14 Months to a Healthy 50

Jules Healthy Road to 50

So, I am doing a thing. Which, is not unusual for me, seems I am ALWAYS doing a thing. This one, this one is going to make a difference.

The link above explains things in as much detail as I could give last night.

I now have a daily video diary up and going over on youtube. I only have Day 1 on file, but Day 1 is very important. I don’t know if I mentioned in my previous post, but recently I was told by two separate doctors that I need to lose weight. I took it very hard.

I am really good at seeking out quick fixes and the latest trends. I have spent way TOO much money on fad diets and work out equipment. My husband told me I am not allowed to spend anymore money on diet stuff. My NP told me I need to learn to look at food differently, to completely change my way of thinking and eating.

Now I am at a real crossroad because I am the queen of procrastination. Add to that I have little self motivation. AND this past year has just been a roller coaster ride of emotions and exhaustion and hot flashes and I don’t even know. I have not been myself. This is where the video diary comes into play. I have to keep myself accountable. I have to keep myself motivated. My plan is each day I will do my video diary. The next day I will come over here to my blog and log all the daily things. Food, exercise, whatever else that the video just really can not capture in it’s full awesomeness.

I asked in my first video for followers, which as of yet I do not have, please not be mean, but any and all advice is welcome.

My FIFTIETH birthday is November 11, 2020. That is my goal date. My goal isn’t necessarily a number on the scale or a size in the closet, but more a healthier, leaner happier me. I want to be Fit and Fabulous at 50! I have a LONG way to go, but I am determined to get there.

If you would take a minute and jet over to youtube and follow me. Share if you will!

Peace my beautiful friends!!!wpid-262901_10151176579058415_1137255851_n.jpg

Feeling Bad

Do you ever feel like just throwing your hands in the air and screaming ” YOU WIN!!!!” ? That is pretty much where I am at the moment.

I am so tired. Exhausted does not even begin to describe how tired I am. I need a break. When I say a break, I mean that across the damn board. A break from absolutely everything. A permanent vacation from the real world. A break in finances so I can have a break from the real world. A break in my health. You get the idea.

Somewhere around seven years ago, I started feeling bad. Little things. Things I really couldn’t explain, nor could I find good descriptives of how I felt. Finally, I just started telling my husband and my doctor that I have bad blood. That is exactly how it felt. I swear I could FEEL my blood trying its hardest to push through my body. Trying so hard it made everything hurt. My biggest complaint at the time was my left leg ached so bad I would just sit and cry. I felt like I needed it rubbed, so I would ask my husband to rub it and it took all I had to not come up swinging and shouting. It hurt to just touch it. This wasn’t all the time, it came and went in spells. I had all kinds of crazy tests ran. One they actually hooked me up to some machine and inserted needles that shocked my nerves. Talk about fun. And, of course nothing. I was out of my mind.

Life went on and I learned to just deal with whatever the day decided to bring.

September 23, 2012 I decided I didn’t want to smoke anymore. Quit cold turkey. That, is shear hell, but effective. That journey is a whole different story.

About six, maybe eight months later I had routine blood work. I got a call to come in and talk to my doctor. I figured she wanted to adjust my thyroid medicine. I go in, sit down and she tells me my platelet numbers are sky high. She said they had always been slightly elevated, but that is normal for a smoker. Now, that I am no longer a smoker she started going over my numbers over the last two years and the numbers have been going up and up, and have not gone down since I had quit smoking. She had no idea what was going on, so she sent me to a blood specialist. I was over the top scared to death, because of course, I had been googling all of this. Blood specialist said there was nothing wrong with my blood, no cancer, nothing that he could help me with. He said my problem is that my bone marrow makes too many platelets which is making everything else out of control. He sends me to another doctor who sends me to another doctor, and eventually I end up at a Rheumatologist. Well, he takes one look at all my tests results and tells me I have CREST Syndrome, which is a whole bunch of disorders wrapped up into one nice little package.

It falls under Auto Immune, rheumatic, chronic, esophageal, lung, and heart diseases. And, I am sure I probably left something out. I have bad days, very bad days, and occasionally good days. Life is REALLY great when I have more then one good day in the same week.

When I was first diagnosed we tried a few different medications to try and help with the raynauds and others to help with the pain and inflammation. I hated the side effects of all of them. I refuse to take any medications for any of these things, except the acid reflux. I do take an over the counter for that. There are some days when I swear the acid reflux is going crush me to death. It has been really bad lately. EVERYTHING has been really bad lately. But, I have to participate in the real world, so I have to force myself out of bed and into life.

