No, No, NO, You Got It All Wrong

Surely by now most of you know of the recording where some people hear Laurel and others hear Yanny. Personally, I heard Yanny.

That got me thinking. About song lyrics. I spent an hour searching and laughing so hard I was in tears.

I don’t know why my brain thought of song lyrics, it’s on its own track most days. First thing that came to my mind was “Wrapped up like a douche when you’re rover in the night” made me laugh and laugh. I can’t tell you how many millions of times both my husband and I belted that line out like we knew what the hell we were singing. I mean does that even make sense? No. Didn’t have to we had fun singing it. Actual lyrics are ” Blinded by the light revved up like a deuce another runner in the night” Makes about as much sense as what we were singing.

Then it made me think of ” I was Jack and you were dyingggggg” First time I heard that song I was thinking why in the hell is she dying?? Then I had to laugh at myself. I mean Duh. JCM’s Jack and Diane beat is clearly playing in the back ground so ” I was Jack and you were Diane” makes way more sense but go ahead listen to it and tell me you don’t hear him saying ” I was Jack and you were dyinggggg”

So, I got to googling. This is where the real laughter came in.

Apparently most people think Elton John wants Tony Danza to hold him closer ….. Hold me closer Tony Danza is actually ” Hold me closer Tiny Dancer” which I hear the correct lyrics in that song, one of my all time favorites except for the Tim McGraw version, not a fan of that one.

See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen which is actually ” See that girl watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen”

Now, if you aren’t singing these as we go along, just stop reading now and go somewhere else, you are no fun and probably not laughing either.

Sweet dreams are made of cheese ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

I am a big Queen fan. Love Freddie. And I am here to tell you some of his songs are out there in terms of the wording and the story line, not gonna lie I get most of them all wrong but this one had me rolling. Kicking your car all over the place we will we will… actual ( which makes just as much sense ) ” kicking your can all over the place..”

And……. I Like Big Butts in a Can of Limes!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

So, tell me your favorite misheard lyric.

โœŒ๐Ÿผ Jules

Sports Bra Dance

Whomever designed the original sports bra actually meant for it to be a torture device. It’s the most miserable thing to put on and even more miserable to attempt to take off, especially if you really did work out.

So this weekend I was trying to put mine on. ๐Ÿคจ You see I said ” trying”, right? First let me tell you about my Sports Bra. I got it from Victoria Secrets a couple of years ago. Yes, I said VS. No, I do not have itty bitty tittys that only need band aids. This is the absolute BEST one I have ever had. A HUGE selling point was it zips up the front! Another it comes in bra sizes and finally it actually holds my sisters in place! Very very little bounce! I love this bra.

BBUT, this weekend I was having major issues. I’m in our bedroom half naked trying over and over and over to get this damn thing zipped. I’ve pulled and I’ve pushed and I’ve stuffed like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve jiggled and wiggled and tried stuffing again. I’ve turned side ways and the other side ways and half way around and tried stuffing AGAIN! I’ve preformed a few off balanced moves and jiggled some more. The damn zipper just will not cooperate. Won’t budge. And I’m mad.

At this point my husband walks in. He says ” what in the hell are you doing?” ๐Ÿ˜ณ ” Well, I am trying to put this damn bra on and it refuses to zip!” So, he thinks he can help. ” let me try” he says. Sure why not at this point whatever works! He tries and tries and then says ” well stuff them in some more” So, I try to stuff. Which I have to tell you, that was not the problem but for some reason both of us thought if I SMASH them in, the zipper will work. I don’t know why this was part of our thought process but it was. When that didn’t work he says ” well you are just going to have to take it off zip it up and then put it on” To which I said ” are you crazy? The whole reason I bought this was so I didn’t HAVE to put this on over my head!” He tells me I need to just buy a new one. Sure that’s a great idea but that doesn’t help me NOW! He then asks ” well are you going to work out NOW?” ” No, I’m not going to work out NOW” he then asks ” well why are you putting it on?” ” because I’m going out to work in the yard and I want to wear this ( holding up a cool clearance find at the Nike outlet – a tankish kind of top) and I can’t wear my regular bra with it that would look dumb” he said a few choice cuss words then said ” ok I’m going to hold this together and you pull” ๐Ÿ˜ฌ GOT IT! WooHoo! WooHoo! Team effort to get the sports bra on! His parting words to me were ” you’re something else” ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜˜

Yes, yes I am and he wouldn’t trade me or my Sports Bra Dance for anything else……. I don’t think !

