Manuals for the Living

My brain sometimes thinks sideways and upside down, and as crazy as it may sound backwards periodically. Most generally, my husband and I have completely opposite views. His is more in a straight tidy well organized line, with labels and tabs and an index Incase you get lost. Baffles my mind to bits. My line zig zags circles around and around comes back this way then back that way, you get the idea, and I guarantee you I drive him insane. I think he is so hard to read and figure out and that I am an open book, he sees it the other way around.

So, my mind gets to wandering. What if we all came with a manual when we were born. What if. Let’s say that manual covered absolutely everything about you and your life. In general terms. This manual covers everything from how you were going to be birthed to how you were going to die and everything in between. Again, in generalizations, like you would reach the height of 5’2 before you reach adulthood, but will shrink to the height of 4’8 before your death. With no specifics such as you will reach 5’2 in the 5th grade and appear to be an Amazon woman towering above all your classmates, however; they will all pass you up one day. And you will have 3.2 children before the age of 40 but no more specifics, especially what the heck the .2 is. You will be born in the back seat of a car ( which I was not) and you will die in the back seat of a car. No specifics again, just general information. You will obtain x amount of schooling. You get the idea. All generalized info. With some added things such as say, you will be deathly allergic to chocolate. Just enough information to not be enough information.

Would you want to have this manual for any reason? Would you want it to help you with the early years of being a new parent? If you did accept the manual to help you with the early years with your babies, would you want to pass the manual on to them as they got older, if so, when would you pass it on to them? If you made the decision to not pass it on to them, and they learn upon having their own child that there is such a manual; what would you say to them then?

I have thought and thought about this. I have known several people who have committed suicide. Had they had manuals that stated their lives would end by their own hand, would it have changed things? Would they have taken their lives sooner? Or never?

There are times I think I wish I could go back to a certain time in my life and know what I know now. But if I could do that how would it make my life different now? My guess is, it would change it but not for the better. I know someone who was constantly trying to find a way to get rich, had a law suit against a former employer, netted him far less then he had hoped. Had another law suit against a driver who rear ended him, still had to work. Then one day while out on his Harley a little old lady crossed the Center line and struck him. He fought for his life. Lost a leg. Mangled him up really bad. Was in the hospital forever it seemed then rehab, and still had troubles today with his prosthetic leg. But, he’s a millionaire-ish now. If he’d have had a manual, how would that have changed his look at life?

I’ve learned that we go through the crazy things and the bad things and even the good things to better ourselves. Learn lessons from those things. Move forward. If we have a manual that guides us, where would we really end up? Better? Worse?

I’m good with who I am now. I’m not perfect, but I’m a better person then I use to be. And I went through a lot of shit to get here. Not all bad shit. And not all someone else’s shit, I stirred just as much as anyone else did. So I think for me, I wouldn’t want that manual. Because it would make me afraid. Afraid to live each day to it’s fullest. Afraid to take chances when maybe I can’t really afford them. Afraid to laugh or afraid to cry. And that’s certainly not living.

So, I’m gonna keep on living each day as God gives it to me, thanking him all the way. And I’m going to keep screwing up and praying He helps me through it!!!

✌🏼😘

I Am Jack

” Yes! I snuck past those silly kids!” I’m on my way on my way on my way

“HELLO beautiful how are…..” Inconveniently interrupted by little missy beautifuls’ owner! ” Super! Hey I hear some kids over here, think I’ll check it out on my way home”

POP!POP!POP!

I am Jack. A pit bull by birth, loved and adopted by a human family.

I was shot and killed on May 9,2013, because I snuck out when the kids opened the door, ran to a neighbors house where a female dog was in heat, was told to go home, so I was on my way home and I walked through the wrong yard. The home owner decided to shoot me three times with his rifle while his children, his step children and some neighborhood kids were all outside in the same yard at the time. Yes, the children saw the whole thing. I have no idea what I did wrong.

One of the little boys who was in the yard at the time I was shot, ran home and told his mom. He was so upset. I’ve never seen him like that. Luckily, his mom put him in the car and drove him over to my owners house. She grabs him and hugs him and tells him shes so sorry. I’m not sure she understands what he has told her. He said which yard he was in and that her dog had ran across the yard and “he” shot him with his rifle and scope 3 times! She said she had heard the shots just as she got out of the shower. See, she had gone running and my dad was working in the garage, so they didn’t know I was gone.

