The Experience

Recently, my two sons and I attended a Kid Rock concert. Before the concert, I won a contest through The Rebel Soldiers Fan Club ( Kid Rocks’ fan club) called ” The Ultimate Fan Opportunity” for weeks they kept secret what the actual prize was. Then as other concert winners were attending their prospective concerts, information was leaking here and there. Probably, mostly because I was poking around trying to find out what EXACTLY was going to go down. Not because I enjoy taking the element of surprise out of things, but because I had to convince my husband I didn’t sign up for a full blown orgy back stage with Kid Rock, because the contest CLEARLY stated the opportunity was for the winner ONLY not the winner plus one or the winner plus their party, just THE WINNER, that was it. Therefor, I HAD to track down information, otherwise this winner was NOT going to see the prize!

I had only bought two tickets to the concert because when I bought them, I had no idea there was going to be a contest, little alone that I would win one. The plan all along was for me and our 13 year old son to go. Over the years, he has begged to go to a Kid Rock concert with me. In 2011 my husband and I went to the Born Free concert in Evansville, I promised our son then, the very next concert he could go to. Turned out, I lied. My husband and I went to Noblesville in August of 2011 for another Kid Rock concert. So, when the Rebel Soul tour was announced, it was decided at that moment, me and my son were going to Rock it together!

Then I won the contest, my husbands comment ” What about Trent? You know he won’t sit there by himself” All my joy was sucked out of me! And NOT A SOUL that I knew would agree to leave their seat and come sit in my seat for the last three songs of the concert ( even though we had damn good seats) and no one I knew that wasn’t already going to the concert would agree to buy a ticket and then come sit in my seat for the last three songs of the concert. It was as if everyone was saying, ” Screw You!” It literally came down to a few hours before the concert, I begged and begged my oldest son PLEASE buy a cheap seat ticket. They are ONLY $22 PLEASE!!!!!!! He FINALLY caved! And, I think even he is happy he did.

The following paragraphs are copied from a text I sent to my friend, she sent me a text, and I quote; ” So tell me about how it all went down”…….and I did, then I copied it into a note on my Facebook page, adding The Rest of the story. Now, Here I am copying it to my blog, with The Beginning of the story! Image

Well, Born Free had just started and I felt someone pull on my shirt ( which I already knew security was coming to get me during that song) so I turn and the guy asked Julie? I said yes he said follow me so I followed him down the steps ( we were the 10 th row off the floor) to the floor and all the way to the back of the floor area where there was the other fan club winner and a girl and her boyfriend that had won thru Harley Davidson……
So we just stand there thru most of the song then the guy says ” the next song is Bawtidabaw, when the explosion goes off we go… Follow me” and I was like oh man I wish I hadn’t left my phone with Johnny cause I so need to video this for Tyler Bates!……
So then all these sparkler things start going off all across the stage and Kid Rock comes shooting out of the bottom of the stage ( which is also how he started the show so damn cool) and then BOOM! And we were off dang near sprinting to the front diving our way thru people( not really but I did have to push one chick out of my way)
We get up to the front and walk behind a curtain. And there I am standing UNDER the stage and this guy in a suit comes up to me sticks his hand out and says ” I’m Gio, are you Julie?” And I thought SHIT I’M GETTING KICKED OUT ALREADY! Gio is Head of Kid Rocks personal security! So he says they ( and points to the stage) will go off stage change then they will come back out and they are going to play Happy New Year you guys are going to stand by the Harley and just have a good time like your at a New Years party and they gave us Happy New Years hats……
So the song ends and we walk up on stage all the lights are off and it was so damn cool! A couple minutes went by I guess then the band and Kid Rock come out from a curtain with their gold coats on. And this Gio grabs my arm and says you here…. Then they started playing and I started singing and clapping and waving my hands and jumping up and down ……..
The other fan member that won she was like 70 and so darn cute , the sax player kept turning around and smiling winked a couple times then moved to the other side of the stage! Ha! Then the guitar player came our way and he nodded and smiled and soon he too moved away! And yup KR did look our way, but that was it. No HEY GIRL WHAT’S UP! But he was like 5 feet away from me at one point! They turned the lights on and I could see J2 and Trent then I really went crazy and they were crazy waving back!
They kept drawing the song out, so what is normally a 3 minute song was like 10 minutes, when the song was over we were escorted off stage had our picture taken, not with Kid Rock and told thank you and good bye! And I was HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

