To Fly

Do you ever feel like your standing on the edge of earth but you can’t decide wether you should spread your wings and fly or just scream? This is how I have felt all summer.

There are days when I swear I can feel something out there trying to pull me in. I have no idea what or maybe who. It’s just this heavy knotted up something sitting just within my chest. Just sitting there heavy as can be and barely tugging. And it’s so exhausting. Trying to figure out what in the hell it means.

Then there are days I could just curl up in a ball and cry. Sleep and cry. All curled up. With my super thick blanket as my armor against whatever hell the world wants to throw at me that day.

Occasionally there are those days that just whirl by like the wind blew me in circles leaving me dazed and confused.

Not all days are bad or sideways. There are days of happiness, joy and laughter ribboned and twisted throughout all the others.

And still I come back to days of standing on the edge of the earth. I find myself more and more asking all the what’s and why’s of life. Sometimes I think I am really in this world all alone, it’s spinning and spinning and everyone else took the leap, and are now soaring to new heights. And here I stand. Trying to make sense of it all. Wandering. Dreaming. Wishing. But never able to fly.

It’s scary.

The days only seem to go by faster, never slowing down. Never allowing time to take a breath and re center ones self. Constantly in motion. So I stand and scream. And no one listens.

Manuals for the Living

My brain sometimes thinks sideways and upside down, and as crazy as it may sound backwards periodically. Most generally, my husband and I have completely opposite views. His is more in a straight tidy well organized line, with labels and tabs and an index Incase you get lost. Baffles my mind to bits. My line zig zags circles around and around comes back this way then back that way, you get the idea, and I guarantee you I drive him insane. I think he is so hard to read and figure out and that I am an open book, he sees it the other way around.

So, my mind gets to wandering. What if we all came with a manual when we were born. What if. Let’s say that manual covered absolutely everything about you and your life. In general terms. This manual covers everything from how you were going to be birthed to how you were going to die and everything in between. Again, in generalizations, like you would reach the height of 5’2 before you reach adulthood, but will shrink to the height of 4’8 before your death. With no specifics such as you will reach 5’2 in the 5th grade and appear to be an Amazon woman towering above all your classmates, however; they will all pass you up one day. And you will have 3.2 children before the age of 40 but no more specifics, especially what the heck the .2 is. You will be born in the back seat of a car ( which I was not) and you will die in the back seat of a car. No specifics again, just general information. You will obtain x amount of schooling. You get the idea. All generalized info. With some added things such as say, you will be deathly allergic to chocolate. Just enough information to not be enough information.

Would you want to have this manual for any reason? Would you want it to help you with the early years of being a new parent? If you did accept the manual to help you with the early years with your babies, would you want to pass the manual on to them as they got older, if so, when would you pass it on to them? If you made the decision to not pass it on to them, and they learn upon having their own child that there is such a manual; what would you say to them then?

I have thought and thought about this. I have known several people who have committed suicide. Had they had manuals that stated their lives would end by their own hand, would it have changed things? Would they have taken their lives sooner? Or never?

There are times I think I wish I could go back to a certain time in my life and know what I know now. But if I could do that how would it make my life different now? My guess is, it would change it but not for the better. I know someone who was constantly trying to find a way to get rich, had a law suit against a former employer, netted him far less then he had hoped. Had another law suit against a driver who rear ended him, still had to work. Then one day while out on his Harley a little old lady crossed the Center line and struck him. He fought for his life. Lost a leg. Mangled him up really bad. Was in the hospital forever it seemed then rehab, and still had troubles today with his prosthetic leg. But, he’s a millionaire-ish now. If he’d have had a manual, how would that have changed his look at life?

I’ve learned that we go through the crazy things and the bad things and even the good things to better ourselves. Learn lessons from those things. Move forward. If we have a manual that guides us, where would we really end up? Better? Worse?

I’m good with who I am now. I’m not perfect, but I’m a better person then I use to be. And I went through a lot of shit to get here. Not all bad shit. And not all someone else’s shit, I stirred just as much as anyone else did. So I think for me, I wouldn’t want that manual. Because it would make me afraid. Afraid to live each day to it’s fullest. Afraid to take chances when maybe I can’t really afford them. Afraid to laugh or afraid to cry. And that’s certainly not living.

So, I’m gonna keep on living each day as God gives it to me, thanking him all the way. And I’m going to keep screwing up and praying He helps me through it!!!