Over the last six years I have been on a weight gain, weight loss roller coaster. I have tried absolutely everything. I start to lose some pounds and my body starts laughing at me., and sends me a week long present. INFLAMMATION! It is so miserable. I mean it makes it hard to bend my fingers or toes, it just makes me miserable. To make matters worse that is when the bad blood episodes hit. I cry alot. In the dark where no one sees me. My family does not understand. To them, I ALWAYS feel bad, So, I try as hard as I can not to complain, or let them know how bad I feel. Lately, I just can not stand being in my own skin.

I found out a few weeks ago, I have mono. YAY! Thank you God of health. My doctor told me to go home and go to bed for a month. HA!!! As if I could REALLY do that. If my insurance would pay for it, I would pack us all up and move to the beach, rest there until the day I die. But, that is never going to happen, and I HAVE to go to work. I have been so inflammed for about three weeks now. I can not begin to tell you how bad I feel. And because I like to add insult to injury, I have been trying so hard to lose weight. Damn scale is going to get a bullet in it REALLY soon!!

I have researched food and exercise and auto immune and everything else. There is SOOOO much information out there, sifting through it all is a nightmare in itself. There is a diet protocal for persons with an auto immune disorder. Yet, when you search for that it isn’t a universal diet or way of eating, every other doctor has a different idea on what you should eat and what you shouldn’t. I paid for a nutritionist for three months, did not help. So, I have come to the conclusion I am in this all by myself. I suppose it is going to be a process of trial and error, and elimination. Which, is probably going to take forever, but hopefully I will make progress. Progress would be, lose weight and feel better. The part that scares me is exercise. UGH. I know nothing about weights, and I am not hiring a trainer.

So, I suppose much like everything else, I am in this alone. If you have read all of this, and you have suggestions, or advice, please pass it to me, I am game to try just about anything at this point. If you don’t have any suggestions or answers, share this, maybe someone you know somewhere does! And, I will try to remember to document my progress or failure here!

Peace!

The Experience

Recently, my two sons and I attended a Kid Rock concert. Before the concert, I won a contest through The Rebel Soldiers Fan Club ( Kid Rocks’ fan club) called ” The Ultimate Fan Opportunity” for weeks they kept secret what the actual prize was. Then as other concert winners were attending their prospective concerts, information was leaking here and there. Probably, mostly because I was poking around trying to find out what EXACTLY was going to go down. Not because I enjoy taking the element of surprise out of things, but because I had to convince my husband I didn’t sign up for a full blown orgy back stage with Kid Rock, because the contest CLEARLY stated the opportunity was for the winner ONLY not the winner plus one or the winner plus their party, just THE WINNER, that was it. Therefor, I HAD to track down information, otherwise this winner was NOT going to see the prize!

I had only bought two tickets to the concert because when I bought them, I had no idea there was going to be a contest, little alone that I would win one. The plan all along was for me and our 13 year old son to go. Over the years, he has begged to go to a Kid Rock concert with me. In 2011 my husband and I went to the Born Free concert in Evansville, I promised our son then, the very next concert he could go to. Turned out, I lied. My husband and I went to Noblesville in August of 2011 for another Kid Rock concert. So, when the Rebel Soul tour was announced, it was decided at that moment, me and my son were going to Rock it together!

Then I won the contest, my husbands comment ” What about Trent? You know he won’t sit there by himself” All my joy was sucked out of me! And NOT A SOUL that I knew would agree to leave their seat and come sit in my seat for the last three songs of the concert ( even though we had damn good seats) and no one I knew that wasn’t already going to the concert would agree to buy a ticket and then come sit in my seat for the last three songs of the concert. It was as if everyone was saying, ” Screw You!” It literally came down to a few hours before the concert, I begged and begged my oldest son PLEASE buy a cheap seat ticket. They are ONLY $22 PLEASE!!!!!!! He FINALLY caved! And, I think even he is happy he did.