I hadn’t been to Ford yet so I had no idea if our seats were good or not good and the chart you couldn’t really tell. When Trent and I were walking down the steps and we got half way down I turned and said ” NO WAY!” He said WHAT? I about started crying when we finally got to our seats! I mean they seriously could not have been better! Well, yes they could have but not anywhere near my price range! I’m not gonna lie and say I wish I could have gotten a hand shake, but I’m good
( as told by me to Stacy via text message…. She asked how it all went down, so I told her!)
And here is the rest of the story, which I left out of the text messages.
As I am heading back up the steps to where our seats were, I was diverted to a different set of stairs because someone in our section had passed out. However, my sons were waiting for me when I came out of the stairway. And it was on. I was all chatter like I had just drank a gallon of Red Bull followed by a dozen of those energy shot things! I could not shut up. I thought as we hit the doors I was gonna freeze walking back to the Jeep, but nope! I was good to go. And the three of us laughed and laughed and were just crazy ridiculous the whole walk back to our ride. I can’t speak for my boys but I had had the most amazing night! The whole night was just epic! ( I had wished several times that Scott was there, so he was in my heart) I can’t explain how full my heart and my soul felt. It was like, a release….. Not the end of a story, but THE opportunity to turn the page to the next chapter. For some, you are probably thinking this girl is nuts, which I am, but others who are reading this understand exactly what I mean. EPIC!
And now, the REST of the REST of the story. As we are rolling up the highway I say ” who’s window is down?” J2 says ” his” and points to the back I didn’t think anything at first, thought Trent was hot. Didnt seem odd. Then I said ” what’s that smell? OMG! Are you throwing up?” And he was! So we pulled into Windmill. I went in got him some water and napkins and mistakenly lead the cashier to believe I go to EVERY Kid Rock concert, as in crazed psycho fan following him around the country when I just meant all the ones he has in Evansville!….oops! Apparently, he had been feeling sick to his stomach every since we sat down at the concert. I told him NEVER do that again! EVER! He said WHAT? I told him no one and nothing not even Kid Rock is or ever will be more important then my kids and he should not have had to sit thru all that feeling as bad as he did, we would have left! I then felt like the worse parent ever!
This part, I think all of you will love. Chloe gets off the bus today, first thing she says is ” why did Trent stay home?” So I explained how he got sick, she smiled that evil little smile and said….” HMPF, sounds like Trent doesn’t like Kid Rock either!”
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Image( that’s me in the orange shirt, which just so happens to be a Harley Davidson TShirt!….I have just as many of them as I do Kid Rock tshirts, ok, well maybe not, but I have a few!)

May 2018

Crazy. I was. I can not tell you how insanely over the top crazy I was for Kid Rock. No, I had no grand illusions of being whisked off to forever be his love slave. Ewe. I mean how many ” places” do you think THATS been in. 😲 Noway, I have loads of respect for my place. Anyway, in the deepest darkest depths of my own personal hell his voice was my everything. My best friend, my anger release, my sobering cries. Wow. His voice was all that held me in check. That night, April 1,2013 I was so high on life. I was going to be on stage with the voice that kept me sane. No bundle of nerves no jitters, calm as my soul could be without having been on the Gulf of Mexico. I was ready. And SLAM. No warning signs no sirens, just a big fat fuck you. That’s what it felt like. Right there. I mean just feet away, and not a nod, not a wave not a passing by high five NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Took me about 7 seconds on that stage to feel it. We were a mosquito buzzing around and around his nose, pissing him off. Resentment. Because he sold out. His backers required him to host the contests but they couldn’t force him to like it or give anything of himself. It hung heavy in the air. Took another 5 seconds to see I was feeling it right. And another .2 seconds to close it all off and say fuck you back. From that moment on Kid Rock as I use to see him was gone. The rest of my time on stage it was about me being on stage where my sons could see me and I could see them and we just danced and waved and acted stupid. It was the death of a friend. My over the edge excitement for anything Kid Rock died as well. For a few years I didn’t even listen to him. We still go to concerts, he puts on one hell of a show. Still dream of him playing for me at this huge 50 birthday party for me. But, he’s not all that anymore. He’s an asshole as I see it. Broke my spirit for awhile but that’s my fault. I put it all on his voice. I needed someone or something to help me through, and his voice did. So, for that I thank him. Still pisses me the hell off. What would it have hurt 2 seconds. *sigh* I dream too big I suppose.