โœŒ๐Ÿผ Julesb6a81c34c848b09c79697df3d2cee22c

I Got Loopy

We aren’t ones that go out on the town and cut loose. Or, I suppose I should say we don’t do it very often. I am a people person. My husband is not. I’m happy to mingle and socialize or even just stand back and observe. Oh how I LOVE to people watch! My husband would rather tv watch. I am more comfortable dressed up, which to me is anything that is not scrubs, jeans, sweats or sneakers. My husband is Levi’s and sneakers.

I could go on and on about how opposite we are, but I’ll save that for a different post.

Before I get to what I really want to tell you about, I need to give you some of our back story. We have been married for almost 21 years. I come from a family full of alcoholics and drug addicts. MOST are clean and have been for many years. Because I grew up smack dab in the middle of crazy insane full blown partying at every family get together, I put myself up on this pedal stool because I was going to be better then them. Shew. I’ll tell you, all these years later it breaks my heart to say that. Now my husband, totally opposite upbringing. His dad was a cop in LA way back in the 70’s. My husband is straight out of Compton before Compton was gang territory ( or so I’m told) His parents loaded up the family and moved all the way over here to good ol Indiana because his dad seen the changes coming. So, Southern Cali surfer dude transplanted to the corn fields of the Midwest. Snooty. As time passes and so does life, my husband becomes a drug addict. Yup. I fell off that pedal stool so hard. But, where I was going with all of that, before I ever fell I refused to drink. I knew. I felt it in my blood. I wouldn’t allow myself to drink scared I wouldn’t quit. No I never became an alcoholic or drug addict. My husband and I had been married for nearly 8 maybe 9 years and he had never known me to drink so we had a New Years Eve Party and I drank and drank and drank ๐Ÿคฎ was not pretty. Crazy I tell you. So, here we are years later and let me tell you I love margaritas and I love tequila! He did all his crazy shit while I was raising our kids I think he’s ready to be an old man now. Me, I’ve raised my kids now I want to be carefree and crazy!!! ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

Last October we went to Nashville for our 20th wedding anniversary. His brother and his wife surprised us at Sambucas ( which if you are ever in Nashville make a reservation and have dinner there OMG its insanely delicious!!) After dinner they took us over to Broadway, I was mesmerized. We live in a very small rural farm town on a river this is something I had never experienced. WoW!!! LOVED every bar we went into, every thing we saw, I was so in awe of everything and wandered why in the hell no one ever told me about this place. We made our way to Nudies Honky Talk were we propped ourselves up on a stool on the second floor balcony got more drunk and people watched. There was a bachelor and his party having the time of their life down on the dance floor, next thing you know there I was right in the middle dancing away and so was my sister in law. SO.MUCH.FUN. Our husbands drug us out of there 30 minutes before last call. Jerks. We found a corner hot dog vendor and ended our night with a dog and an Uber ride. The next night we had tickets to Kid Rocks Fish Fry , I love Kid like no other but 1. it’s not really a fish fry and 2. He ain’t got nothing on Nudies. I couldn’t talk my husband into a shirt from Nudies and I was broke after bar #2 so no shirt.