She went inside and called 911, told them exactly what the little boy had told her. My dad got in the car and came in search of me. He couldn’t see me.But I heard him. He asked that lady if she shot his dog, she said no. He asked her if his dog had been shot and she said yes. He asked if his dog was being aggressive, which I have no idea what that even means, and she said no he should have kept his dog in his yard. Oh man was he mad!

At home, my mom gets a call back from dispatch, told her he had an officer with her dog and gave her an address asked if she knew where that was. Of course, it’s the next street over. But, they didn’t tell her! She doesn’t know.

Oh! NO! She has gotten in the car with dad. ALL THESE PEOPLE STANDING AROUND….SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL HER!

Her and dad walk around the back of this house where they see the police man. He points, she can’t see me. My dad turns and tells her to ” GO GET IN THE CAR!” I think before he could even get it all out she saw me. I have never seen her act like that. She was trying to throw a boat I think. She ended up in handcuffs while all those people standing around watched.

No-one told her I was dead.

The town Marshall told my family the man at that house admitted to shooting me. He said I wasn’t being aggressive,I still don’t know what that means, nor did he feel threatened. He said he shot me because I was in his yard. I don’t understand , who does that?

I AM JACK. I WAS A PIT BULL WHO WAS LOVED DEEPLY BY HIS FAMILY. I WAS SHOT AND KILLED FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

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BIG HAIRY WEAVE!

     You may wanna buckle up for this one. This “happened” from one of those blonde meets attention span impaired slammed into I was so doing something else!
     See, that alone probably made you want to sit down. Unfortunately, it’s true.
     I had 7 different things on my mind, I was trying to get my husbands lunch ready for him to take to work, plus I was trying to remember that cool song I heard on the way home from work. My plans were to mow, and I was getting rather aggrevated I hadn’t made it outside yet. My sister in law text me about then, asked if I had heard “Redeemed” by …….oh man * shakes my head* Big Daddy Weave, man I hope that is right. I told her no, but I’d look it up was also going to look up that boating song as well. She replied with “Pontoon”, hmpf!
So, quickly, before I totally forgot, I looked them both up, downloaded them, then went about what I was doing.
     Finally, I made it to mowing.
     I’ll skip straight to Redeemed, it comes on and I started crying. Simply put, it moved me. I stopped the mower, text my sister in law, now I can not remember the exact text itself, but it was something to the effect that I LOVED that Redeemed song by Big Hairy Weave! I tried to remember who she had said, I really really did. All I could remember was Big and Weave…..well who would have thought Daddy fit in between those two words?!? Only word that made sense to me was Hairy…..hence Big Hairy Weave!
     Now that is how Big Hairy Weave was born. I want you to understand, I had already visualized Big Hairy Weave. This really is nowhere close to the exact visualization :

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But then, neither was what I saw in his video!
     About 2 weeks later, I am sitting in church and someone got up on stage with their guitar and busted out playing Redeemed. Thank goodness I was sitting in the back, I nearly lost it……he didn’t look like Big Hairy Weave either.
     Finally, being the good sister in law she is, broke it down to me. Big……cause he’s a big guy, Daddy…….cause he’s a dad, Weave……hmpf, apparently his last name is Weaver!
     He will forever be Big Hairy Weave to us, we may even have to send him one of those hats with the dreads sewn in!