Damn it one of these damn days I am going to be filthy rich with my own damn yacht sailing around one of those beautiful islands with my husband and kids and beautiful friends, ugly ones too, and Kid Rock is gonna wish he had high fives me that night……..

✌🏼

Things I’ve Learned About Running

I am no fitness expert. Not a running expert either. In fact I know nothing about fitness and only a slight bit more then that about running.
I’m not even sure what I have began is considered running at all. It’s probably more of a light jog on the treadmill. I’ve only been at it for two weeks. My goal is to run a 5 K in May.
All that being said, the following is what I have learned about running thus far!
• Choose your playlist very carefully! You want music that will keep you motivated, but will NOT bring out the 80’s head banging or hustle & flow moves because THAT does not end well on a treadmill!
• Have a water bottle which allows you to squirt the water into your mouth versus having to unscrew the lid and drink. On the plus side of the latter, you can play it off as you really worked up one heck of a sweat! 😉
• Wear TWO sports bras- that should be self explanatory
• DO NOT GET ON THE TREADMILL WHEN IT IS SET ON FULL SPEED AHEAD! EVEN IF YOU ARE HOLDING ON- SUPER BAD IDEA!
• Do not position the treadmill so it is anywhere near the ping pong table, that is if you have one. For some reason the person on the side which has them facing you occasionally feels the need to slam the ball as if they are attempting to hit a home run- and yes I am aware home runs don’t exist in ping pong- that’s my point!
• I won’t bring up the dart board, now that I think about it, probably should move the treadmill at this point!
• When your dog comes up and sits and stares at you, do not bend over to let him! Even if you are holding o !
• Stretch before & after
• Stay hydrated ( remember squirt bottle)
• Breath thru both your nose and mouth, more oxygen, less of a headache!
• Set realistic goals
• ALWAYS potty TWICE before you get on the treadmill, cause on e you get going you are still going to think you have to go!
My final words of novice wisdom: try to time your running playlist so you end your run with a song like Queens ” We Are The Champions” or Kid Rocks ” Never Met A Mother Fucker Quite Like Me ” Trust me, when you feel like your either going to puke or passout and you’ve lost your HMPF with one minute left- one of those songs come on and you push yourself through that last minute and get off the treadmill with an attitude like HELL YEAH I DID IT!
Until next time, keep your feet on the ground!

SHUT UP!

If you know me, or if you follow my blog, then you know I am a HUGE Kid Rock fan.
Big deal right? I mean most people are a huge fan of someone or something! What makes me any different or special in a fan kind of way? Nothing at all, on a normal day.
February 12th was NOT a normal day, and neither will April 1rst be.
April 1rst is the Kid Rock concert my son and I are going to.

