BIG HAIRY WEAVE!

     You may wanna buckle up for this one. This “happened” from one of those blonde meets attention span impaired slammed into I was so doing something else!
     See, that alone probably made you want to sit down. Unfortunately, it’s true.
     I had 7 different things on my mind, I was trying to get my husbands lunch ready for him to take to work, plus I was trying to remember that cool song I heard on the way home from work. My plans were to mow, and I was getting rather aggrevated I hadn’t made it outside yet. My sister in law text me about then, asked if I had heard “Redeemed” by …….oh man * shakes my head* Big Daddy Weave, man I hope that is right. I told her no, but I’d look it up was also going to look up that boating song as well. She replied with “Pontoon”, hmpf!
So, quickly, before I totally forgot, I looked them both up, downloaded them, then went about what I was doing.
     Finally, I made it to mowing.
     I’ll skip straight to Redeemed, it comes on and I started crying. Simply put, it moved me. I stopped the mower, text my sister in law, now I can not remember the exact text itself, but it was something to the effect that I LOVED that Redeemed song by Big Hairy Weave! I tried to remember who she had said, I really really did. All I could remember was Big and Weave…..well who would have thought Daddy fit in between those two words?!? Only word that made sense to me was Hairy…..hence Big Hairy Weave!
     Now that is how Big Hairy Weave was born. I want you to understand, I had already visualized Big Hairy Weave. This really is nowhere close to the exact visualization :

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But then, neither was what I saw in his video!
     About 2 weeks later, I am sitting in church and someone got up on stage with their guitar and busted out playing Redeemed. Thank goodness I was sitting in the back, I nearly lost it……he didn’t look like Big Hairy Weave either.
     Finally, being the good sister in law she is, broke it down to me. Big……cause he’s a big guy, Daddy…….cause he’s a dad, Weave……hmpf, apparently his last name is Weaver!
     He will forever be Big Hairy Weave to us, we may even have to send him one of those hats with the dreads sewn in!

To Repair What Was Broken

   
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  If you know me, truely know me, or are following my blogs; which it seems no one actually is, then you know the beginning of 2012 became a turning point in my life.
     To completely understand all of this you will need to read some of my blogs from earlier in the year.
     What I will tell you is there came a moment when I decided not only to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior, but I knew it was time to repair the realtionship I had broken with both our Lord and our Father.
     In 1993 I had made my way to the altar and I asked for forgiveness. I was saved. I was 22. I tried to read the Bible and to be honoest I was so confused. I had questions upon questions upon questions. So I turned to family members for answers. I was told exactly this, ” Julie, you are overthinking this. You have to trust the word and believe in the word” which quite frankly, left me more then confused how could I trust and believe when I didn’t have the slightest clue as to what the words were saying. I gave up.
     I spent the next 18 years bitter and angry. I would tell people “oh God and I have a relationship alright, we agree to disagree”. WOW! How completely ignorant that sounds now.
     In that moment back at the beginning of this year when I was on my knees letting it all out and asking once again for His forgiveness, I made a promise to myself and to God, I would not be deterred from rebuilding what I had broken.
     I spent months seeking out any and all information I could find to help me understand everything I could. From the writings of the Bible, to what being a Christian really is.
I bought a Bible Dictionary that is truely amazing. I have sought out historical information, you name it. I was thirsty, thirsty to know Him.
     In these beginning stages I was “called” to a church. I use the word called because I didn’t feel like this is where I belonged. But, a dear friend did and she was struggling. I walked with her until the day of her Baptizim. Then I found my church family, where I belong. With amazing people to help me along my journey.
     And a journey it is. In terms of my walk with God, I am still a toddler learning to maintain my balance. Some days are easy, others I stumble quite a bit. Yet, with each stumble, I am learning something new and amazing, as well as building my relationship with God.
     There are days I still feel so alone and sometimes abandoned. Not by God. I feel Him holding my hand or carrying my heavy heart. You see, I feel abandoned by my earthly friends. My chosen sisters. Those who I love and adore and have forever. I don’t tell you this so feel sympathy for me. None is needed. Things happen in life, which being human we allow the emotional aspect of those things or situations to completely take us over. My love for these friends has never wavered. But I can’t allow their choice of going with their feelings of the moment to interfer with my new journey. Those days my feelings of loss and saddness take over, I know without a doubt my Lord and Savior is carrying me through.
     July 1rst my Mother & I were baptized, along with 2 amazing people within our church family. I will tell you, I was scared to death. Will I drown? Will I meet Gods expectations? Will I fall? So many things went through my heart, my soul and my mind. For me, my baptizm was an offering of sorts to God that I have every intention of keeping my promise.
     I am still learning and eagerly yearning for more knowledge. Excited in my growth process. And I am not one bit ashamed to tell you I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the sacrifes both he and our Father have made and continue to make so that I can grow in His likeness and follow the path he has planned for me. I still haven’t seen what that path is, but I know with patience and commitment someday it will be revealed. And oh what a glorious day that will be. Because I have no doubt with Jesus Christ beside me I will have the strength and knowledge to walk that path just as He has planned for me.
     For now, I am happy with who I am. Confident in the rebuilding my relationship with God. And I have faith in Him and all he carries me through.
     May God bless you in all things you do!
     Much love to each and everyone of you!

