And Then Came The Decision



     Earlier this week I made the decision, I didn’t want to smoke anymore.
     I had bought my last pack of Marlboro Lights Sunday evening. I had no idea that night or even the next morning that I was going to quit.
     I have Chantix in the cabinet. I have an electronic cigarette with unopened cartridges. I also have nicotine gum in a drawer. So, you can see, at many different times I have in fact put a lot of thought into needing to quit smoking.
     By noon on Monday I had 3 cigarettes left in the pack I had bought Monday evening.
     I was on my way home from work when Big Daddy Weaves’, AKA Big Hairy Weaves’ “Redeemed” came on the radio. I let out a laugh and thought of my sister-in-law, that’s a whole different story. And I lit a cigarette. At this point I was singing along with BDW ” I AM REDEEEEMED…….” and it hit me… DUH right smack dab in my soul. ” Are you really listening to a Christian Rock song, singing along claiming to be redeemed and smoking a cigarette? Do you have any idea not only how hipocritical you look right now, but how ridiculous you are?” I turned the radio off and threw the cigarette out the window. Yes, on top of all that I littered as well!
     At 1:00 P.M. Monday, September 24, 2012 I smoked my last cigarette. I made the decision I wanted to be smoke free, I wanted to be nicotine free. I wanted to break those heavy chains.
     At this moment that I am writing this, I have officially been smoke and nicotine free for exactly 104 hours and 18 minutes.
     It’s hard. In so many ways it’s hard.
     The first few minutes to hours, I kept saying ” I got this” and ” Lord, we got this”. I stayed as busy as I could. After 24 hours I wanted to jump up and down and dance. But I didn’t. Day 2 wasn’t any worse, and not a lot better. The 48 hour mark came and went and it was what it was. Day 3, I came home from work and told my husband ” I haven’t had a cigarette in 72 hours” then I broke down and cried. Of course he looked at me like I was insane, asked why was I crying. I said ” this is so hard. Everytime I think I am going to break and walk across the street and buy a pack I think of how you went through all of this all by yourself in a jail cell” ( that was years ago and the more I thought about it, I thought man he had it easy! He was able to sleep all day. And he didn’t have the temptation of having a convienance store across the street)
     I have gone through countless Tootsie Pops. A couple bags of Jolly Ranchers and a few straws. I have given in, not to a cigarette or nicotine of any kind. But I have had a couple cherry Tootsie Pops. Yes, cherry. So completely disgusting!
     You would think once you make it through the nicotine withdrawls you are home free, but you aren’t. That’s just the beggining. Now starts the withdrawl from the actual habit of smoking. Much harder.
     As crazy as it is going to sound, its like purposefully ignoring your best friend. At moments it almost seems like your best friend is ignoring you. I had a very hard time with this yesterday and today. Understand, I didn’t desire to smoke. I missed that moment when, for example I finished eating, I missed reaching for the cigarette and lighting it and taking that first draw. I miss the action of the habit. Like a friend I can’t call or text.
     I have no idea if tomorrow will be better or worse. What I do know is, tomorrow will be day 5 and I doubt there will be fireworks or a tinker tape parade, which I really did expect, but I can say this:

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