To Repair What Was Broken

   
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  If you know me, truely know me, or are following my blogs; which it seems no one actually is, then you know the beginning of 2012 became a turning point in my life.
     To completely understand all of this you will need to read some of my blogs from earlier in the year.
     What I will tell you is there came a moment when I decided not only to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior, but I knew it was time to repair the realtionship I had broken with both our Lord and our Father.
     In 1993 I had made my way to the altar and I asked for forgiveness. I was saved. I was 22. I tried to read the Bible and to be honoest I was so confused. I had questions upon questions upon questions. So I turned to family members for answers. I was told exactly this, ” Julie, you are overthinking this. You have to trust the word and believe in the word” which quite frankly, left me more then confused how could I trust and believe when I didn’t have the slightest clue as to what the words were saying. I gave up.
     I spent the next 18 years bitter and angry. I would tell people “oh God and I have a relationship alright, we agree to disagree”. WOW! How completely ignorant that sounds now.
     In that moment back at the beginning of this year when I was on my knees letting it all out and asking once again for His forgiveness, I made a promise to myself and to God, I would not be deterred from rebuilding what I had broken.
     I spent months seeking out any and all information I could find to help me understand everything I could. From the writings of the Bible, to what being a Christian really is.
I bought a Bible Dictionary that is truely amazing. I have sought out historical information, you name it. I was thirsty, thirsty to know Him.
     In these beginning stages I was “called” to a church. I use the word called because I didn’t feel like this is where I belonged. But, a dear friend did and she was struggling. I walked with her until the day of her Baptizim. Then I found my church family, where I belong. With amazing people to help me along my journey.
     And a journey it is. In terms of my walk with God, I am still a toddler learning to maintain my balance. Some days are easy, others I stumble quite a bit. Yet, with each stumble, I am learning something new and amazing, as well as building my relationship with God.
     There are days I still feel so alone and sometimes abandoned. Not by God. I feel Him holding my hand or carrying my heavy heart. You see, I feel abandoned by my earthly friends. My chosen sisters. Those who I love and adore and have forever. I don’t tell you this so feel sympathy for me. None is needed. Things happen in life, which being human we allow the emotional aspect of those things or situations to completely take us over. My love for these friends has never wavered. But I can’t allow their choice of going with their feelings of the moment to interfer with my new journey. Those days my feelings of loss and saddness take over, I know without a doubt my Lord and Savior is carrying me through.
     July 1rst my Mother & I were baptized, along with 2 amazing people within our church family. I will tell you, I was scared to death. Will I drown? Will I meet Gods expectations? Will I fall? So many things went through my heart, my soul and my mind. For me, my baptizm was an offering of sorts to God that I have every intention of keeping my promise.
     I am still learning and eagerly yearning for more knowledge. Excited in my growth process. And I am not one bit ashamed to tell you I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the sacrifes both he and our Father have made and continue to make so that I can grow in His likeness and follow the path he has planned for me. I still haven’t seen what that path is, but I know with patience and commitment someday it will be revealed. And oh what a glorious day that will be. Because I have no doubt with Jesus Christ beside me I will have the strength and knowledge to walk that path just as He has planned for me.
     For now, I am happy with who I am. Confident in the rebuilding my relationship with God. And I have faith in Him and all he carries me through.
     May God bless you in all things you do!
     Much love to each and everyone of you!

Bye Bye Birdie

     The sun slowly rose over a warm blanket of green grass just as the last morning dew fell slowly down the edge of a burning red day lilly.
     Today is the day.
     The young fledgling looked over the edge of the nest, toward the ground. Then she turned and looked back at Momma Sparrow. With a faint in her heart and a tear in her eye, Momma Sparrow gave the alert. It’s your time. You are prepared for your new journey. I believe in you.
     With a call of acknowledgement and love the fledgling, Birdie, hopped on the edge. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and jumped. She felt the drop and for a brief moment forgot to catch the wind. Quickly she opened her eyes, raised her head and spread her wings. She climbed and climbed racing toward the rising sun. She twisted and turned, rose and dipped with each change of the wind. Before long she was soaring high in the morning sky.
     Back at the nest high in an old Weeping Willow tree, Momma Sparrow watched proudly as her little Birdie flew free. With each pass a tear rose in her heart. With each tear blew a memory of love through her feathers.
     Birdie landed high atop an old Oak tree. As she caught her breath she glanced back at the old Willow tree. At that moment, she knew. She was free. Free to be Birdie as Birdie was meant to be. And while Birdie will spread her wings and fly, she will pass over that old Weeping Willow tree every morning just as the sun rises over a warm blanket of green grass and the last of the morning dew falls slowly down the edge of a burning red day lilly.

I Don’t Wanna Be A Grown Up!