I Don’t Wanna Be A Grown Up!

     These days, I often forget most everything. It’s disheartening to say the least, that I have forgotten how to be a kid. Ironically, I did not forget all those thousands maybe millions of times I wished so badly to be a grown up! Now that right there is a prime example of ” becareful what you wish for!
     There are days I almost cringe when I hear ” MOM! ” my response after the 10 billionth time of hearing that word is….in the most dramatically sarcastic loud voice I can muster….. ” WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? ” Which then brings on a cry. Now comes the very skilled and hereditary sigh puff with the roll of the eyes and I’m off to hug and kiss and baby. This, is a typical day, not the occassional burst of exhausted hormonal mom versus kid breakdown.
     My questions are:
1. Who lied about castles? ( I wouldn’t have a castle now if it was given to me free and clear….cause I’m NOT cleaning 20,000 sq feet of anything!)
2. Where is the dang butler? ( I get so tired of people knocking on the doors, and we have 4 doors, so then I have to figure out which door they are knocking on while they knock harder and louder because its taking me so long!)
3. Who said I was the maid? ( I know for a fact no one told me this was part of being an adult. Why did I do all those chores growing up, I thought Moms just took naps!)
4. Where are the tickets for all those exotic vacations? ( isn’t that what parents are suppose to do……party all weekend long at fancy resorts while their kids sit at grandma and grandpas all weekend and sometimes a few extra days? I mean why else did my parents ship me there all the time?)
5. What are spa’s? ( this at my house is defined by a 2 minute hot shower, followed by 4 minutes of a cold blast topped off with beating the body wash bottle on my leg to get the last bit out followed by a quick “throw on” of the closest lotion that can be found before someone comes bursting in with the MOM scream. Just so the next day I can wander where on earth that bruise on my leg came from!)
     In all seriousness, there are times I think to myself ” I just wanna go home!” Or ” MOM! Oh, wait where’s the phone….cause she DOESN’T LIVE HERE!”. I get tired of trying to think of what’s for supper. If I pass the trash can and its not been taken out, yes I just smash it down! I throw all the socks in a basket even though I know I’m gonna hear ” I need socks” or “I can’t find any socks!”. I stack laundry on the dryer even though I know they won’t grab it on their way thru, which means when they go digging thru it everything ends up on the floor just to have to be washed again. I close the kids bedroom doors so I don’t have to see it. When I clean the fridge out I put the pans on the floor for the dogs. These are just a few of my “I just can’t want to do it’s”
     Free time? I have no idea what that is. I go to work not just for the paycheck, but to get out of the house!
     Girls day/night? Please explain, in detailed hick terms…..cause if Momma goes so does daughter! Which may explain why friends don’t even call or text to say hey! How are you? Miss you!
     Fun? Does riding the mower across the street for gas count?
     I don’t wanna be a grown up! I take back all those wishes and pleads.
     Instead, I wanna jump off the back of a pontoon on a Tuesday. Go Jeepin on a Thursday. Race the motorized carts at Wal Mart on Mondays. Go muddin on a 4 wheeler on Fridays. Sleep til 3 or 4 on Saturday, after I woke up to watch an hour of cartoons at 8. Go to church on Sunday followed by some down home family dinner, that someone else cooked and has to clean up. And occasionally, dance in the rain…..after running thru the mud puddles!
     Mom!Mom! Where are you?
     Til next time, go dance in a mud puddle!