Fast forward to April 13 of this year and back to Nashville with same brother and SIL along with my husbands 2 sisters and their spouses. They all stayed at a fancy Marriott ( I wanted lots of tequila and a T-shirt from Nudies so we got a hotel over by the shell mart๐Ÿ˜ฌ) TWO nights of downtown Nashville! Both nights ending up at Nudies Honky Tonk. I am telling you I love that bar!!! If that bar was in say Key West I would just pack up and move now. Love it. We had the best time. What I need is a job that pays me to travel and go to these places!!! โค๏ธโค๏ธ I cant talk him into going all the time like I’d love to. Seems now that most all of the kids are grown ( youngest just turning 13 next month the rest are all adults) he’s out frown letting his ambitions fly to the wind. I get it, do not want anything to ever mess with his sobriety, I just want to live a little before I die. So, all of this I am telling you is because I also wanted to tell you I got me a damn Nudies shirt that night. Yup. I wasn’t leaving until I got one. We compromised I wanted a T-shirt he said it had to be a tank ( and yet again I spent all my cash on tequila shots) I knew what his thinking was ” let her get a tank she will never wear it out of the house” ( I try to be respectable looking most of the time so I don’t let body parts hang out at Wal Mart) I got the tank- a red tank. And damn it if winter didn’t hang around here forever and 9 full moons! Left work tonight at 5:30 put the top down on my car came home and do you know what I put on???? Hell Yeah I did!!

Itโ€™s Just A Bitch

I’ll just cut straight to it, I’m pushing 50 just as hard as I’m pulling 45. And I’m telling you it’s a bitch. Most all of it is, bit today Auntie Flow is one hell of a bitch. I hate her.

First, I’ve worked my ass off over the last month since her last visit. Not lying one bit. I’ve been rowing that damn rower tracking my food weighing in every damn day so excited to see the damn scale move .001 of a pound every morning. And OMG I’m so ducking excited ……. wait!!!!! Who the hell says ” ducking”???!! Nobody but this stupid piece of shot …… you are seriously killing me!! So FUCKING excited to FINALLY be down 12 pounds . Yup. Then SLAM straight into hell. Woke up knowing I’d be down another .02 I mean I had nothing but green smoothies yesterday just to show that scale who’s the real bitch around here. ๐Ÿคจ 6 pounds. GAINED!! Fingers so damn swollen can’t zip my pants. Feet so swollen can’t get my shoes on. I’ve been doing this for 30 damn years I’m over this shit! OVER IT!!!

But, apparently you just can’t say you’re over it and be over it. So here I am in the middle of the damn night with cramps from hell, a throbbing head ache 4 ginormous pads stuck one on top of the other trying to keep from eating an entire box of Hostess Suzy Q’s ( because it takes 2 to equal the size of what 1 use to be!) and scrolling through tunes crying one minute, pissed off the next and ready to head bang at the next one. It’s a slippery slope of downward spirals. I swear if I didn’t have to work tomorrow I’d already have downed the bottle of expensive margarita my sister in law gave me. ( which I’m saving for a special day)

Tomorrow is most certainly going to suck. Why? Because I am STARVING for chocolate, it’s damn near 11:00 at night; like 2 hours past my bedtime and I have to be at work at 7:00 AM!!!

Why on earth am I not rich and famous? Oh hell just rich. Why on earth am I not on my yacht off some beautiful tropical island roasting some insane toast with Kid Rock??! Never mind Kid Rock, he surely has cooties. Just me and my husband being insanely rich on our yacht off of a beautiful tropical island?!!

There ya have it . It’s a Bitch. All of it.

Carry On!

Jules

No One Told Me

Do you remember high school and wishing it was over? Do you remember your mom telling you not to wish your days away because once you graduate time flies so fast? I remember, I didn’t believe her though.

One day I was 18, very shortly there after I was 28, then 38 sometime this year I’ll be 48. And do you know what I’m still doing? Wishing the days away. Then I’m mad because time is flying by so damn fast. Truth of it is, I’m wishing the days away when I’m at work.

Just last weekend my husbands siblings and spouses all got together in Nashville TN for a weekend of adulting. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to come back to have to go to work. I swear if I could live in Nudies Honky Tonk on Broadway I would, I love that bar. But I can’t. Real life adulting for us is working until we are so tired we can’t really enjoy life.