I should probably rewind some of this so everyone else can understand what on earth I am talking about. I’m sure right now it all sounds either crazy or in code.
Being a member of the Kid Rock fan club, Rebel Soldiers, I was able to enter a contest called ” Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity”. Two winners would be picked for each concert venue already on the schedule. No other details. That’s it. So, of course I entered! I entered daily for a week, then they closed the contest.
Sometime after 9 PM on February 12 th I checked my emails via my phone before going to bed. I had an email that said I was a winner for the concert I had chosen. All I had to do was respond to the email with verification I was in fact a fan club member and I do have a ticket for that concert. My first reply to the email said this: ” SHUT UP! Is this for real!?” To which I received an immediate reply that yes it was in fact for real and please submit the verification requested. So I did.
I then receive an email telling me what to do on the day of the concert. That’s it! Nothing else.
Well, at that point I was thinking ” there is no way this is real” Which in checking the fan forum, apparently no one else believed it was real either. For some crazy odd reason, that told me it was in fact real. But why was it so cryptic? No one on the fan forum was talking about their experience at the concerts as winners. Why? Now, it passed cryptic and sailed straight on to creepy.
In talking with another fan, who won for the concert the night before the concert I won for, we wandered …. Are they kidnapping people? I mean cause Jeepers a Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity and no one is posting anywhere about it? No pictures NOTHING! ANYWHERE! So that’s it, now we know…. Someone is kidnapping Kid Rock fans! Great!
Luckily, someone finally posted!

It seems they expected way more than what the actual prize ended up being. I think the words they used were something like “complete bullshit, nowhere near the epic experience I thought I was going to get”
Now, I’m going to stop here to tell you before thinking fans were being kidnapped, I had been saying things like ” I’ll probably get a free hotdog and drink” or ” they will have me mop the stage” because in fact a Once in a Lifetime Fan Opportunity would be anything outside the normal buying a ticket to the concert experience, right? Right!
Still all the while hoping I’d get to meet him.
Well, the prize is, during the last song of the concert, the winners for each show get to stand on the stage and clap while Kid Rock signs and performs the last set.
Now, according to the fan that was completely disappointed, he doesn’t even look the winners way! I hope this isn’t true! I mean if I don’t get to meet him, at least I can say HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME! Of course in my case if he does look right at me it will be because I tripped and fell and knocked something over, probably fall off stage to boot.
I can see the disappointment. I mean you get all excited and tell everyone that you have won, but you don’t know what you have won. And everyone is ” oh you’ll get to meet him!” Now that I know before hand, I can let everyone know, hey I don’t get to meet Kid Rock, but I do get to make an ass out of myself on stage so take plenty of pictures! I’d been a bit ticked if I hadn’t known and then after the concert been asked ” so did ya get to meet him” ….. I’d have felt like a complete idiot!
Thank Goodness I only bought a new pair of jeans and not a new pair of shoes too! What a disaster that could have ended up being! 😉
Who knows, maybe next time!

Not At All What I Had Been Visualizing

     For the most part, I am behind when it comes to music. Unless, of course its Kid Rock, and I am up-to-the-minute!
     So, the first time I heard Pontoon, was maybe a month ago. Man, I love that song. When I hear it, I so want to go find a pontoon boat climb up to the top and jump off the back! Cross my heart…..so true!! What makes that even more funny, I am scared of water!
     As soon as I heard it I had to come home, find it, download it and go mow my yard. Beacause that’s really the only time I get to actually relax and listen to my music.
     Anyway, I am hacking away on the ol Husqvarna ( which I can actually say correctly now thank you very much, and I will add I have something those goofy ass valley girls in California can’t have….sorry that’s an 80’s thing, I get side tracked easily)….where was I, o, Husqvarna…..yes, hacking away and the song comes on….I’m singing and mowing and have my arms moving like I’m swimming thru the water. Hey, its my yard, my mower, my relaxation.
     The visualization going thru my mind is sheer luxury. I mean if your going to get the whole picture in your mind while on a mower, you gotta go big with it right? Picture it…..not me mowing and singing but, hear the song and picture the pontoon boat. Got it? Me too! Makes you wanna go pontooning right?
      Ok, so I do a Google search, just because I am bored and THIS is what pulls up:

image

YUP! I am so serious! I think I laughed so hard I spit out my nose. Thought to myself, dang even Google knows I can’t afford to fantasize on someone elses budget! THANKS GOOGLE! WAY TO CRUSH A GIRLS DREAMS WHEN SHE’S NOT HAD A CIGARETTE IN 5 DAYS!
     So, now I am gonna have a bowl of Boo Berry Cereal, follow it up with a Blueberry Tootsie Pop and then turn on a Kid Rock song and do the sprinkler dance like Google can’t see me!
😀

Hide Under a Rock Day!

