Gods.

On that Thursday morning after the drawing I saw all these posts popping up on social media. They were of her coming out of the lottery office for the first time after coming forward. People were being down right horrible in their comments. Just bashing her about her chewing her gum. Could you imagine? I mean you find out you are the sole winner of an insane amount of money, I imagine there is a moment of complete shock. Kind of like ” SHUT UP! ” with your jaw dropped and you feel like you can’t catch your breath kind of moment. I would think I’d sit down and just cry. I would cry like I have not ever cried before and I would let it all go, everything cause damn it I can go buy myself a good bra now!!! So you get all your shit together take it all in and you go to the Powerball office. Not thinking this is a big deal for anyone other then you. You are sitting in the office filling out whatever they have for you to fill out and someone mentions the media is there. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ” What? Wait? Who?…….. oh hell no, I’m not going out there. Shit. Are you serious? Can’t I just climb out that window? This is no one else’s business but my own I’m not going on tv!!! You have got to be kidding me! Ok I need a cigarette. What the hell do you mean no smoking inside??? You people are pissing me off. I can’t go out there. Ok. I can do this. Does someone have some gum?” I mean come on think about? I haven’t smoked for 5 years but I’d want a cigarette. I mean this kind of thing doesn’t happen to normal people. It does not happen to me. And now that it has I have to go out and smile in front of media? Oh damn it. I’d chomp that gum like the new multi millionaire I am and talk all your smack cause guess what, yup you aren’t getting a dime of it. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ That’s right. OWN IT GIRL!!

What happens next? The rest of us will continue to dream knowing we won’t ever get to retire because we skipped class on the day they were teaching planning for your future. And this woman, man how exciting! I’d love to be on her first real shopping trip with her. Will she let loose and buy those $200 jeans and $500 boots because she can? Or will she still be like ” but they are just jeans who in the hell spends $200 on jeans? Not this girl I don’t care how much money I have!” See, I love shoes and purses and cars ๐Ÿ˜Š That being said I’m not sure even if I did spend $500 on a pair of shoes I’d have it in my heart to wear them OUTSIDE! Although I’d love to know how those shoes feel or how $200 jeans feel. But, it’s not me, it’s someone else. What will she go wild with? It would be very interesting to know.

I wish her well. The best of everything for the rest of her life. I hope she doesn’t allow people to use her and I hope she doesn’t become jaded. All the best for her! All the best!

Live

Love

Laugh

Til next time~ Jules

Thursday 5:00

Thursday 5:00 hit and I was 10 different kinds of excited. Vacation started. It was here. FINALLY!

For me, Thursday 5:00 is a celebration each week since I don’t have to be back to work until Monday; unless Monday is a holiday and then it’s Tuesday.

However, this Thursday 5:00 is so much sweeter then any of the others. We were actually leaving on vacation come Saturday!

Vacation. I do not have to be back to work for 11 whole days! Feels so damn good I can’t even begin to describe it. For me, vacation is actually me calling in a sick day. By doing this, I cheat myself out of good quality vacation days. But, it is the only way I can get off of work and not have to do anything around the house, it’s a win but lose kind of thing, but you do what you have to do. And then I lose valuable paid days off, I get a set amount per year and it never changes. Nope. I do not earn any extras nor am I rewarded with years of service by added days or weeks. What I had on my first day of hire is what I will always have. Win some lose some.

So, this Thursday 5:00 feels completely different then any other one I’ve had to date.

As we are driving south my thoughts are spinning round and round. THIS is life. This is what life is suppose to feel like. Like the wind whipping through my hair then slapping me in the face. Which makes me think of all the poor saps all around the world working to make life go on around me while I vacation. Poor souls. But, I thank you, someone has to work so us vacationers can enjoy life. My hat’s off to each of you.

It is strange though, enjoying every second of being free from the time clock and life that requires you to be a robot of sorts;just to sit and think of all those left behind who must adhere to that life for the moment. I don’t think about those things when I’m the one up 2 hours before everyone else so that their morning goes smoothly when I have to get them up. It is what it is and life as we know it will continue even if we are off to paradise for a week!

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7 Days

I did tell you that you were going to get sick of me. It is hard for me to hold myself accountable just by keeping track of everything, I mean who doesn’t lie about what they actually eat every now and then?

Today is Day 7 for me.

Day 7 of what you are asking yourself?

Well, Day 7 of this round of diet. Day 7 of Omni Drops. Day 7 of no coffee. Day 7 of no Diet Coke. Day 7 of NO SUGAR. Day 7 of no processed food. ( ok wait that is a lie…..I did cheat and had ONE WHOLE pepperoni on maybe Day 4) Day 7 of a very strict calorie and food intake. Day 7 of having not gone psycho on anyone due to all of the above.