Truth is I want to be on a beach all day. Everyday. Somewhere tropical all the time. I hate winter and every other season, I just want tropical. I mean there has to be a job I can do from my hammock over looking a beautiful sandy escape with a back drop of an emerald ocean.

For the love of enjoying life NO ONE TOLD ME I’d have to work insanely hard just to survive. No one told me being an adult could just suck the life out of you. This is not how it is suppose to be. But, no one told there were options. No one told me to save save save and invest so I could retire at 50. In high school they gave us some sort of test to give us an idea of what we would be good as in terms of a career. I think I got Gardner, which is so funny today. Most of us grow up to work in a factory or on the coal mines around here. No one told me storm chasing or ghost hunting was an option, or reviewing posh restaurants on sandy beaches. I could so do that, I love to eat and I love the beach. No one told me.

I can not figure out how some people set a course when they were 15 to get through high school to college and on to a successful career and it stuck! I mean at 15 I was in tears if o was out of Aqua Net I sure couldn’t see 20 years down the road. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up! Whatever that is that those people have, I seriously lacked. And today here I sit dying to enjoy adulthood. Wanting so much for us to be able to just go and do and not have to think about how it will affect the budget.

So, if you’re reading this and your under 21, now you know. Start saving now! Sacrifices whatever you have to do you can be wild and care free later in life. I promise you it is so worth it.

If your reading this and you just so happen to need a family to live in and take care of your mansion on a beautiful island so your soon to be 7th ex wife doesn’t get it, email me, let’s talk terms!

Not Me

By now we all know that a woman from Massachusetts won a huge amount of money. We all know her name, her age and many more things about her. Sadly, I have to inform you it was not me. I did buy two tickets. I knew it wasn’t going to be me so there was no way I was going to go broke trying to appease the lottery Gods.

On that Thursday morning after the drawing I saw all these posts popping up on social media. They were of her coming out of the lottery office for the first time after coming forward. People were being down right horrible in their comments. Just bashing her about her chewing her gum. Could you imagine? I mean you find out you are the sole winner of an insane amount of money, I imagine there is a moment of complete shock. Kind of like ” SHUT UP! ” with your jaw dropped and you feel like you can’t catch your breath kind of moment. I would think I’d sit down and just cry. I would cry like I have not ever cried before and I would let it all go, everything cause damn it I can go buy myself a good bra now!!! So you get all your shit together take it all in and you go to the Powerball office. Not thinking this is a big deal for anyone other then you. You are sitting in the office filling out whatever they have for you to fill out and someone mentions the media is there. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ” What? Wait? Who?…….. oh hell no, I’m not going out there. Shit. Are you serious? Can’t I just climb out that window? This is no one else’s business but my own I’m not going on tv!!! You have got to be kidding me! Ok I need a cigarette. What the hell do you mean no smoking inside??? You people are pissing me off. I can’t go out there. Ok. I can do this. Does someone have some gum?” I mean come on think about? I haven’t smoked for 5 years but I’d want a cigarette. I mean this kind of thing doesn’t happen to normal people. It does not happen to me. And now that it has I have to go out and smile in front of media? Oh damn it. I’d chomp that gum like the new multi millionaire I am and talk all your smack cause guess what, yup you aren’t getting a dime of it. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ That’s right. OWN IT GIRL!!

What happens next? The rest of us will continue to dream knowing we won’t ever get to retire because we skipped class on the day they were teaching planning for your future. And this woman, man how exciting! I’d love to be on her first real shopping trip with her. Will she let loose and buy those $200 jeans and $500 boots because she can? Or will she still be like ” but they are just jeans who in the hell spends $200 on jeans? Not this girl I don’t care how much money I have!” See, I love shoes and purses and cars ๐Ÿ˜Š That being said I’m not sure even if I did spend $500 on a pair of shoes I’d have it in my heart to wear them OUTSIDE! Although I’d love to know how those shoes feel or how $200 jeans feel. But, it’s not me, it’s someone else. What will she go wild with? It would be very interesting to know.