     So, its almost August. I hadn’t really thought about it, even knowing the kids are going back to school in a week. August. I’ve been dreading it since March.
     August. I can say on the plus side of this horrible word comes football pre season. Yet, its still……..August!
     Seems strange to dread a month that brings beautiful weather and the kids back to school. But I do.
     August 8th this year is the day! Its the day I as a member of the Kid Rock Congregation can pre book reservations to the 2013 Chillin the Most cruise.
     As a crazed KR fan I should be excited, right?!? So far from it. When I received the email last week notifying me of the day and time I can book, I almost broke down in tears. I was in the middle of cleaning a house when my phone buzzed. I think I froze when I read the subject line. I had to tell myself “you are a big girl, get over it!” And for the next two hours, I moved through the cleaning process in extreme slow motion. It was like my whole body was just way too heavy to move.
     Its not just that we can’t afford it, still! For some reason my husband thinks if we go on the cruise ….well I’m not real sure what he thinks. I can say he will never take me on that cruise. PLEASE! First, I don’t want KR, I. Want my husband forever & always. Second, PLEASE! KR doesn’t want me either!
     It is what it is.
     2013 is the 4th annual cruise I believe, maybe I’ll get to finally go on the 20th annual cruise.
     Still, I think I’ll hide under a rock on August 8th!

image

Just to catch up

It has been a little bit since I have blogged. I do believe the last one was on my attempt to quit smoking.

Well, let me tell you how THAT went. Right out the door. Did I happen to mention in the last post that my husband had originally suggested that we begin THAT day right then?! I did good all day, I was extremely proud of my self! I got home and guess who is standing in my kitchen smoking a cigarette? I’ll give you a hint, it was NOT, I repeat NOT Kid Rock. Had it been him, I’d have said ” Hey Baby!”, but no to my dismay it was in fact my husband. So, I stood there with my jaw dropped, hands on my hips and in some sort of shock. You would have thought he had a bong in his hands. His reply when I asked him about the whole quitting smoking, ” I was asleep when I said that” . So, of course I marched myself over to the convenience store and bought a pack. I will admit, I am a complete idiot. I could blame it on him, I could blame it on life, I could blame it on the postman. The truth be told, I was weak. It’s not that I do not want to quit, or that I won’t, but at this exact moment, my strength has not caught up to my desire.

     Oh! I can’t even believe I have not wrote about this yet! I have purchased tickets to my second Kid Rock concert of 2011! Noblesville, IN August 20th! Wow that is so far away. I about cried the day of the pre sale. Fan club members get to purchase tickets the day before Tickmaster hosts a pre sale, so I guess it is a pre sale pre sale. Anyway, all that kept coming up when I would put in my ticket count, which 4 is all we are allowed to purchase, was what I thought were going to be nose bleed seats. So, I kept trying and trying and trying, and finally got some seats about 20 rows from the stage. Here is the big kicker, the day before I had reported my debit card lost because I spent all weekend looking for it with no luck. I put in my credit card info, declined over limit, pulled out one of my husbands, declined over limit, pulled out the very last one, declined. Luckily, the wife of the couple going with us calls me right as I am getting ready to just let loose a flood of tears, and she gives me her husbands credit card info…..cha ching……tickets bought! Woohoo! ( now i just wish i could get back stage passes!)