✌🏼😘

It’s What We Do

I want to take this time to talk to you about Real Housewives. By REAL, I mean REAL.

We all know all the different shows from all the different large cities…. ” Real Housewives of……” I loved those shows. Was addicted to those shows. Oh my GAWD I wanted to be IN one of those shows. I watched every single one of them, back when I was a Stay -At-Home Mom. I got sucked in by all the glamor and glitz. I did not know a soul, housewife, working mom, stay-at-home mom NO ONE who even came close to anyone of these woman. At the time, I lived in a trailer. YUP, Mobile HOME, had wheels on the bottom. I always thought ” you want housewife, come to the 47666 and follow me around, our shopping sprees takes us to Goodwill!”

I am not going to talk anymore about those house wives because someone somewhere will certainly get their feelings hurt and I have nothing anyone else would want to sue me for!

In my life, I work full time outside of our home. I take care of all the bills, finances, housework, kids things, mowing, pretty much everything except working on the appliances and vehicles; which usually I call someone to come and do. My husband, he just gets to go to work and that is it! And I am jealous of that sometimes. I will tell you, I screw up our account at least twice a year. And he gets so mad at me each time I swear he is going to divorce me. He thinks I am spending large amounts on STUFF when what it always comes down to is, I got lazy or sick or behind or all the above and stopped keeping track of what was going where who was spending what on what and why and just watched the balance until it got to the OH SHIT level. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it now, but it is going to happen again, I guarantee you. He refuses to help me, says I won’t learn how to do it and do it right until I keep doing it. What sense does that even make? UGH!

I can not tell you how many pizzas I have burned because I am tired and get side tracked when I go into the other room to fold laundry and throw it on everyone’s beds. I can set the timer on the stove and swear it’s the dryer yelling at me and at that moment I just do not care that the clothes are dried. Then finally someone yells ” WHAT’s ON FIRE!” In our first few years in our house we had ADT. I can only imagine how many bets went on when our house came up on screen as having a fire. Our towns 911 dispatch operator would call me personally to see if there really was a fire or if it was just me cooking again. My husband was mortified by it. I thought it was funny. I mean why in the hell did they put the smoke alarm 3 feet from the stove in the first place.

I can make a Sears service man cry. At one point he threw up his hands and said ” I give up” at which point he declared our washing machine ” uneconomical to repair”; and Sears issued us a full refund on the machine, PLUS what we paid for the warranty. The machine in question was only six months old and I had somehow managed to blow apart the concrete arm that held the tub in place. True story. That was six years ago. In that six years we have gone through three more washers. My husband and the lady who owns our local Sears Home Store went round and round about my abilities to operate the machines correctly. Her loss, we now purchase our appliances from Menards.

I think about all the things that I have gotten myself into, and out of. From the things listed above to ruined laundry, lost pets, broken hearts, skinned knees, first days of kindergarten to graduation days, science projects gone wrong to better grades now then I got when I was in school. There are days I am so tired I don’t know if I should cry, laugh or scream. I have many days when I REALLY want a margarita. Then I think of all the butterfly kisses, stomps in the mud puddles, laughs until we cried, sleepless nights, early mornings, drives through the country until a very sleepy someone falls asleep…………. Then I think of all the times I wished time away and I cry. My soul cries. My heart cries.

All the things I wish I could undo or take back, erase and move on from. It’s all part of being a mom, a wife, a housewife, mother, disciplinarian, cook, referee, boo boo kisser, laundry sorter, dishwasher, hair fixer, tear drop catcher……how ever you want to classify me, I gladly accept the job. Yes, there are still going to be days I wish I lived at the beach, I am always going to want to live at the beach, but I want to drag all my little bugs with me. I love my life, however you categorize it. And the more I go over all those little things, and big things we do and will continue to do as REAL HOUSEWIVES, I wouldn’t trade any of it to be big and fancy and controversial, ( which for some reason reminds me of when Chloe and I went into a second hand store a while back and she said to me, ” isn’t this for poor people?” and we both looked up and saw a purse with a huge price sign that said $700 USED……she looked at me and we both laughed…..who in their right minds pays $700 for a used purse????) So, I will probably keep on complaining at times, bragging at times, and planning a life I will never have on a beautiful tropical island, but I love being the housewife for the husband and children, and house I have.