I wish her well. The best of everything for the rest of her life. I hope she doesn’t allow people to use her and I hope she doesn’t become jaded. All the best for her! All the best!

Live

Love

Laugh

Til next time~ Jules

Thursday 5:00

Thursday 5:00 hit and I was 10 different kinds of excited. Vacation started. It was here. FINALLY!

For me, Thursday 5:00 is a celebration each week since I don’t have to be back to work until Monday; unless Monday is a holiday and then it’s Tuesday.

However, this Thursday 5:00 is so much sweeter then any of the others. We were actually leaving on vacation come Saturday!

Vacation. I do not have to be back to work for 11 whole days! Feels so damn good I can’t even begin to describe it. For me, vacation is actually me calling in a sick day. By doing this, I cheat myself out of good quality vacation days. But, it is the only way I can get off of work and not have to do anything around the house, it’s a win but lose kind of thing, but you do what you have to do. And then I lose valuable paid days off, I get a set amount per year and it never changes. Nope. I do not earn any extras nor am I rewarded with years of service by added days or weeks. What I had on my first day of hire is what I will always have. Win some lose some.

So, this Thursday 5:00 feels completely different then any other one I’ve had to date.

As we are driving south my thoughts are spinning round and round. THIS is life. This is what life is suppose to feel like. Like the wind whipping through my hair then slapping me in the face. Which makes me think of all the poor saps all around the world working to make life go on around me while I vacation. Poor souls. But, I thank you, someone has to work so us vacationers can enjoy life. My hat’s off to each of you.

It is strange though, enjoying every second of being free from the time clock and life that requires you to be a robot of sorts;just to sit and think of all those left behind who must adhere to that life for the moment. I don’t think about those things when I’m the one up 2 hours before everyone else so that their morning goes smoothly when I have to get them up. It is what it is and life as we know it will continue even if we are off to paradise for a week!

โœŒ๐Ÿผ Enjoy LifeโœŒ๐ŸผIMG_5740.JPG

7 Days

I did tell you that you were going to get sick of me. It is hard for me to hold myself accountable just by keeping track of everything, I mean who doesn’t lie about what they actually eat every now and then?

Today is Day 7 for me.

Day 7 of what you are asking yourself?

Well, Day 7 of this round of diet. Day 7 of Omni Drops. Day 7 of no coffee. Day 7 of no Diet Coke. Day 7 of NO SUGAR. Day 7 of no processed food. ( ok wait that is a lie…..I did cheat and had ONE WHOLE pepperoni on maybe Day 4) Day 7 of a very strict calorie and food intake. Day 7 of having not gone psycho on anyone due to all of the above.

This round started with me ” Loading” which meant for 2 days I could eat whatever I wanted. And did I ever. I stayed stuffed and happy about it. Even had cake. ( not really sure if that is what they meant by eat whatever and whenever I wanted) It wasn’t really good bakery style cake, it was Hostess of some sort. I had some Doritos, and I don’t even remember what else. These two days I did not keep track of food intake. I can tell you I had DIET COKE and wonderful coffee with wonderful hazelnut creamer. There is a purpose behind this madness, but I am not going into that.

Day 3 comes and BAM restricted diet. I can have 2 servings of fruit a day, 4 ounces of lean protein ( not all lean protein just approved lean protein I didn’t read that correctly on day 3!) twice a day; lunch and dinner, 4 ounces of approved veggies twice a day, two grains ( this is in the form of melba toast or wasa crackers NOT to be eaten at same meal). I am to drink 3/4- 1 gallon of water a day. I can have coffee and tea, however nothing added except stevia. Green tea will count towards water intake, but everything else counts against it. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, yours truly managed to screw it up on day 3 because I didn’t read all the fine print ( which really isn’t fine- I just skimmed through it and thought I was a pro already!) Thanks to an amazing friend that doesn’t mind I text her relentlessly with 900 questions, I got on track.