The following paragraphs are copied from a text I sent to my friend, she sent me a text, and I quote; ” So tell me about how it all went down”…….and I did, then I copied it into a note on my Facebook page, adding The Rest of the story. Now, Here I am copying it to my blog, with The Beginning of the story! Image

Well, Born Free had just started and I felt someone pull on my shirt ( which I already knew security was coming to get me during that song) so I turn and the guy asked Julie? I said yes he said follow me so I followed him down the steps ( we were the 10 th row off the floor) to the floor and all the way to the back of the floor area where there was the other fan club winner and a girl and her boyfriend that had won thru Harley Davidson……
So we just stand there thru most of the song then the guy says ” the next song is Bawtidabaw, when the explosion goes off we go… Follow me” and I was like oh man I wish I hadn’t left my phone with Johnny cause I so need to video this for Tyler Bates!……
So then all these sparkler things start going off all across the stage and Kid Rock comes shooting out of the bottom of the stage ( which is also how he started the show so damn cool) and then BOOM! And we were off dang near sprinting to the front diving our way thru people( not really but I did have to push one chick out of my way)
We get up to the front and walk behind a curtain. And there I am standing UNDER the stage and this guy in a suit comes up to me sticks his hand out and says ” I’m Gio, are you Julie?” And I thought SHIT I’M GETTING KICKED OUT ALREADY! Gio is Head of Kid Rocks personal security! So he says they ( and points to the stage) will go off stage change then they will come back out and they are going to play Happy New Year you guys are going to stand by the Harley and just have a good time like your at a New Years party and they gave us Happy New Years hats……
So the song ends and we walk up on stage all the lights are off and it was so damn cool! A couple minutes went by I guess then the band and Kid Rock come out from a curtain with their gold coats on. And this Gio grabs my arm and says you here…. Then they started playing and I started singing and clapping and waving my hands and jumping up and down ……..
The other fan member that won she was like 70 and so darn cute , the sax player kept turning around and smiling winked a couple times then moved to the other side of the stage! Ha! Then the guitar player came our way and he nodded and smiled and soon he too moved away! And yup KR did look our way, but that was it. No HEY GIRL WHAT’S UP! But he was like 5 feet away from me at one point! They turned the lights on and I could see J2 and Trent then I really went crazy and they were crazy waving back!
They kept drawing the song out, so what is normally a 3 minute song was like 10 minutes, when the song was over we were escorted off stage had our picture taken, not with Kid Rock and told thank you and good bye! And I was HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

I hadn’t been to Ford yet so I had no idea if our seats were good or not good and the chart you couldn’t really tell. When Trent and I were walking down the steps and we got half way down I turned and said ” NO WAY!” He said WHAT? I about started crying when we finally got to our seats! I mean they seriously could not have been better! Well, yes they could have but not anywhere near my price range! I’m not gonna lie and say I wish I could have gotten a hand shake, but I’m good
( as told by me to Stacy via text message…. She asked how it all went down, so I told her!)
And here is the rest of the story, which I left out of the text messages.
As I am heading back up the steps to where our seats were, I was diverted to a different set of stairs because someone in our section had passed out. However, my sons were waiting for me when I came out of the stairway. And it was on. I was all chatter like I had just drank a gallon of Red Bull followed by a dozen of those energy shot things! I could not shut up. I thought as we hit the doors I was gonna freeze walking back to the Jeep, but nope! I was good to go. And the three of us laughed and laughed and were just crazy ridiculous the whole walk back to our ride. I can’t speak for my boys but I had had the most amazing night! The whole night was just epic! ( I had wished several times that Scott was there, so he was in my heart) I can’t explain how full my heart and my soul felt. It was like, a release….. Not the end of a story, but THE opportunity to turn the page to the next chapter. For some, you are probably thinking this girl is nuts, which I am, but others who are reading this understand exactly what I mean. EPIC!
And now, the REST of the REST of the story. As we are rolling up the highway I say ” who’s window is down?” J2 says ” his” and points to the back I didn’t think anything at first, thought Trent was hot. Didnt seem odd. Then I said ” what’s that smell? OMG! Are you throwing up?” And he was! So we pulled into Windmill. I went in got him some water and napkins and mistakenly lead the cashier to believe I go to EVERY Kid Rock concert, as in crazed psycho fan following him around the country when I just meant all the ones he has in Evansville!….oops! Apparently, he had been feeling sick to his stomach every since we sat down at the concert. I told him NEVER do that again! EVER! He said WHAT? I told him no one and nothing not even Kid Rock is or ever will be more important then my kids and he should not have had to sit thru all that feeling as bad as he did, we would have left! I then felt like the worse parent ever!
This part, I think all of you will love. Chloe gets off the bus today, first thing she says is ” why did Trent stay home?” So I explained how he got sick, she smiled that evil little smile and said….” HMPF, sounds like Trent doesn’t like Kid Rock either!”
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Image( that’s me in the orange shirt, which just so happens to be a Harley Davidson TShirt!….I have just as many of them as I do Kid Rock tshirts, ok, well maybe not, but I have a few!)