     At this point I really must tell you about the whole debit card thing. I had gone to Wal Mart, which I absolutely hate, paid for what ever it was I had to have. I load the car up, then unload it, you know the whole ritual. I have no idea why in the middle of the night while I was surely dreaming sweet dreams of KR I suddenly sat straight up and thought “shit, where is my debit card?” I had no memory, none what-so-ever of having put it back in my wallet or my purse or even my pocket. I remember having swiped it and entering my PIN, but that is it. At that point I completely freaked out. I got out of bed, emptied my purse, emptied my wallet, I even went out to my Jeep and ramsacked it. To take it even farther, I got a flashlight and went over every inch from where I was parked to where I unloaded all the bags. I checked my jean pockets, I checked the washer the dryer, the bathroom floor. I left nothing unturned! The next morning I even called Wal Mart to see if one had been turned in to the lost and found. The lady told me they had many cards, but none with that name on it. That in itself surprised me, that so many people would lose their cards and 1. they were actually turned into lost and found 2. no one had claimed them. Anyway, by Sunday I was a complete mess. I was scared to death to tell my husband I had lost it, knowing a lecture of some magnitude would surely develop. Then, the thought of even one dollar going missing out of the account made me just sick to my stomach, not just for the loss of money but the lecture that would follow on the heels of that coming to light. Come Monday morning, I called the bank and reported it lost. Monday evening, I broke down and told my husband. After near panic attacks and surely an ulcer to develop, all he said was ” how did you manage to do that?” I was dumb founded! I wanted to reply at that moment with, ” Well if I knew the answer to that dumbass, I would know where to find it now wouldn’t I?” but I refrained, as hard as it was I did refrain. The very next day after having reported the card lost, I am digging through my wallet for change and guess what I find? My damn debit card!!!!! All I could do was laugh at myself. It was right there, plain as day. Now mind you, it was not in the little slots they designate for such things, it was in the part where you put actual paper bills. Oh well! I now have a bright and shiny new card!

     Well, I suppose I have bored you long enough for one post!

     Remember: Your reach must never be greater then your grasp!

Kid Rock

Wow! March 1rst Kid Rock came to Roberts Stadium in Evansville, IN. For the first time in all the times I have seen him live on stage or at an event on T.V., I did not cry when he took the stage! Maybe turning 40 has brought about a surge of adulthood, God I hope not!!

You may be thinking “why on earth would this grown ass woman cry when Kid Rock comes on stage?” Well, there is a sort of “emotional” attachment to his voice. I know, now you think I am beyond crazy and perhaps even certifiable. Truth be told, I just might be. I’ll tell you my story, then you can decide for yourself. Before I begin, I have to tell you, I don’t share my personal experiences with many, and have NEVER told this story to anyone outside of my circle of friends. I am not even sure if my husband knows the full story behind my “personal” attachment to Kid Rocks’ voice.

I suppose I should give you some background before jumping into the deep end.

I was the owner of a salon, I was married with a young son. My Mothers boss at the local factory started coming in to get his hair cut. One thing led to the other, and I left my husband and within 6 months Scott and I were married. There was a moment in time, before I left my first husband that I took Scotts’ hand in mine, and something just lit up. I knew at that moment that he was my soul mate, the love of my life. I went home I told my husband I wanted a divorce, and that as they say is history.

To date, Scott and have been married 13 1/2 years. April 13 of this year marks the 14th anniversary of the night I took his hand in mine. Things are so very good these days. We are actually going to be closing on our first house this week. However, things have not always been so good. In fact they were bad VERY VERY bad. I would describe the bad period in our life as a roller coaster ride thru hell and back again.