Day 3 was in fact the roughest day. After having loaded myself up with food over a 2 day period my brain thought that is how I needed to continue to eat. I did good. I did not stray. Every time I get to thinking I need to eat, I drink green tea. I made pancakes and bacon for the family one night for super and each time I went to lick my fingers I caught myself and rinsed them off! Good job right?

Surprisingly, it really hasn’t been that hard. I haven’t really been hungry. And, like I said each time I think I need to snack just to snack, I make a cup of hot green tea. I usually drink about half of it and decide I am done with that for now. I have several times stood with the refrigerator door wide open looking for something to jump up and say ” you can have me!” and so far the only time I caved was to that one pepperoni. Although, I really wanted some of my husbands pistachios last night. But, I did good, I took a bath and shaved my legs and other parts in preparation for our up coming beach trip! ( WHAT? get over it!)

Now, the good news; I am down 9 pounds in 7 days. Bad news, each and every time I get to 9 pounds lost I quit. I grab my fancy coffee and start to gain again. However, I have mad it UNDER a certain weight that I have not been under in a long while. It usually goes hand in hand, the 9 pounds and the weight on the scale usually are right there together. So here I am at 9 pounds lost and UNDER this weight holding my breath to see what tomorrow brings.

My expectation obviously is to lose weight, but I also hope to find a path to a better me. I know, that covers a lot. But, stick with me and we will see how this goes!

Dance in the rain my friends!!!!!

 

Prepping for Prep

Tomorrow is grocery day. ๐Ÿ™„

After going to the grocery store I will have to prep for the next week, or at least for my lunches. If I do not prep, I’ll eat anything I can throw in a bag and take to work with me. 

For some of you this prep process may be easy, but for me it is extremely time consuming. I did a great job for about 2 weeks when I tried to eat completely clean. Turns out I have to prep for prep. Healthy eating is very expensive. I have to figure out meals for the entire week and break those down then break it down farther into what I can actually afford and what I’ll really eat. ๐Ÿ™ That in itself should earn a person ” automatic calorie burn” points. Especially given I am not an organized person. Nope. Not one little bit. I make my list I always start it with ” Milk” and instead of following the store from that point I go to  razors, dog food, sour cream, cereal, chips, body wash….. you get the point. Even when I try to put my mind to grouping things together as they belong, I stand in the store and look at my list like ” WTF IS THIS SHIT?” My brain can’t comprehend it, so I’m loose in Hell Mart with a list I can’t follow and a shopping cart EARLY SATURDAY MORNING. Periodically I check the list to see if maybe I managed to be somewhere on track just to notice SHIT I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE DAIRY SECTION and since I’m back tracking remember the tea bags!!! I get half way back to the dairy section and get side tracked by the stand of pepperonis they have smack dab in the middle of nowhere so you damn near run over them. Get home no Mozzarella and nontea bags. Every week! 

Yet, I still do all this researching recipes and calories and fat and carbs and on and on to prep for prepping just to nlownit all out of the water . BUT I do have cute little pink and blue divided containers for my prepped meals. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ ( which I was informed I did not need!) ๐Ÿ˜”

Oh how I wish I could afford to pay someone to just prep for me. 

Changing the subject, I received lots of feedback on my post from yesterday. Thank you all. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one that struggles with the same issues. Sadly, today I have ate badly all day. It’s been one of those days. Bought me some Muddie Buddies and ate the whole bag. Yup. With a Diet Coke. Then I went and got my eyebrows waxed. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ 

I also received lots of advice, which I absolutely appreciate. It’s hard for me not to buy snacks and bring them in the house. Not because of me, but because this is what I hear :

” I thought you went to the store? What the hell did you buy because there’s nothing in this cabinet!”

” there’s nothing to eat!”

” Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean we have to starve!”