     These days, I often forget most everything. It’s disheartening to say the least, that I have forgotten how to be a kid. Ironically, I did not forget all those thousands maybe millions of times I wished so badly to be a grown up! Now that right there is a prime example of ” becareful what you wish for!
     There are days I almost cringe when I hear ” MOM! ” my response after the 10 billionth time of hearing that word is….in the most dramatically sarcastic loud voice I can muster….. ” WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? ” Which then brings on a cry. Now comes the very skilled and hereditary sigh puff with the roll of the eyes and I’m off to hug and kiss and baby. This, is a typical day, not the occassional burst of exhausted hormonal mom versus kid breakdown.
     My questions are:
1. Who lied about castles? ( I wouldn’t have a castle now if it was given to me free and clear….cause I’m NOT cleaning 20,000 sq feet of anything!)
2. Where is the dang butler? ( I get so tired of people knocking on the doors, and we have 4 doors, so then I have to figure out which door they are knocking on while they knock harder and louder because its taking me so long!)
3. Who said I was the maid? ( I know for a fact no one told me this was part of being an adult. Why did I do all those chores growing up, I thought Moms just took naps!)
4. Where are the tickets for all those exotic vacations? ( isn’t that what parents are suppose to do……party all weekend long at fancy resorts while their kids sit at grandma and grandpas all weekend and sometimes a few extra days? I mean why else did my parents ship me there all the time?)
5. What are spa’s? ( this at my house is defined by a 2 minute hot shower, followed by 4 minutes of a cold blast topped off with beating the body wash bottle on my leg to get the last bit out followed by a quick “throw on” of the closest lotion that can be found before someone comes bursting in with the MOM scream. Just so the next day I can wander where on earth that bruise on my leg came from!)
     In all seriousness, there are times I think to myself ” I just wanna go home!” Or ” MOM! Oh, wait where’s the phone….cause she DOESN’T LIVE HERE!”. I get tired of trying to think of what’s for supper. If I pass the trash can and its not been taken out, yes I just smash it down! I throw all the socks in a basket even though I know I’m gonna hear ” I need socks” or “I can’t find any socks!”. I stack laundry on the dryer even though I know they won’t grab it on their way thru, which means when they go digging thru it everything ends up on the floor just to have to be washed again. I close the kids bedroom doors so I don’t have to see it. When I clean the fridge out I put the pans on the floor for the dogs. These are just a few of my “I just can’t want to do it’s”
     Free time? I have no idea what that is. I go to work not just for the paycheck, but to get out of the house!
     Girls day/night? Please explain, in detailed hick terms…..cause if Momma goes so does daughter! Which may explain why friends don’t even call or text to say hey! How are you? Miss you!
     Fun? Does riding the mower across the street for gas count?
     I don’t wanna be a grown up! I take back all those wishes and pleads.
     Instead, I wanna jump off the back of a pontoon on a Tuesday. Go Jeepin on a Thursday. Race the motorized carts at Wal Mart on Mondays. Go muddin on a 4 wheeler on Fridays. Sleep til 3 or 4 on Saturday, after I woke up to watch an hour of cartoons at 8. Go to church on Sunday followed by some down home family dinner, that someone else cooked and has to clean up. And occasionally, dance in the rain…..after running thru the mud puddles!
     Mom!Mom! Where are you?
     Til next time, go dance in a mud puddle!

Freedom of Speech????

     I have to apologize straight out of the box.

     I am so sick and tired of this whole Chick Fil~A issue.

     Someone really went off the deep end with all of this. And ultimately what has happened is free advertisement for an entire chain of restaraunts. Koodo’s to that!

     We do still live in America right? And as far as I know the government hasn’t completely dismantled our Constitution. As individuals,organizations,companies,and so on we have the freedom of speech. With that, it does not mean we all have to agree on everything said,written or recorded. Because we are allowed in this country to believe in what we choose to believe in.

     So why has this mans statement upset everyone? He simply stated his beliefs. The beliefs of his family. How does that make him wrong? Did he state he wished to see homosexuals burn?

     If it weren’t for the freedoms we have as Americans would anyone be able to speak out or up on any subject?

     Let me ask this, do you read your Bible?

     I will admit, I am a new Christian. And I stumble everyday. Try as I might, I am not perfect. And I don’t strive to be. I focus each day on my love for Christ, and how I can walk my path with Christ for Christ. And in my daily walk, I learn new things with each step. Amazing things. Love fills my heart, not just for Christ, and not just for my family, but also for Gods people….all of them. One of the hardest things for me to first wrap my mind and then my heart around was “dislike the sin, love the sinner”…..”forgive those who have sinned against you”. Now those two were hard, so very hard. But, once I got it, I mean really got it. My heart opened up like I never thought it would or could!

     2Kings 17:27-29 , I’ll let you look that up, but basic break down is this: Many people claim to believe in God while refusing to give up the things God denounces. You can’t edit God to fit into your way of thinking. He must come first!

     Romans 12: 9-10 ” Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection,and take delight in honoring each other.”

     Romans 2:1-3 ” you may think you can condemn such people,but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Since you jus0dge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid Gods judgement when you do the same thing”

     These scriptures are meant as points of reference. Love one another regardless of anything. Love! Judge no one, for you too shall be judged.

     I personally have no opinion good or bad, politically correct or incorrect towards this chain of restaraunts, their owners/operators,employees or customers. I can’t even tell you if their chicken is good or bad. This blog is simply my opinion on the over publicized craze from a statement made by an American Christian.

     Eat chicken there, don’t eat chicken there…..it’s a free country. But whatever you decide to do, love the person next to you, across from you…in the next town over, love all Gods people!