May 2018

Crazy. I was. I can not tell you how insanely over the top crazy I was for Kid Rock. No, I had no grand illusions of being whisked off to forever be his love slave. Ewe. I mean how many ” places” do you think THATS been in. 😲 Noway, I have loads of respect for my place. Anyway, in the deepest darkest depths of my own personal hell his voice was my everything. My best friend, my anger release, my sobering cries. Wow. His voice was all that held me in check. That night, April 1,2013 I was so high on life. I was going to be on stage with the voice that kept me sane. No bundle of nerves no jitters, calm as my soul could be without having been on the Gulf of Mexico. I was ready. And SLAM. No warning signs no sirens, just a big fat fuck you. That’s what it felt like. Right there. I mean just feet away, and not a nod, not a wave not a passing by high five NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Took me about 7 seconds on that stage to feel it. We were a mosquito buzzing around and around his nose, pissing him off. Resentment. Because he sold out. His backers required him to host the contests but they couldn’t force him to like it or give anything of himself. It hung heavy in the air. Took another 5 seconds to see I was feeling it right. And another .2 seconds to close it all off and say fuck you back. From that moment on Kid Rock as I use to see him was gone. The rest of my time on stage it was about me being on stage where my sons could see me and I could see them and we just danced and waved and acted stupid. It was the death of a friend. My over the edge excitement for anything Kid Rock died as well. For a few years I didn’t even listen to him. We still go to concerts, he puts on one hell of a show. Still dream of him playing for me at this huge 50 birthday party for me. But, he’s not all that anymore. He’s an asshole as I see it. Broke my spirit for awhile but that’s my fault. I put it all on his voice. I needed someone or something to help me through, and his voice did. So, for that I thank him. Still pisses me the hell off. What would it have hurt 2 seconds. *sigh* I dream too big I suppose.

Damn it one of these damn days I am going to be filthy rich with my own damn yacht sailing around one of those beautiful islands with my husband and kids and beautiful friends, ugly ones too, and Kid Rock is gonna wish he had high fives me that night……..

✌🏼

Things I’ve Learned About Running

I am no fitness expert. Not a running expert either. In fact I know nothing about fitness and only a slight bit more then that about running.
I’m not even sure what I have began is considered running at all. It’s probably more of a light jog on the treadmill. I’ve only been at it for two weeks. My goal is to run a 5 K in May.
All that being said, the following is what I have learned about running thus far!
• Choose your playlist very carefully! You want music that will keep you motivated, but will NOT bring out the 80’s head banging or hustle & flow moves because THAT does not end well on a treadmill!
• Have a water bottle which allows you to squirt the water into your mouth versus having to unscrew the lid and drink. On the plus side of the latter, you can play it off as you really worked up one heck of a sweat! 😉
• Wear TWO sports bras- that should be self explanatory
• DO NOT GET ON THE TREADMILL WHEN IT IS SET ON FULL SPEED AHEAD! EVEN IF YOU ARE HOLDING ON- SUPER BAD IDEA!
• Do not position the treadmill so it is anywhere near the ping pong table, that is if you have one. For some reason the person on the side which has them facing you occasionally feels the need to slam the ball as if they are attempting to hit a home run- and yes I am aware home runs don’t exist in ping pong- that’s my point!
• I won’t bring up the dart board, now that I think about it, probably should move the treadmill at this point!
• When your dog comes up and sits and stares at you, do not bend over to let him! Even if you are holding o !
• Stretch before & after
• Stay hydrated ( remember squirt bottle)
• Breath thru both your nose and mouth, more oxygen, less of a headache!
• Set realistic goals
• ALWAYS potty TWICE before you get on the treadmill, cause on e you get going you are still going to think you have to go!
My final words of novice wisdom: try to time your running playlist so you end your run with a song like Queens ” We Are The Champions” or Kid Rocks ” Never Met A Mother Fucker Quite Like Me ” Trust me, when you feel like your either going to puke or passout and you’ve lost your HMPF with one minute left- one of those songs come on and you push yourself through that last minute and get off the treadmill with an attitude like HELL YEAH I DID IT!
Until next time, keep your feet on the ground!

Little Red Corvette

What did that title make you think of?

Prince circa way back when? Wait, is it still the artist formally known as Prince? I can’t keep up on those things!