I knew when Scott and I got together that he occasionally smoked pot. I was ok with that. As I saw it, really what was the difference in that and the man who came home from work everyday and drank a case of beer. I can’t say that pot was a stepping stone, because I am not convinced it was. I think it did open the world up to him in a manner that he was able to find what he wanted when he wanted, beyond the pot. When his oldest daughter was 15 she was “violated” . The police did not want to do anything about it because this man was under investigation for involvement with a drug trafficking gang out of Chicago. ( about a year later he was arrested for possession of pot and got a whopping 12 months probation-never a charge on him or any of the other supposed members) HE terrorized my daughter, me, our whole family when he would see us out. My husband damn near went insane with rage, and with that feeling of worthlessness from not being able to protect his daughter. I honestly thought he would track him down and kill him. And I imagine it went thru his mind. But, instead he turned to methamphetamine. It was a progression really. He didn’t jump into the deep in and then was lost to us. But as he progressed, there was no pulling him back in. HE just sank deeper and deeper and deeper. At the beginning, I knew what was going on, but I put blinders on. Once it got to a point of no return, regretfully, I had allowed it to go on for so long, I could not reach him. By this time he was “deeply” involved. There would be times he would be gone for days. I would have no idea where he was who he was with, how to contact him. He would leave us with no money, no car, barely any food in the cabinets. His mother would call for him, and I would lie as to where he was. My family and friends would question his where abouts, his state of mind and so on. I can remember one time it was the dead of winter, a blizzard going on outside, the authorities had called for a state of emergency, and the furnace went out. I called my dad crying, but he wouldn’t dare the roads to come help. I called my husbands cell phone, no answer…shocking….anyone and everyone I could think of that may know where he was. I left shitty messages on many a cell phone, and FINALLY a few hours later, me and all the kids bundled on the couch in a ton of blankets, he came storming in madder then an old wet hen, fixed the furnace and was gone for another 3 days. Because I had the nerve to call his “friends” and leave those shitty messages. And that, that was a good night. How about seeing your vehicle go cruising past your house with a strange girl driving it. Finding messages on your husbands phone, not for him, but for his girlfriend. Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough finding text messages between your husband and your very own sister, and not “hey how ya doin” messages… but “booty call ” messages. And, at the time I was 7 months pregnant. Which, of course for the entire 9 months he swore was not his. Finding out that during that blizzard when the furnace went out he couldn’t be found because he was shacked up somewhere with yet another of his crank whores. There were many, all of which he denies of course. The one he could not deny, he got her pregnant while I was pregnant. Care to guess how I found out? I doubt you will, so here it is. I had a dream one night that this girl with long dark hair showed up at my door with her mother and informed me she was pregnant. Of course he denied it, no on else would tell me the truth, then FINALLY one night for some reason he decided to clear his conscious, but his version basically that she more or less raped him but he let her. I know right!?!

I knew it would be a bad night when he would come home turn off all the lights and close all the blinds. Jeeze, those nights were real rough. He saw ghosts and para troopers and spies and God only knows what else.

There came a time when things were so bad, I cut off all ties to friends (did I mention my best friend was one of his conquers?..yeah) and family. I was alone. In mind, body and spirit. I was beat down and broken. I happened across a Kid Rock CD that my sister had left. I remember I put it in the computer, skipped thru a shit load of songs until I heard “Lonely Road of Faith” I cried and I cried and I cried, then I cried some more. I think I listened to that song a million times in the next few days. At that point if I remember correctly he had been gone about 3 days or so. I was pissed, boiling over ready to rip someone in half pissed. I put that cd in and let the whole thing play. I found there was a song for just about every emotion I would go thru at any given time. So, when I was pissed the fuck off, I would listen to ” Never Met a Mother Fucker…” when I was down and feeling sorry for myself it would be anything from “Lonely Road of Faith” to “Only God Knows Why” (by this point I had found other Kid Rock songs.) and even when I thought I wanted to try to understand my husband, what he was going thru, yes there was a song for that, like ” Jackson Mississippi”. So, that voice booming these songs out at me, letting me feel what I needed to feel, letting me throw a glass at the wall or what ever it was I needed, that voice became my shoulder to lean on. It became my friend, my break in the dark of loneliness. That voice saved ME. Really, I am not insane. I do not find an attachment to Kid Rock himself for any reason. Seeing him gives life to that voice, but I have no misguideedness towards a bond or connection of myself and him. Just a voice out of the darkness leading me to the light. And if that makes me crazy, then I am glad to be.

Would I love for him to show up at my door and he and I be life long friends, hell yes. Do I live in reality and understand this will never happen, unfortunately and sadly, yes I do. So, whether you understand it or not, that is my story. I am not sure why I didn’t cry this time at his concert. Maybe maturity, maybe the evolution of our life has finally brought me to peace. And maybe, after many many years, my heart is has mended and is again a whole. I am not sure, but what ever it is, whatever happened or didn’t happen, I am forever a true Kid Rock fan.

You may be wondering at this point what ever happened, well you already know we are still together. My husband ended up going to jail, spent some time there, some time on house arrest. And thru the last 6 years, we have healed, mended and moved forward in our lives. I suppose all of that will be another chapter in our lives.

In closing this, if anyone has actually read this far….. always believe……….