 

 

 

Wandering Mind at Graduation

This past weekend our youngest son graduated high school. It truly seemed so surreal. I was trying to remember how long had it been since I was sitting down on that floor with butterflies in my stomach. My niece apparently had the same thought because she turned around and said ” can you believe it has been 4 years since I graduated?” my answer to her was ” try 29 years”, and as I said it and heard it, it seemed impossible it had been that long.

I sat there listening to the speeches given by these children about life and it’s lessons and not taking the opportunity to seize every minute of life. And I thought to myself ” how in the hell do they know this”. And then my mind began to wander, did my class mates give the same speeches? Did I sit down on the floor and stare at them with no regard to what they were actually saying, let alone actually listening to it? Was my son taking in any of their words or was he doing the same as I had done, as I was doing at that moment?

I seriously wanted to stand up and shout LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!! Even though there was no way they knew the things they were saying were to be true, unless they had asked for life advice from close adults or googled speeches. One young man did in fact admit he googled ” Valedictorian Speeches”, his young man ended his speech with a prayer. I thought for sure the ceiling was going to cave in, but much to my surprise when he finished there was a load roaring echo of AMENs, followed by even louder claps. Very Cool!

Still, as I sat there and listened to more speeches, I wandered where time had gone. I asked myself why I hadn’t tried. Why I hadn’t taken any chances. Why had I been so scared to just take the first step regardless of whether it was followed by failure? I had no answer. I still have no answer. Then I began to wander, will my son settle into the same rut, the rut that just gets you by in life? Will he dare to dance on the edge of the limb and take that plunge? At that moment I think is when I cried. I heard them call his name, and hand him his diploma. And all those fears a mother has for her children were right there on my shoulder taunting me.

What I want for him is for him to always be happy. What I wish for him is that he lives life. Truly lives it. Not just survive in it. Not just go through the motions. Not just make everything alright from what you have. But live life everyday. In every way. Grab ahold of it and ride it’s tail in the wind until you make it to the point of guiding it. I wish we all would have done that.

I can’t be sure where he will go and how he will get there, this is his time, his way. I will pray each and everyday that his way never leaves him lost, lonely, scared, sick or broken. If by chance it does, I will continue to do all I can, and all he allows me to do to pick him back up again.

I Am Jack

” Yes! I snuck past those silly kids!” I’m on my way on my way on my way

“HELLO beautiful how are…..” Inconveniently interrupted by little missy beautifuls’ owner! ” Super! Hey I hear some kids over here, think I’ll check it out on my way home”

POP!POP!POP!

I am Jack. A pit bull by birth, loved and adopted by a human family.

I was shot and killed on May 9,2013, because I snuck out when the kids opened the door, ran to a neighbors house where a female dog was in heat, was told to go home, so I was on my way home and I walked through the wrong yard. The home owner decided to shoot me three times with his rifle while his children, his step children and some neighborhood kids were all outside in the same yard at the time. Yes, the children saw the whole thing. I have no idea what I did wrong.

One of the little boys who was in the yard at the time I was shot, ran home and told his mom. He was so upset. I’ve never seen him like that. Luckily, his mom put him in the car and drove him over to my owners house. She grabs him and hugs him and tells him shes so sorry. I’m not sure she understands what he has told her. He said which yard he was in and that her dog had ran across the yard and “he” shot him with his rifle and scope 3 times! She said she had heard the shots just as she got out of the shower. See, she had gone running and my dad was working in the garage, so they didn’t know I was gone.

She went inside and called 911, told them exactly what the little boy had told her. My dad got in the car and came in search of me. He couldn’t see me.But I heard him. He asked that lady if she shot his dog, she said no. He asked her if his dog had been shot and she said yes. He asked if his dog was being aggressive, which I have no idea what that even means, and she said no he should have kept his dog in his yard. Oh man was he mad!

At home, my mom gets a call back from dispatch, told her he had an officer with her dog and gave her an address asked if she knew where that was. Of course, it’s the next street over. But, they didn’t tell her! She doesn’t know.

Oh! NO! She has gotten in the car with dad. ALL THESE PEOPLE STANDING AROUND….SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL HER!

Her and dad walk around the back of this house where they see the police man. He points, she can’t see me. My dad turns and tells her to ” GO GET IN THE CAR!” I think before he could even get it all out she saw me. I have never seen her act like that. She was trying to throw a boat I think. She ended up in handcuffs while all those people standing around watched.

No-one told her I was dead.