This round started with me ” Loading” which meant for 2 days I could eat whatever I wanted. And did I ever. I stayed stuffed and happy about it. Even had cake. ( not really sure if that is what they meant by eat whatever and whenever I wanted) It wasn’t really good bakery style cake, it was Hostess of some sort. I had some Doritos, and I don’t even remember what else. These two days I did not keep track of food intake. I can tell you I had DIET COKE and wonderful coffee with wonderful hazelnut creamer. There is a purpose behind this madness, but I am not going into that.

Day 3 comes and BAM restricted diet. I can have 2 servings of fruit a day, 4 ounces of lean protein ( not all lean protein just approved lean protein I didn’t read that correctly on day 3!) twice a day; lunch and dinner, 4 ounces of approved veggies twice a day, two grains ( this is in the form of melba toast or wasa crackers NOT to be eaten at same meal). I am to drink 3/4- 1 gallon of water a day. I can have coffee and tea, however nothing added except stevia. Green tea will count towards water intake, but everything else counts against it. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, yours truly managed to screw it up on day 3 because I didn’t read all the fine print ( which really isn’t fine- I just skimmed through it and thought I was a pro already!) Thanks to an amazing friend that doesn’t mind I text her relentlessly with 900 questions, I got on track.

Day 3 was in fact the roughest day. After having loaded myself up with food over a 2 day period my brain thought that is how I needed to continue to eat. I did good. I did not stray. Every time I get to thinking I need to eat, I drink green tea. I made pancakes and bacon for the family one night for super and each time I went to lick my fingers I caught myself and rinsed them off! Good job right?

Surprisingly, it really hasn’t been that hard. I haven’t really been hungry. And, like I said each time I think I need to snack just to snack, I make a cup of hot green tea. I usually drink about half of it and decide I am done with that for now. I have several times stood with the refrigerator door wide open looking for something to jump up and say ” you can have me!” and so far the only time I caved was to that one pepperoni. Although, I really wanted some of my husbands pistachios last night. But, I did good, I took a bath and shaved my legs and other parts in preparation for our up coming beach trip! ( WHAT? get over it!)

Now, the good news; I am down 9 pounds in 7 days. Bad news, each and every time I get to 9 pounds lost I quit. I grab my fancy coffee and start to gain again. However, I have mad it UNDER a certain weight that I have not been under in a long while. It usually goes hand in hand, the 9 pounds and the weight on the scale usually are right there together. So here I am at 9 pounds lost and UNDER this weight holding my breath to see what tomorrow brings.

My expectation obviously is to lose weight, but I also hope to find a path to a better me. I know, that covers a lot. But, stick with me and we will see how this goes!

Dance in the rain my friends!!!!!

 

Prepping for Prep

Tomorrow is grocery day. ๐Ÿ™„

After going to the grocery store I will have to prep for the next week, or at least for my lunches. If I do not prep, I’ll eat anything I can throw in a bag and take to work with me. 

For some of you this prep process may be easy, but for me it is extremely time consuming. I did a great job for about 2 weeks when I tried to eat completely clean. Turns out I have to prep for prep. Healthy eating is very expensive. I have to figure out meals for the entire week and break those down then break it down farther into what I can actually afford and what I’ll really eat. ๐Ÿ™ That in itself should earn a person ” automatic calorie burn” points. Especially given I am not an organized person. Nope. Not one little bit. I make my list I always start it with ” Milk” and instead of following the store from that point I go to  razors, dog food, sour cream, cereal, chips, body wash….. you get the point. Even when I try to put my mind to grouping things together as they belong, I stand in the store and look at my list like ” WTF IS THIS SHIT?” My brain can’t comprehend it, so I’m loose in Hell Mart with a list I can’t follow and a shopping cart EARLY SATURDAY MORNING. Periodically I check the list to see if maybe I managed to be somewhere on track just to notice SHIT I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE DAIRY SECTION and since I’m back tracking remember the tea bags!!! I get half way back to the dairy section and get side tracked by the stand of pepperonis they have smack dab in the middle of nowhere so you damn near run over them. Get home no Mozzarella and nontea bags. Every week! 

Yet, I still do all this researching recipes and calories and fat and carbs and on and on to prep for prepping just to nlownit all out of the water . BUT I do have cute little pink and blue divided containers for my prepped meals. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ ( which I was informed I did not need!) ๐Ÿ˜”

Oh how I wish I could afford to pay someone to just prep for me. 

