The Good & The Bad

This week has been very interesting to say the very least.

To tell you the truth, I am not sure I remember Monday at all, not real sure why.

Tuesday, now that is a different story. After work, I had to go to my doctor to go over my test results from last weeks blood draw. I had originally gone in thinking my thyroid was out of whack again. While sitting in the waiting room this man comes in, whom I presume is a drug rep. He is dressed in fish net stockings, black gym shorts with a very big piece of cotton safety pinned to his butt, an extremely tight T-Shirt and bunny ears. I did not know whether to laugh or just roll my eyes. The poor receptionist, who appears to be a whole 19 years old, she dropped her mouth to the floor then burst out laughing. To this he replied, ” I brought baked goods”. Now, I myself would be VERY skeptical of accepting any type of food from someone dressed like this. It was have if a Playboy Bunny mated with a half Easter Bunny Half Gym teacher. So, on to the exam room. Yes, we walked right by the scales, which made me so damn happy I wanted to stick my tongue out at it. After waiting for what seems to be hours, finally the NP comes in. I find out my thyroid is fine, along with everything else, except a certain type of anti body. All she really told me was Cher had had this same virus a few years back and I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. At this point I am tired and confused and I am not really sure that I care. She gives me a few prescription, tells me to research it all to get nutritional and exercise information. I get home, and I researched it. I did not like what I found at all. Lets just say it made me feel like a walking freak that everyone would want to stay away from. It really just brought my mood level down below the line of depression. My husband is on second shift this week, so I left him a short note hitting the highlights of my diagnosis. Got the kids and myself to bed that night. Apparently at some point and time the weather warning sirens went off, I did not hear them. I got up to go to the bathroom and as I am sitting there, the lights go out. So, what do me and my youngest son do? We go stand in front of the kitchen window! I find out the next day there had been a tornado warning. Fortunately, no tornado went through. Our area did sustain substantial damage from straight line winds that reached near 70 miles an hour I believe. What a Tuesday!

Wednesday, we wake to still no power. School was canceled, which made the kids very happy. I myself did not have to report to work. When my husband woke up I asked him if he had read my note, he responded with ” Yeah, but I forget what it said”, then went off to another room or maybe even outside, hell if I remember. We spent the day gathering candles and oil lamps as well as coolers full of ice for the goods in the refrigerator and freezer. The neighbor across the street called the electric company and was told it would be at least 2 or 3 days before power was restored. My husband goes off to work. The kids and I go to my parents house to take showers and eat, and I borrowed a book from my niece. ( I found out later there was no need to take showers elsewhere because our water heater was gas and we did in fact have hot water) So, the kids spend the evening playing games on the laptop and I begin reading, ” My Sister’s Keeper” I’ll mention here, I didn’t do the dishes because I didn’t think we had hot water.

By Thursday I felt normal, as opposed to how I had been feeling over the last few months. I was so excited to go home share my enthusiasm of my over all well being with my husband, and maybe a little something something. Now, I must tell you Tuesdays and Thursdays are my early days to work, I have to be there at 7. Before I left, I woke up both kids and my husband. Half way through my morning my cell phone rings, it’s my sons school asking why he was absent. I literally stuttered. I had no idea he was absent from school. I explained to her we were still with out electricity and even though I had woke my husband up before I left for work, he must have fell back asleep. Great! Now my mood was a bit sour, not bad, just…well spoiled. I get home, pull in the drive way and my husband comes out of the building looking straight at me shaking his head. My shoulders sank, I sighed and thought to myself  ” Great, what did I do NOW!” I make my way inside, to find he is in the bathroom with the door locked. So, I stand there and say ” What’s wrong” to which he responds in a very stern voice WHAT’S WRONG?” I sigh again, roll my eyes and proceed to tell him about the shaking of his head. At which point he swings the door open yelling at me with this look of hate in his eyes on how the house is a mess and this is my way of saying “Fuck You” I can’t even begin to tell you whats going thru my head at this point, but when I try to explain why the dishes haven’t been done, I don’t really remember his exact words, but it was then I found out we did in fact have hot water, and his tyraid continued with the kids rooms were dirty the floors were not swept. Now mind you, I use to be the worse of worse in keeping the house clean, I hated it. Then we bought our own home. I have been keeping it very clean. I come home after my mere 5 hours of non physical labor work and what I really have been wanting to do is sleep, for months now I have just been physically drained of all energy. Anyway, instead of sleeping or laying down, I sweep, I do laundry, I pick up after EVERYONE else in this house because they do not know how to do it them selves, my husband included. One night I did not sweep, I did not do the dishes and I could not do the laundry. It was pointless to argue my case, he had already made up his mind I was wrong and he was right. So, I change my clothes and start doing the dishes. As he was leaving for work, I got another round of lecturing, this time about my car being dirty. So, you can imagine by the time it was dark out, my house and my car were spotless. The electricity came back on right at 10 pm, at which time I got a call from his oldest daughter yelling and screaming at me. I hung up! For some reason I happened to wake up at the exact moment he was walking back in from work, I told him his daughter called yelling and screaming and I went back to bed.

Friday! Should be a Thank God kind of day right? The only Thank God that happened was my boss wasn’t at work today, and my co-worker let me leave a whole whopping 10 minutes early. Which, honestly, I would have preferred to stay until around 2 ish. I forgot to mention on Thursday afternoon the screen on my cell phone went black. A few months ago, my son had set my phone to announce who was calling or texting, and I have no idea how to turn it off. All Thursday night and Friday I had to listen to my phone tell me my inbox is full and I need to delete all old messages. I wanted to shake the phone and scream at it that if I fuckin could I fuckin would! Oh Jeeze it’s driving me nuts! So, anyway as I am leaving work I decided I’d be the better person, so I called my husband and asked if he wanted me to bring lunch, it was like pulling teeth to get an answer. I bring home Subway, and where is he at, bed! Does not say a word when he gets up, nothing, not an apology for having been an ass, not a “so, now tell me more about your dr.’s visit” nothing. I finish eating and grab my book and head to the family room. He went back to bed. When he left for work, I did get an “I love you”, some how it sounded forced. I put the book down, did all of my daily duties. Then, I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening reading. I am not ashamed to admit that I did in fact bawl my eyes out through the entire last 5 or 6 chapters. And, I was completely and totally pissed off at the Mom.

So, you may be thinking, what is the good in this whole thing. Here is the irony of it all. For once in months, I feel human, I feel rested I can concentrate, I feel like me….that is the good.

I have to say, I never complained to my husband how I felt. That I was completely exhausted for no reason at all. That sleeping or resting didn’t give me that refreshed relaxed feeling, but somehow , it made me feel worse. I didn’t tell him that every muscle hurt so very bad, just the movement of my arm upward made me want to cry. I didn’t feel I had the right to complain. He works very very hard at a very very dangerous job, if anyone had the right to complain, it would be him, not me. Not that he wouldn’t care, or sympathize, just what right did I have? So, all in all I suppose him not giving a dam as to what the dr said is my fault, for he didn’t know that there had even been anything wrong.

So, there you have the good and the bad of my week!

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