Freedom of Speech????

     I have to apologize straight out of the box.

     I am so sick and tired of this whole Chick Fil~A issue.

     Someone really went off the deep end with all of this. And ultimately what has happened is free advertisement for an entire chain of restaraunts. Koodo’s to that!

     We do still live in America right? And as far as I know the government hasn’t completely dismantled our Constitution. As individuals,organizations,companies,and so on we have the freedom of speech. With that, it does not mean we all have to agree on everything said,written or recorded. Because we are allowed in this country to believe in what we choose to believe in.

     So why has this mans statement upset everyone? He simply stated his beliefs. The beliefs of his family. How does that make him wrong? Did he state he wished to see homosexuals burn?

     If it weren’t for the freedoms we have as Americans would anyone be able to speak out or up on any subject?

     Let me ask this, do you read your Bible?

     I will admit, I am a new Christian. And I stumble everyday. Try as I might, I am not perfect. And I don’t strive to be. I focus each day on my love for Christ, and how I can walk my path with Christ for Christ. And in my daily walk, I learn new things with each step. Amazing things. Love fills my heart, not just for Christ, and not just for my family, but also for Gods people….all of them. One of the hardest things for me to first wrap my mind and then my heart around was “dislike the sin, love the sinner”…..”forgive those who have sinned against you”. Now those two were hard, so very hard. But, once I got it, I mean really got it. My heart opened up like I never thought it would or could!

     2Kings 17:27-29 , I’ll let you look that up, but basic break down is this: Many people claim to believe in God while refusing to give up the things God denounces. You can’t edit God to fit into your way of thinking. He must come first!

     Romans 12: 9-10 ” Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection,and take delight in honoring each other.”

     Romans 2:1-3 ” you may think you can condemn such people,but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Since you jus0dge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid Gods judgement when you do the same thing”

     These scriptures are meant as points of reference. Love one another regardless of anything. Love! Judge no one, for you too shall be judged.

     I personally have no opinion good or bad, politically correct or incorrect towards this chain of restaraunts, their owners/operators,employees or customers. I can’t even tell you if their chicken is good or bad. This blog is simply my opinion on the over publicized craze from a statement made by an American Christian.

     Eat chicken there, don’t eat chicken there…..it’s a free country. But whatever you decide to do, love the person next to you, across from you…in the next town over, love all Gods people!