Here’s what my original thought was, a mans MIDLIFE CRISIS! And this would be the visvisualization of THAT thought:

 

 

Now, I don’t know about you, but I personally think that is just a bunch of bull crap! All the way around. No matter how you look at it, how you break it down. That photo sums up a mans midlife crisis. I don’t mean all men cheat or all men go out and buy a super fast sports car. I can’t say that, I don’t know allmen. However, I do believe a mans midlife crisis, or whatever it is, is completely different then a woman’s.

Here is how I see this particular point in my life :

Completely different wouldn’t you say?

I am NOT more “disguising” looking! I am almost 42 years OLD and not only do I have wrinkles, but I have pimples and blackheads! And not just a few, but a whole face full! Try shopping for face cleaners and spot treatments and makeup when a product for one problem worsens the other problem! It’s a nightmare! I have purposely let ALL the light bulbs burn out over the bathroom vanity! I do not want to see what the mirror has to offer me! ESPECIALLY those extremely long but you can barely see them until your 7 year old points them out chin hairs!!!!!! REALLY!!!!!!!!! This is where a ball bat to mirrors would be a super fun sport, if I wasn’t so superstitious!

At the ripe ol age of 42, after having given birth to 3 children, I can not sneeze,laugh or cough without having a bladder leak! Yes, I went there. And as long as I am there, ask my 7 year old what happens when I jump on the trampoline! For the past year she asks me periodically if I will jump with her, and she asks with a smile that says ” PLEASE jump with me so I can tell everyone you peed in your pants AGAIN!!!!”

I also find it strange that with 2 bathrooms in the house, and one out in the building that I am the only one who “gets in trouble” if I lock the bathroom door. All of them, husband included will stand outside that door beating on it hollering ” WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?” like I am a 15 year old boy who’s mom just discovered dads collection of nudie mags had been raided! I mean come on! So, I leave the door unlocked, and in and out they come. I really love it when as I am drying off, because I am the only one in the house who actually dries off as I am getting OUT of the tub, happen to notice that the bathroom door is standing WIDE open. Funny, because I KNOW I shut it when I went in, especially since my almost 13 year old son has his girlfriend and 2 friends over, yup I am positive I shut the door!

I have no idea what I thought my 40’s would be like, I probably thought I’d never live to be THAT old. But, now that I am here, and moving swiftly towards the mid 40’s I’ll tell you what I WANT it to be like!

I don’t want to have to do homework anymore! I have been doing homework since I was 5, and by gosh I don’t want to do it anymore! This is why I don’t go back to school myself, I should have many many many degrees by now with all the homework I have had to do for 5 kids!!!!!!! And, we aren’t close to being finished yet! ( with school that is….I am beyond finished with HAVING kids!)

I want to sleep in EVERYDAY, if I want to! Or, maybe stay up all night doing nothing at all, or reading, or walking thru the grave yard. Yes, I said walking thru the grave yard! Why? I don’t know, maybe to see if it still scares me now that I am old enough to know that NO ONE is going to jump out of the grave and grab me!!!!!

Today, I might want my hair pink, tomorrow I might want it red and the next day I may want to wear feather ear rings! No, I have NEVER wore feather ear rings because I thought those were the most stupid looking things EVER! And now, I want clogs and feather ear rings, just like Stevie Knicks wore in the 80’s! Next week, I may decide to be a Valley Girl.

 

The only thing I am real sure of right now at this precise moment is this:

I don’t mind getting older, but can I please do it on my terms? I’ve spent the last 22 years raising kids, raising a husband, I forgot to be me. I don’t know what I want to be, who I want to be or how I want to be yet.

Time, please slow down a bit, so I can catch up!

I Don’t Wanna Be A Grown Up!