The town Marshall told my family the man at that house admitted to shooting me. He said I wasn’t being aggressive,I still don’t know what that means, nor did he feel threatened. He said he shot me because I was in his yard. I don’t understand , who does that?

I AM JACK. I WAS A PIT BULL WHO WAS LOVED DEEPLY BY HIS FAMILY. I WAS SHOT AND KILLED FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

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The Experience

Recently, my two sons and I attended a Kid Rock concert. Before the concert, I won a contest through The Rebel Soldiers Fan Club ( Kid Rocks’ fan club) called ” The Ultimate Fan Opportunity” for weeks they kept secret what the actual prize was. Then as other concert winners were attending their prospective concerts, information was leaking here and there. Probably, mostly because I was poking around trying to find out what EXACTLY was going to go down. Not because I enjoy taking the element of surprise out of things, but because I had to convince my husband I didn’t sign up for a full blown orgy back stage with Kid Rock, because the contest CLEARLY stated the opportunity was for the winner ONLY not the winner plus one or the winner plus their party, just THE WINNER, that was it. Therefor, I HAD to track down information, otherwise this winner was NOT going to see the prize!

I had only bought two tickets to the concert because when I bought them, I had no idea there was going to be a contest, little alone that I would win one. The plan all along was for me and our 13 year old son to go. Over the years, he has begged to go to a Kid Rock concert with me. In 2011 my husband and I went to the Born Free concert in Evansville, I promised our son then, the very next concert he could go to. Turned out, I lied. My husband and I went to Noblesville in August of 2011 for another Kid Rock concert. So, when the Rebel Soul tour was announced, it was decided at that moment, me and my son were going to Rock it together!

Then I won the contest, my husbands comment ” What about Trent? You know he won’t sit there by himself” All my joy was sucked out of me! And NOT A SOUL that I knew would agree to leave their seat and come sit in my seat for the last three songs of the concert ( even though we had damn good seats) and no one I knew that wasn’t already going to the concert would agree to buy a ticket and then come sit in my seat for the last three songs of the concert. It was as if everyone was saying, ” Screw You!” It literally came down to a few hours before the concert, I begged and begged my oldest son PLEASE buy a cheap seat ticket. They are ONLY $22 PLEASE!!!!!!! He FINALLY caved! And, I think even he is happy he did.

The following paragraphs are copied from a text I sent to my friend, she sent me a text, and I quote; ” So tell me about how it all went down”…….and I did, then I copied it into a note on my Facebook page, adding The Rest of the story. Now, Here I am copying it to my blog, with The Beginning of the story! Image

Well, Born Free had just started and I felt someone pull on my shirt ( which I already knew security was coming to get me during that song) so I turn and the guy asked Julie? I said yes he said follow me so I followed him down the steps ( we were the 10 th row off the floor) to the floor and all the way to the back of the floor area where there was the other fan club winner and a girl and her boyfriend that had won thru Harley Davidson……
So we just stand there thru most of the song then the guy says ” the next song is Bawtidabaw, when the explosion goes off we go… Follow me” and I was like oh man I wish I hadn’t left my phone with Johnny cause I so need to video this for Tyler Bates!……
So then all these sparkler things start going off all across the stage and Kid Rock comes shooting out of the bottom of the stage ( which is also how he started the show so damn cool) and then BOOM! And we were off dang near sprinting to the front diving our way thru people( not really but I did have to push one chick out of my way)
We get up to the front and walk behind a curtain. And there I am standing UNDER the stage and this guy in a suit comes up to me sticks his hand out and says ” I’m Gio, are you Julie?” And I thought SHIT I’M GETTING KICKED OUT ALREADY! Gio is Head of Kid Rocks personal security! So he says they ( and points to the stage) will go off stage change then they will come back out and they are going to play Happy New Year you guys are going to stand by the Harley and just have a good time like your at a New Years party and they gave us Happy New Years hats……
So the song ends and we walk up on stage all the lights are off and it was so damn cool! A couple minutes went by I guess then the band and Kid Rock come out from a curtain with their gold coats on. And this Gio grabs my arm and says you here…. Then they started playing and I started singing and clapping and waving my hands and jumping up and down ……..
The other fan member that won she was like 70 and so darn cute , the sax player kept turning around and smiling winked a couple times then moved to the other side of the stage! Ha! Then the guitar player came our way and he nodded and smiled and soon he too moved away! And yup KR did look our way, but that was it. No HEY GIRL WHAT’S UP! But he was like 5 feet away from me at one point! They turned the lights on and I could see J2 and Trent then I really went crazy and they were crazy waving back!
They kept drawing the song out, so what is normally a 3 minute song was like 10 minutes, when the song was over we were escorted off stage had our picture taken, not with Kid Rock and told thank you and good bye! And I was HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

