I’ll just cut straight to it, I’m pushing 50 just as hard as I’m pulling 45. And I’m telling you it’s a bitch. Most all of it is, bit today Auntie Flow is one hell of a bitch. I hate her.
First, I’ve worked my ass off over the last month since her last visit. Not lying one bit. I’ve been rowing that damn rower tracking my food weighing in every damn day so excited to see the damn scale move .001 of a pound every morning. And OMG I’m so ducking excited ……. wait!!!!! Who the hell says ” ducking”???!! Nobody but this stupid piece of shot …… you are seriously killing me!! So FUCKING excited to FINALLY be down 12 pounds . Yup. Then SLAM straight into hell. Woke up knowing I’d be down another .02 I mean I had nothing but green smoothies yesterday just to show that scale who’s the real bitch around here. 🤨 6 pounds. GAINED!! Fingers so damn swollen can’t zip my pants. Feet so swollen can’t get my shoes on. I’ve been doing this for 30 damn years I’m over this shit! OVER IT!!!
But, apparently you just can’t say you’re over it and be over it. So here I am in the middle of the damn night with cramps from hell, a throbbing head ache 4 ginormous pads stuck one on top of the other trying to keep from eating an entire box of Hostess Suzy Q’s ( because it takes 2 to equal the size of what 1 use to be!) and scrolling through tunes crying one minute, pissed off the next and ready to head bang at the next one. It’s a slippery slope of downward spirals. I swear if I didn’t have to work tomorrow I’d already have downed the bottle of expensive margarita my sister in law gave me. ( which I’m saving for a special day)
Tomorrow is most certainly going to suck. Why? Because I am STARVING for chocolate, it’s damn near 11:00 at night; like 2 hours past my bedtime and I have to be at work at 7:00 AM!!!
Why on earth am I not rich and famous? Oh hell just rich. Why on earth am I not on my yacht off some beautiful tropical island roasting some insane toast with Kid Rock??! Never mind Kid Rock, he surely has cooties. Just me and my husband being insanely rich on our yacht off of a beautiful tropical island?!!
There ya have it . It’s a Bitch. All of it.