     These days, I often forget most everything. It’s disheartening to say the least, that I have forgotten how to be a kid. Ironically, I did not forget all those thousands maybe millions of times I wished so badly to be a grown up! Now that right there is a prime example of ” becareful what you wish for!
     There are days I almost cringe when I hear ” MOM! ” my response after the 10 billionth time of hearing that word is….in the most dramatically sarcastic loud voice I can muster….. ” WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? ” Which then brings on a cry. Now comes the very skilled and hereditary sigh puff with the roll of the eyes and I’m off to hug and kiss and baby. This, is a typical day, not the occassional burst of exhausted hormonal mom versus kid breakdown.
     My questions are:
1. Who lied about castles? ( I wouldn’t have a castle now if it was given to me free and clear….cause I’m NOT cleaning 20,000 sq feet of anything!)
2. Where is the dang butler? ( I get so tired of people knocking on the doors, and we have 4 doors, so then I have to figure out which door they are knocking on while they knock harder and louder because its taking me so long!)
3. Who said I was the maid? ( I know for a fact no one told me this was part of being an adult. Why did I do all those chores growing up, I thought Moms just took naps!)
4. Where are the tickets for all those exotic vacations? ( isn’t that what parents are suppose to do……party all weekend long at fancy resorts while their kids sit at grandma and grandpas all weekend and sometimes a few extra days? I mean why else did my parents ship me there all the time?)
5. What are spa’s? ( this at my house is defined by a 2 minute hot shower, followed by 4 minutes of a cold blast topped off with beating the body wash bottle on my leg to get the last bit out followed by a quick “throw on” of the closest lotion that can be found before someone comes bursting in with the MOM scream. Just so the next day I can wander where on earth that bruise on my leg came from!)
     In all seriousness, there are times I think to myself ” I just wanna go home!” Or ” MOM! Oh, wait where’s the phone….cause she DOESN’T LIVE HERE!”. I get tired of trying to think of what’s for supper. If I pass the trash can and its not been taken out, yes I just smash it down! I throw all the socks in a basket even though I know I’m gonna hear ” I need socks” or “I can’t find any socks!”. I stack laundry on the dryer even though I know they won’t grab it on their way thru, which means when they go digging thru it everything ends up on the floor just to have to be washed again. I close the kids bedroom doors so I don’t have to see it. When I clean the fridge out I put the pans on the floor for the dogs. These are just a few of my “I just can’t want to do it’s”
     Free time? I have no idea what that is. I go to work not just for the paycheck, but to get out of the house!
     Girls day/night? Please explain, in detailed hick terms…..cause if Momma goes so does daughter! Which may explain why friends don’t even call or text to say hey! How are you? Miss you!
     Fun? Does riding the mower across the street for gas count?
     I don’t wanna be a grown up! I take back all those wishes and pleads.
     Instead, I wanna jump off the back of a pontoon on a Tuesday. Go Jeepin on a Thursday. Race the motorized carts at Wal Mart on Mondays. Go muddin on a 4 wheeler on Fridays. Sleep til 3 or 4 on Saturday, after I woke up to watch an hour of cartoons at 8. Go to church on Sunday followed by some down home family dinner, that someone else cooked and has to clean up. And occasionally, dance in the rain…..after running thru the mud puddles!
     Mom!Mom! Where are you?
     Til next time, go dance in a mud puddle!

Freedom of Speech????

     I have to apologize straight out of the box.

     I am so sick and tired of this whole Chick Fil~A issue.

     Someone really went off the deep end with all of this. And ultimately what has happened is free advertisement for an entire chain of restaraunts. Koodo’s to that!

     We do still live in America right? And as far as I know the government hasn’t completely dismantled our Constitution. As individuals,organizations,companies,and so on we have the freedom of speech. With that, it does not mean we all have to agree on everything said,written or recorded. Because we are allowed in this country to believe in what we choose to believe in.

     So why has this mans statement upset everyone? He simply stated his beliefs. The beliefs of his family. How does that make him wrong? Did he state he wished to see homosexuals burn?

     If it weren’t for the freedoms we have as Americans would anyone be able to speak out or up on any subject?

     Let me ask this, do you read your Bible?

     I will admit, I am a new Christian. And I stumble everyday. Try as I might, I am not perfect. And I don’t strive to be. I focus each day on my love for Christ, and how I can walk my path with Christ for Christ. And in my daily walk, I learn new things with each step. Amazing things. Love fills my heart, not just for Christ, and not just for my family, but also for Gods people….all of them. One of the hardest things for me to first wrap my mind and then my heart around was “dislike the sin, love the sinner”…..”forgive those who have sinned against you”. Now those two were hard, so very hard. But, once I got it, I mean really got it. My heart opened up like I never thought it would or could!

     2Kings 17:27-29 , I’ll let you look that up, but basic break down is this: Many people claim to believe in God while refusing to give up the things God denounces. You can’t edit God to fit into your way of thinking. He must come first!

     Romans 12: 9-10 ” Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection,and take delight in honoring each other.”

     Romans 2:1-3 ” you may think you can condemn such people,but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Since you jus0dge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid Gods judgement when you do the same thing”

     These scriptures are meant as points of reference. Love one another regardless of anything. Love! Judge no one, for you too shall be judged.