I hadn’t been to Ford yet so I had no idea if our seats were good or not good and the chart you couldn’t really tell. When Trent and I were walking down the steps and we got half way down I turned and said ” NO WAY!” He said WHAT? I about started crying when we finally got to our seats! I mean they seriously could not have been better! Well, yes they could have but not anywhere near my price range! I’m not gonna lie and say I wish I could have gotten a hand shake, but I’m good
( as told by me to Stacy via text message…. She asked how it all went down, so I told her!)
And here is the rest of the story, which I left out of the text messages.
As I am heading back up the steps to where our seats were, I was diverted to a different set of stairs because someone in our section had passed out. However, my sons were waiting for me when I came out of the stairway. And it was on. I was all chatter like I had just drank a gallon of Red Bull followed by a dozen of those energy shot things! I could not shut up. I thought as we hit the doors I was gonna freeze walking back to the Jeep, but nope! I was good to go. And the three of us laughed and laughed and were just crazy ridiculous the whole walk back to our ride. I can’t speak for my boys but I had had the most amazing night! The whole night was just epic! ( I had wished several times that Scott was there, so he was in my heart) I can’t explain how full my heart and my soul felt. It was like, a release….. Not the end of a story, but THE opportunity to turn the page to the next chapter. For some, you are probably thinking this girl is nuts, which I am, but others who are reading this understand exactly what I mean. EPIC!
And now, the REST of the REST of the story. As we are rolling up the highway I say ” who’s window is down?” J2 says ” his” and points to the back I didn’t think anything at first, thought Trent was hot. Didnt seem odd. Then I said ” what’s that smell? OMG! Are you throwing up?” And he was! So we pulled into Windmill. I went in got him some water and napkins and mistakenly lead the cashier to believe I go to EVERY Kid Rock concert, as in crazed psycho fan following him around the country when I just meant all the ones he has in Evansville!….oops! Apparently, he had been feeling sick to his stomach every since we sat down at the concert. I told him NEVER do that again! EVER! He said WHAT? I told him no one and nothing not even Kid Rock is or ever will be more important then my kids and he should not have had to sit thru all that feeling as bad as he did, we would have left! I then felt like the worse parent ever!
This part, I think all of you will love. Chloe gets off the bus today, first thing she says is ” why did Trent stay home?” So I explained how he got sick, she smiled that evil little smile and said….” HMPF, sounds like Trent doesn’t like Kid Rock either!”
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Image( that’s me in the orange shirt, which just so happens to be a Harley Davidson TShirt!….I have just as many of them as I do Kid Rock tshirts, ok, well maybe not, but I have a few!)

May 2018

Crazy. I was. I can not tell you how insanely over the top crazy I was for Kid Rock. No, I had no grand illusions of being whisked off to forever be his love slave. Ewe. I mean how many ” places” do you think THATS been in. 😲 Noway, I have loads of respect for my place. Anyway, in the deepest darkest depths of my own personal hell his voice was my everything. My best friend, my anger release, my sobering cries. Wow. His voice was all that held me in check. That night, April 1,2013 I was so high on life. I was going to be on stage with the voice that kept me sane. No bundle of nerves no jitters, calm as my soul could be without having been on the Gulf of Mexico. I was ready. And SLAM. No warning signs no sirens, just a big fat fuck you. That’s what it felt like. Right there. I mean just feet away, and not a nod, not a wave not a passing by high five NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Took me about 7 seconds on that stage to feel it. We were a mosquito buzzing around and around his nose, pissing him off. Resentment. Because he sold out. His backers required him to host the contests but they couldn’t force him to like it or give anything of himself. It hung heavy in the air. Took another 5 seconds to see I was feeling it right. And another .2 seconds to close it all off and say fuck you back. From that moment on Kid Rock as I use to see him was gone. The rest of my time on stage it was about me being on stage where my sons could see me and I could see them and we just danced and waved and acted stupid. It was the death of a friend. My over the edge excitement for anything Kid Rock died as well. For a few years I didn’t even listen to him. We still go to concerts, he puts on one hell of a show. Still dream of him playing for me at this huge 50 birthday party for me. But, he’s not all that anymore. He’s an asshole as I see it. Broke my spirit for awhile but that’s my fault. I put it all on his voice. I needed someone or something to help me through, and his voice did. So, for that I thank him. Still pisses me the hell off. What would it have hurt 2 seconds. *sigh* I dream too big I suppose.