And the comments go on and on. So, I try to buy things I THINK I won’t eat. Strangely enough, when I am emotionally eating or blind eating as I am calling it, it doesn’t really matter if it’s my favorite or not. 

I must tell you, I kind of lied. As I try to work through this eating issue I have and eat healthy I will be on the Omni Drops in hopes of losing a few pounds to get things kicked into gear. I’m still not referring to it as a diet though. 

So, hope you still stick with me as I go through this day by day. 

I didn’t keep track of food today, as I started the day with awesome French toast and somewhere there in the middle I had a bag of Muddy Buddies I didn’t really want to know how many calories or carbs I took in!!!

I Quit Dieting…Tomorrow

Four and a half years ago I quit smoking. Cold turkey. There wasn’t anything easy about it.  That in itself is a whole other topic. However, it led to this one. 

Three months after quitting I had put on well over 20 pounds. Another month later and 10 more pounds. 

Since putting on all of those pounds I have tried every diet I could find. I spent way to much money on crazy fads, crazier promises and insanely crazy foods. A lot of those worked to take off a quick 10 pounds. One, which I actually stuck to for half a year took off 20 pounds. All have returned with a deep desire to not only hate me, but make me miserable. 

Mostly, I have become my own worse enemy. Whatever the crazy diet is for this week, I dive full force into. And I see results. I get so excited about those results, and I post them everywhere and tell everyone. ” hey got on the scales this week, another 3 pounds for a total of 9 pounds” whomever it is congratulates me and probably rolls their eyes because they are well over hearing my success story of losing the same 9 pounds for the last 2 years. Personally, I’m sick of hearing it too. Because here is what happens: I get so excited I’m down 9 pounds I think ” it’s ok it I have the chips and salsa and a jumbo margarita tonight, I deserve it and I’ll be right back on track tomorrow no big deal” guess what, it becomes a big deal. Those few chips and that margarita ALWAYS turn into more. That more then has me so disgusted with myself I eat more. Makes loads of sense doesn’t it? No. It doesn’t. But, that’s emotional eating. Add to that I have found I eat when I would have normally had a cigarette. This is eating that I have not made a conscious decision to do. ( I know, I’m beginning to border on insane here…. just hang with me)

The emotional eating I get. Everyone does it. Some get stuck in a vicious cycle of it. I think that’s probably a whole other topic as well. 

Eating in place of smoking. I never really noticed I was doing it. Until tonight. Got up to go to the bathroom when I was done I stopped at the cabinet and grabbed a cookie. As I was eating I asked myself why on the hell was I eating this cookie? I’m actually full so I’m not hungry. It’s not the best cookie ever made so I didn’t really crave it. Come to think about it this is not the first time tonight I’ve done this. Or the first time this week. I’ve done it over and over for, well ever it seems like. And this is food that doesn’t get entered into my daily log. Five years ago when I would have gotten up to go potty I’d have grabbed a cigarette and had a couple puffs. Talking on the phone is fine outside and smoked one or two or however many until I was finished. Now, I finish off the Doritos. After sex, no cigarette instead a Hostess cupcake, which are so much smaller then they use to be. 

 What do I do? No Diet is ever gonna work at this rate. Only thing keeping it at a 30 pound gain instead of a 100 pound gain is because I attempt to stay slightly active. 

My idea is to attempt to cure my addiction. It seems all I did was swap one addiction for the other. Personally, I’d rather be a skinny smoker. But, I’m really not interested in smoking again. So, just like I quit smoking I am going to quit dieting. 

I am going to document everything. Try to figure out what triggers what. How to work around the cravings and replace unhealthy foods with healthy ones. I’m going to do all of this right here on my blog for all the world to help me along. ( although no one ever reads or shares these, but at least in the back of my mind I think someone is…)

Since it’s way past my bedtime, tomorrow starts day 1. 

Please feel free to share these. Please comment with words of encouragement or advice, or tell me how stupid you think I am, at least then I know I am being heard. 

I hope I don’t lose my mind and cry like a baby …..

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