     I personally have no opinion good or bad, politically correct or incorrect towards this chain of restaraunts, their owners/operators,employees or customers. I can’t even tell you if their chicken is good or bad. This blog is simply my opinion on the over publicized craze from a statement made by an American Christian.

     Eat chicken there, don’t eat chicken there…..it’s a free country. But whatever you decide to do, love the person next to you, across from you…in the next town over, love all Gods people!

Where Are My Keys!

On a normal basis I don’t drive my husbands vehicle. This past Saturday I wanted to go to my parents to have coffee with my Mom. My car has had a tire issue for a couple weeks, Saturday was no different. After having worked a double shift, my husband was in no mood to get up and put air in my tire. So, I took his car.
After coffee, I came home changed my clothes, told my husband I was going to the store, aired up my own tire and off I went.
On my way home from the store, I noticed my dogs were at the convienence store. I stop to find out why. My Hubby and the kids had walked over and I guess the dogs tagged along. ( this is a key point, so try to remember it)
Sunday, our daughter & I went to church. When we returned my husband was franticly trying to find his keys. Honoestly, I couldn’t remember where I had put them the morning before….I mean I lose mine so often I put a long cord on them so I can find them! We tore the house apart. No keys. He decided to give up after an all day search, stating he’d look tomorrow.
Well, tomorrow came and I got a call at work. He couldn’t find them. I told him to calm down I’d look when I get home.
I get home and completely tare everything apart. The beds the couch, everything was moved and turned upside down and inside out. No keys. We came to the conclussion our daughter had hid them. I searched the yard and both cars, AGAIN!
I went over and over it with him. Where I thought I put them, remembering at that point I had gotten them off the top of the fridge and had in fact put them back. After going over and over and over who did what and where who puts what and how well each of us do or don’t look for things, he says to me ” I don’t lose my *u*k*ng keys”………well now Mr. I don’t lose my bleeping keys, tell me where they are then. Now he’s too pissed to talk about it. UGH!
Then all of a sudden he asks me, “when u stopped at TM on your way home, where were you coming home from?” I answered “the store” he said “ok while you were gone I went out to my car to get fruit snacks and I got pissed because you had thrown my stash all over the car ( by stash, he hoards the snacks he takes for lunch in his car) so we walked to TM……” at that point I thought I was going to fly across the room and choke him, cause he had this HUGE shit eatin grin on his face and I knew, he knew exactly where those keys were. He continues with ” I may have layed them on the counter and I may have left them there” I felt a psycho moment fester up. I turned walked out and walked to TM. Before I could get the entire question out, she turns picks them up and says “they’ve been here since Saturday”. I march home, as I throw them at him I say “here’s your keys Mr. I don’t bleeping lose my keys!” After saying Thank You, this is what he says to me, “I am so happy you found them. I so did not want to drive your car and have a flat tire when I get off of work!” REALLY? REALLY? So NOT the right thing to say to the girl that has to air her own tire up 3 times a day!!!

