Nicotine Battle

In my last blog, I stated I would be quitting smoking. Wow! I will say, I have in fact cut back, I have not quit.

I do so good when I am at work, because we are way out in the middle of no mans land. Therefor fighting those cravings is easy, no cigarette, deal with it until that urge has passed. No smoke breaks! But, I get home, and that need to take a drag hits, I look out the window and oh what do I see? A convenience store. TA DAH! Like it just appeared there. Before you know it, I have my bank card in hand, my shoes on and out the door. What in the name of Sam Hill happened to my will power? REALLY? How completely crazy is that! For those nasty things, that I really don’t even like to begin with to have so much control over me! I never thought of myself as weak, but here it is solid proof! I am ashamed of myself!

I wonder why I even started in the first place? Beats me, I can not remember back that far. I am thinking it was to keep myself occupied when my friends kicked me out of the car so they could get high, I could easily stay away from the pot.

I suppose if quitting was easy there would be no satisfaction in having accomplished your goal.

Right now I really want to climb a mountain and scream at the top of my lungs! Couple problems with that, only thing resembling a mountain around here is a massive coal pile, and second, because I smoke I would be half dead by the time I reached the top therefor; I would not be able to scream only gasp for air!

I can remember just the other day telling my oldest son ” Every desicion you make, every action you take leads to consequences on some level” Wow, where was I 20 years ago, like I would have listened to myself!

My vote, someone knock me out for about 7 days, then I will wake up Smoke Free! Yeah, I know the whole accomplishment thing!

I so wish I could go back to about 1988, for just one day, knowing EVERYTHING I know today. HHMMM! I wonder how that would turn out? Probably make an even bigger mess out of my life!

4 thoughts on “Nicotine Battle

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