He stole my Psycho

Standing there at that moment in time, I had no idea what was happening. Had I been on the outside looking in, I never would have imagined any of it.
It was actually a very warm January night. Far warmer then January nights are suppose to be in Southwestern Indiana. I was truely at my whits end. I had set our house rules down so many times to my son. Grown son I must add. Time after time they were broken. Now, I feel I must add- I was rather passive in the enforcement of those rules, for awhile. I would casually mention “I know you feel your too old for a curfew, however I would really appreciate it if you were in by 12” to which he would respond with “ok Mom”. This went on for months.
Of course life itself was going on all around us, for us all, between us all and at times it seemed inspite of us all.
At some point, because of life going on, I noticed, no it was pointed out to me that my heart seemed hardened…actually I think cold was the word used. I blew it off, thinking about it for only a moment. Of course I came up with I’ve learned to be causios or I’ve learned to set boundaries. As far as I was concerned that was that.
In the mean time things with my son escaleted. My passiveness left completely and my psychoness emerged.
I knew what I was going to have to do, and I had known for some time. But I just could not bring myself to do it. My heart broke just at the thought of having to say the words.
Still, he pushed and he pushed and each time I fell. I always fell. That in itself is an entirely different story.
In my heart and with my soul, I knew what was going on, what the problem was and what was fueling it. No words had to be exchanged, a Mothers soul just knows. Yet, Momma couldn’t fix it. As a matter of fact the more psycho I became with my demands to follow the rules, the more fuel his demons added to the raging fire. I’m fairly sure what is going through your head right now, is not what was going on. My son had a broken soul attempting to consume his soul. And Momma was an obstacle.
The breaking point for me came that January night, technically it was a very early January morning. I was sure that morning would end with me either being carted out in handcuffs or a straight jacket.
As my heart and soul were pounding with rage and hurt, I headed to his bedroom door. Something stopped me. Stopped me dead in my march. I turned around and went to our bedroom, shut the door and stood there in the dark for about two seconds. Then I fell to my knees. There was no thought process, no “how do I do this?”. I just let it ALL out. The very first thing I said was ” Dear Lord please forgive me. I was so wrong. Please help me carry this, I can not do this by myself any longer!” I cried and prayed and cried and prayed. Not just for the struggles my son and I were going through, but for years of blaming God. Years of fighting God. Decades of asking why! And so much more. I can’t recall how long I prayed and cried. I can tell you I was on my knees until there were no more tears, until there was no more weight on my shoulders and my heart harbored no more anger, no more hurt, no more blame. I stood up feeling as if a ton had been lifted from my soul. I didn’t feel psycho, I felt love. I felt a hardened heart open as wide as the seas stretch the earth. My chains had been broken!
The next day I was able to sit down with my son and explain it was time for him to move out. Wow did it hurt, like an arrow straight through that newly opened heart! Thankfully, he understood and agreed.
He’s doing well today, despite having had to go through the unbearable pain of a broken heart. Which is something any parent hopes and prays their children never have to experience. Unfortunately, we have to allow them to live their own lives and experiences in order to learn lifes lessons. The worse part of being a parent is having to step back and allow them to do so.
That same day, I made my New Years Resolution. ( which you can read about in a previous blog post)
What has surprised me, is what I’ve learned, what I’ve experienced, what I’ve found and lost as a result of that night something stole my psychoness and led me to my knees.
The past six months has gone from a resolution to a revelation.
Until next time- May love fill your soul!

Bringing In The New, Sometimes Means Letting Go Of The Old

When 2012 arrived, I sat and thought what did I want to resolve this year? I had already declared exercising would not make the list, seeing as it’s on the list every year and that’s about as far as it makes it. That declaration led to ” I am so not going to diet either”.
Then it came to me, it was time. Time for me to let go of all the issues I thought God & I had, and ask Him to lead me to my path. This came to me thru a moment in time when I thought as a Mother I was either going to be carted out in a straight jacket or hand cuffs, because I was on the edge of a psycho mom moment to which had I not fell to my knees; I may have never returned.
Before I knew it, I had fallen to my knees, and everything I had kept pent-up and locked away in my heart, my soul and all the hidden spots in my mind came out. I didn’t realize I was sobbing so hard until the moment came when I could finally breath. I felt as if 3 tons had been lifted from my chest and my shoulders. It was truly an Amazing Grace.
This may sound strange, but with all of this, I didn’t have set in my mind or my heart to seek out religion as a whole. Instead, I was seeking a relationship, my relationship with God. I was someone who spent a lifetime blaming God, running from him, questioning Him. I took responsibility for nothing. And when things went wrong, sometimes way wrong, I stood and threw my hands up…..”what NOW!” And when I would get an answer, I argued. Because I knew what was right for me. Who was HE to say different. Needless to say, it was a very long and bumpy road. Along this path, I have been led to religion, to a church family, to church friends.
I am one who has to understand everything. Factor into that by understanding everything, really all I have done is interpreted things in a manner in which I think I understand it. This usually leads me straight into a tangled mess. However, with prayer and much-needed guidance and a Bible Dictionary I make it through.
My journey so far hasn’t always been easy, yet it’s not as hard as it was. Because now I walk with God holding my hand. This doesn’t mean I am perfect or that I won’t mess something up. It simply means, I’m a work in progress.