Changing the subject, I received lots of feedback on my post from yesterday. Thank you all. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one that struggles with the same issues. Sadly, today I have ate badly all day. It’s been one of those days. Bought me some Muddie Buddies and ate the whole bag. Yup. With a Diet Coke. Then I went and got my eyebrows waxed. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ 

I also received lots of advice, which I absolutely appreciate. It’s hard for me not to buy snacks and bring them in the house. Not because of me, but because this is what I hear :

” I thought you went to the store? What the hell did you buy because there’s nothing in this cabinet!”

” there’s nothing to eat!”

” Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean we have to starve!”

And the comments go on and on. So, I try to buy things I THINK I won’t eat. Strangely enough, when I am emotionally eating or blind eating as I am calling it, it doesn’t really matter if it’s my favorite or not. 

I must tell you, I kind of lied. As I try to work through this eating issue I have and eat healthy I will be on the Omni Drops in hopes of losing a few pounds to get things kicked into gear. I’m still not referring to it as a diet though. 

So, hope you still stick with me as I go through this day by day. 

I didn’t keep track of food today, as I started the day with awesome French toast and somewhere there in the middle I had a bag of Muddy Buddies I didn’t really want to know how many calories or carbs I took in!!!

I Quit Dieting…Tomorrow

Four and a half years ago I quit smoking. Cold turkey. There wasn’t anything easy about it.  That in itself is a whole other topic. However, it led to this one. 

Three months after quitting I had put on well over 20 pounds. Another month later and 10 more pounds. 

Since putting on all of those pounds I have tried every diet I could find. I spent way to much money on crazy fads, crazier promises and insanely crazy foods. A lot of those worked to take off a quick 10 pounds. One, which I actually stuck to for half a year took off 20 pounds. All have returned with a deep desire to not only hate me, but make me miserable. 

Mostly, I have become my own worse enemy. Whatever the crazy diet is for this week, I dive full force into. And I see results. I get so excited about those results, and I post them everywhere and tell everyone. ” hey got on the scales this week, another 3 pounds for a total of 9 pounds” whomever it is congratulates me and probably rolls their eyes because they are well over hearing my success story of losing the same 9 pounds for the last 2 years. Personally, I’m sick of hearing it too. Because here is what happens: I get so excited I’m down 9 pounds I think ” it’s ok it I have the chips and salsa and a jumbo margarita tonight, I deserve it and I’ll be right back on track tomorrow no big deal” guess what, it becomes a big deal. Those few chips and that margarita ALWAYS turn into more. That more then has me so disgusted with myself I eat more. Makes loads of sense doesn’t it? No. It doesn’t. But, that’s emotional eating. Add to that I have found I eat when I would have normally had a cigarette. This is eating that I have not made a conscious decision to do. ( I know, I’m beginning to border on insane here…. just hang with me)

The emotional eating I get. Everyone does it. Some get stuck in a vicious cycle of it. I think that’s probably a whole other topic as well. 

Eating in place of smoking. I never really noticed I was doing it. Until tonight. Got up to go to the bathroom when I was done I stopped at the cabinet and grabbed a cookie. As I was eating I asked myself why on the hell was I eating this cookie? I’m actually full so I’m not hungry. It’s not the best cookie ever made so I didn’t really crave it. Come to think about it this is not the first time tonight I’ve done this. Or the first time this week. I’ve done it over and over for, well ever it seems like. And this is food that doesn’t get entered into my daily log. Five years ago when I would have gotten up to go potty I’d have grabbed a cigarette and had a couple puffs. Talking on the phone is fine outside and smoked one or two or however many until I was finished. Now, I finish off the Doritos. After sex, no cigarette instead a Hostess cupcake, which are so much smaller then they use to be. 

 What do I do? No Diet is ever gonna work at this rate. Only thing keeping it at a 30 pound gain instead of a 100 pound gain is because I attempt to stay slightly active. 

My idea is to attempt to cure my addiction. It seems all I did was swap one addiction for the other. Personally, I’d rather be a skinny smoker. But, I’m really not interested in smoking again. So, just like I quit smoking I am going to quit dieting. 

I am going to document everything. Try to figure out what triggers what. How to work around the cravings and replace unhealthy foods with healthy ones. I’m going to do all of this right here on my blog for all the world to help me along. ( although no one ever reads or shares these, but at least in the back of my mind I think someone is…)

Since it’s way past my bedtime, tomorrow starts day 1. 

Please feel free to share these. Please comment with words of encouragement or advice, or tell me how stupid you think I am, at least then I know I am being heard. 

I hope I don’t lose my mind and cry like a baby …..

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