Damn it one of these damn days I am going to be filthy rich with my own damn yacht sailing around one of those beautiful islands with my husband and kids and beautiful friends, ugly ones too, and Kid Rock is gonna wish he had high fives me that night……..

✌🏼

Little Red Corvette

What did that title make you think of?

Prince circa way back when? Wait, is it still the artist formally known as Prince? I can’t keep up on those things!

Here’s what my original thought was, a mans MIDLIFE CRISIS! And this would be the visvisualization of THAT thought:

 

 

Now, I don’t know about you, but I personally think that is just a bunch of bull crap! All the way around. No matter how you look at it, how you break it down. That photo sums up a mans midlife crisis. I don’t mean all men cheat or all men go out and buy a super fast sports car. I can’t say that, I don’t know allmen. However, I do believe a mans midlife crisis, or whatever it is, is completely different then a woman’s.

Here is how I see this particular point in my life :

Completely different wouldn’t you say?

I am NOT more “disguising” looking! I am almost 42 years OLD and not only do I have wrinkles, but I have pimples and blackheads! And not just a few, but a whole face full! Try shopping for face cleaners and spot treatments and makeup when a product for one problem worsens the other problem! It’s a nightmare! I have purposely let ALL the light bulbs burn out over the bathroom vanity! I do not want to see what the mirror has to offer me! ESPECIALLY those extremely long but you can barely see them until your 7 year old points them out chin hairs!!!!!! REALLY!!!!!!!!! This is where a ball bat to mirrors would be a super fun sport, if I wasn’t so superstitious!

At the ripe ol age of 42, after having given birth to 3 children, I can not sneeze,laugh or cough without having a bladder leak! Yes, I went there. And as long as I am there, ask my 7 year old what happens when I jump on the trampoline! For the past year she asks me periodically if I will jump with her, and she asks with a smile that says ” PLEASE jump with me so I can tell everyone you peed in your pants AGAIN!!!!”

I also find it strange that with 2 bathrooms in the house, and one out in the building that I am the only one who “gets in trouble” if I lock the bathroom door. All of them, husband included will stand outside that door beating on it hollering ” WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?” like I am a 15 year old boy who’s mom just discovered dads collection of nudie mags had been raided! I mean come on! So, I leave the door unlocked, and in and out they come. I really love it when as I am drying off, because I am the only one in the house who actually dries off as I am getting OUT of the tub, happen to notice that the bathroom door is standing WIDE open. Funny, because I KNOW I shut it when I went in, especially since my almost 13 year old son has his girlfriend and 2 friends over, yup I am positive I shut the door!

I have no idea what I thought my 40’s would be like, I probably thought I’d never live to be THAT old. But, now that I am here, and moving swiftly towards the mid 40’s I’ll tell you what I WANT it to be like!

I don’t want to have to do homework anymore! I have been doing homework since I was 5, and by gosh I don’t want to do it anymore! This is why I don’t go back to school myself, I should have many many many degrees by now with all the homework I have had to do for 5 kids!!!!!!! And, we aren’t close to being finished yet! ( with school that is….I am beyond finished with HAVING kids!)

I want to sleep in EVERYDAY, if I want to! Or, maybe stay up all night doing nothing at all, or reading, or walking thru the grave yard. Yes, I said walking thru the grave yard! Why? I don’t know, maybe to see if it still scares me now that I am old enough to know that NO ONE is going to jump out of the grave and grab me!!!!!

Today, I might want my hair pink, tomorrow I might want it red and the next day I may want to wear feather ear rings! No, I have NEVER wore feather ear rings because I thought those were the most stupid looking things EVER! And now, I want clogs and feather ear rings, just like Stevie Knicks wore in the 80’s! Next week, I may decide to be a Valley Girl.

 

The only thing I am real sure of right now at this precise moment is this:

I don’t mind getting older, but can I please do it on my terms? I’ve spent the last 22 years raising kids, raising a husband, I forgot to be me. I don’t know what I want to be, who I want to be or how I want to be yet.

Time, please slow down a bit, so I can catch up!