He stole my Psycho

Standing there at that moment in time, I had no idea what was happening. Had I been on the outside looking in, I never would have imagined any of it.
It was actually a very warm January night. Far warmer then January nights are suppose to be in Southwestern Indiana. I was truely at my whits end. I had set our house rules down so many times to my son. Grown son I must add. Time after time they were broken. Now, I feel I must add- I was rather passive in the enforcement of those rules, for awhile. I would casually mention “I know you feel your too old for a curfew, however I would really appreciate it if you were in by 12” to which he would respond with “ok Mom”. This went on for months.
Of course life itself was going on all around us, for us all, between us all and at times it seemed inspite of us all.
At some point, because of life going on, I noticed, no it was pointed out to me that my heart seemed hardened…actually I think cold was the word used. I blew it off, thinking about it for only a moment. Of course I came up with I’ve learned to be causios or I’ve learned to set boundaries. As far as I was concerned that was that.
In the mean time things with my son escaleted. My passiveness left completely and my psychoness emerged.
I knew what I was going to have to do, and I had known for some time. But I just could not bring myself to do it. My heart broke just at the thought of having to say the words.
Still, he pushed and he pushed and each time I fell. I always fell. That in itself is an entirely different story.
In my heart and with my soul, I knew what was going on, what the problem was and what was fueling it. No words had to be exchanged, a Mothers soul just knows. Yet, Momma couldn’t fix it. As a matter of fact the more psycho I became with my demands to follow the rules, the more fuel his demons added to the raging fire. I’m fairly sure what is going through your head right now, is not what was going on. My son had a broken soul attempting to consume his soul. And Momma was an obstacle.
The breaking point for me came that January night, technically it was a very early January morning. I was sure that morning would end with me either being carted out in handcuffs or a straight jacket.
As my heart and soul were pounding with rage and hurt, I headed to his bedroom door. Something stopped me. Stopped me dead in my march. I turned around and went to our bedroom, shut the door and stood there in the dark for about two seconds. Then I fell to my knees. There was no thought process, no “how do I do this?”. I just let it ALL out. The very first thing I said was ” Dear Lord please forgive me. I was so wrong. Please help me carry this, I can not do this by myself any longer!” I cried and prayed and cried and prayed. Not just for the struggles my son and I were going through, but for years of blaming God. Years of fighting God. Decades of asking why! And so much more. I can’t recall how long I prayed and cried. I can tell you I was on my knees until there were no more tears, until there was no more weight on my shoulders and my heart harbored no more anger, no more hurt, no more blame. I stood up feeling as if a ton had been lifted from my soul. I didn’t feel psycho, I felt love. I felt a hardened heart open as wide as the seas stretch the earth. My chains had been broken!
The next day I was able to sit down with my son and explain it was time for him to move out. Wow did it hurt, like an arrow straight through that newly opened heart! Thankfully, he understood and agreed.
He’s doing well today, despite having had to go through the unbearable pain of a broken heart. Which is something any parent hopes and prays their children never have to experience. Unfortunately, we have to allow them to live their own lives and experiences in order to learn lifes lessons. The worse part of being a parent is having to step back and allow them to do so.
That same day, I made my New Years Resolution. ( which you can read about in a previous blog post)
What has surprised me, is what I’ve learned, what I’ve experienced, what I’ve found and lost as a result of that night something stole my psychoness and led me to my knees.
The past six months has gone from a resolution to a revelation.
Until next time- May love fill your soul!

Does this seem wrong to you?

I’m back tracking thru the past year, so hang on for the journey.
I suppose the best place to start would be the weekend of Memorial Day 2011. The kids & I joined family & friends for a fun filled cook out. Scott joined us later on his Harley. He left before us, and showed up again a few minutes later. A dog had ran out in front of him so he layed the bike down to avoid the dog. He had road rash down one leg and arm. The bike suffered damage as well. His “burns” were painful and he was beyond miserable. He returned to work that Tuesday to find he and his entire Unit had been pulled for a “random” drug test. They were all carted to the clinic and back, then told not to return to work until they heard from them. A few days pass and stories are flying. Apparently the random wasn’t so random, there was a “target” list upper management was going thru. And so much more that I can’t say right now. The lab called to verify he had a prescription for a medication, said once they verified it with the pharmacy, they’d fax a clean report to his employer. We waited and waited. Then more chatter came in via co workers. Upper management was spreading the word they all had been fired for testing positive for K2. Hmmmm….there still is a HIPPA law, correct? June 7th, he gets a letter of termination. First, I must tell you, in the State of Indiana, K2 didn’t become illegal to posses or use until July 2011, this particular employer did not have a policy in place that covered ANYTHING beyond “illegal street drugs or illegal prescription drugs”. Well, he was denied unemployment benefits. At that point we hired an attorney. Not only did she win the unemployment appeals, but she uncovered so much more. At that point all the men signed an agreement for her to represent them in a very detailed lawsuit. The lawsuit, according to the attorney was to be filed first of September 2011. After they signed the contract, no one could ever get ahold of her. Then finally at the end of 2011 we were told it would be filed in January. This was a horrible horrible roller coaster ride of complete unprofessionalism and lost hope mixed with a dark dark cloud hanging over our lives. Again, we were told it would be filed in April. Before April was over we received a letter stating she did not have the ” time or energy ” to devote herself in “the manner to which this case deserves”, therefor she must withdraw her representation. However, she wishes then men “the best of luck” and reminds them there is a statue of limitations on a case like this. And now, well now we can’t get a decent Federal Court Attorney to return any calls. Well, one, and she wants an astronomical retainer fee. Did I mention, the attorney we had “highly suggested” the men NOT get jobs? Yes that’s right. We just bought our first house a year ago. My husband finally got a job, in NOVEMBER! Needless to say, the last year has been HELL! Anyone know a knock-em-out not scared of anything extremely better then great Civil Rights Litigation attorney, this case has the potential to be HUGE in so many scary ways!